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March 29, 2007

Fug Madness!

I am beginning to think that either Kristen Bell or her stylist or both of them are suffering from some kind of body dysmorphic disorder wherein they think she is way, way bigger than she actually is. Because Kristen Bell is a teeny tiny little teeny person and yet whoever picks out her clothes for her everyday seems to think that she's about ten feet tall. Like this:

I actually kind of like her top. It's so LOUD and retro and Palms Springs-y, and I have a weakness for loud, retro, Palms Springs-y tops. But MAN ALIVE is it overwhelming on her frame.  I think she's wearing it with slim jeans, and rightly so (it's hard to tell in the picture), but I honestly think she's just too small to wear something this bold in both cut and print, period. It's just not flattering and I can't really think how she could ever pull it off. If it were a solid color, sure, or had either the billowing cut in the body of the shirt OR the big sleeves but not both, maybe. But as it is, she just looks like a little girl playing dress up down at her grandma's condo by the golf course. Next, maybe Grandma will let her drink some General Foods International Coffee and pretend to smoke a cigarette out on the lanai!

This isn't an isolated incident, either. La Bell is almost always wearing something that looks far too big on her. Like earlier this week, at the Neiman Marcus event that's yielded so much material for us lately:

"I'm wearing a red sequined sack!" she says. "I fashioned my dress out of one of those old school sun-reflectors people used in 80s movies to fry their faces to a crisp," Melissa George says. "Together, you need sunglasses just to look at us!"

For serious, Kristen, you are just overwhelmed in that thing. Which is a real shame, because you can rock the red when you get the cut right:

So much better! And while I actually like the sequins on the first get-up (see: my secret love for clothing that might actually be costumes -- I'm not joking, I have a pink and gold lame brocade coat and I wear it. In my defense, the lame is pretty subtle. Okay, I know that's impossible. And yes, I know that I just lost what little credibility I ever had, but I think we'll all manage to go on. Maybe, now that I have destroyed said credibility, I shall go on in a turban of some sort!), this silhouette is so much more flattering to her body. Because we can, you know, see it.

So, get thee to a tailor, little Miss Mars.  Start getting things taken in and up, so we can all admire your cute little shape. Then we'll go out shopping for floral print muumuus together and we can discuss why YOU think Veronica Mars is so much more annoying now than she used to be. I have some theories I'd like to get your thoughts on.

Posted by Jessica at 03:24 PM in Kristen Bell | Permalink


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