January 16, 2007
Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Beyonce
If you'd asked me two days ago what Beyonce Knowles might wear to the Golden Globes if she were feeling terribly predictable, I'd have said, "Probably something low-cut and gold -- really sparkly. With a slit. And a big ol' weave."
Looks like Fate tipped its Magic 8-Ball over and saw that it said, "Signs Point To Yes."
It's not that she doesn't look beautiful; she does. She's Beyonce. Being a knockout with a hot body is her trademark. But don't you feel like you've seen this before? I mean, on her, not just in the Pier 1 Imports upscale gift-wrap section? And don't you wonder why, precisely, it makes that tiny wee gap in the front just under her cleavage? And then do you think that maybe she's wearing it because it's secretly made of 1,000 mashed-up Golden Globe trophies and the blood of a unicorn, all as part of a voodoo ritual intended to bag her a victory and a surprise Oscar nomination? And for the Oscars themselves, do you wonder what the odds are that Miss B will wear a dress made of Jennifer Hudson's mashed-up Golden Globe and the blood of Jamie Foxx? Indeed, do you wonder if the scene-stealing Dreamgirl is going to find a beheaded chicken on her doorstep one day this week? Can Beyonce get an Oscar nod when she was outacted by her false eyelashes? And what was the wig and cosmetics budget for Dreamgirls, anyway?
Sigh. So many questions.