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February 23, 2007

Mischa Fugton


Okay, Granny Barton, turn up your hearing aid and have a listen: When Julie Andrews tore down the drapes and made them into children's clothes for those crooning moppets, she had the benefit of some very high-quality fabric to use in her forced improvisation. Do not try to achieve the same effect by rip down your cheap-ass mangy old kitchen curtains. For one thing, it's completely unflattering. And for another, when you are skipping around a Swiss mountainside -- yes, we noticed your Frolicking Sandals in your hand there -- it's far too likely a gust of wind will catch your flimsy tent minidress and blow it up over your head, unveiling your girlie mysteries to whatever eager cows, goats, or roving bands of close-harmony singers might happen to be cavorting alongside you.

And chopping up your great-grandmother's good napkins just to make an ill-fitting vest seems a bit unnecessary. Is this all some kind of rage issue against your home decor? Perhaps you need to go stand in the time-out corner at your nursing home. Or be banned from Friday Bingo until you stop wearing flimsy household objects. I'm going to have a word with your minder.

Posted by Heather at 12:05 PM in Mischa Barton | Permalink


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