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March 28, 2007

Fugley Shelton

Actress Marley Shelton learns the hard way that when you're attending a fashion show that primarily involves sitting, satin is your most deadly, dastardly enemy. I am stunned no one attacked her with a steamer.

Posted by Heather at 12:21 PM | Permalink

Fug Pointe

So often in fashion, it all hinges on the tailoring.

Unfortunately for the delightful Lindsay Sloane -- so great in the Tori Spelling role when she was on Grosse Pointe, the WB's show-within-the-show takeoff on 90210 -- the tailoring of this dress appears almost exclusively to have involved a stapler and a hot glue gun, as well as a brisk amount of vodka. Martha Stewart would not approve. Well, except for the vodka part.

Posted by Heather at 11:02 AM | Permalink

FugHouse

Witness actress Laura Cayouette at the Grindhouse premiere:

This is what we, in the Fug biz, call "a lot going on," also known as  "a bit much, don't you think?". While I applaud her...bravery, and her self-esteem,  and her apparently ability to rig the back of her dress on a rope and pulley system to shorten and lengthen it at will, this is the sort of dress that....well, there's something to be said for leaving certain things to the imagination and I fear that a good gust of wind will destroy all of our imaginations forever.

Posted by Jessica at 10:09 AM | Permalink

March 27, 2007

Fug Months

"And so I thought, what the heck? It looked great on the runway!"

"Unfortunately, it turns out that it makes ME  look a little bit like a sofa.  But what are you gonna do? Am I right?"

Posted by Jessica at 02:20 PM | Permalink

Fugga Mendes


[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Eva Mendes is not a particularly dowdy, shapeless person. And yet, she looks to be both of those things here. Why the unflattering wide-legged jeans that gobble up her shoes in their toxic denim sea? Why the cardigan that cuts her at her widest point, swallowing her curves? Was she dragged here? I'm all for casual wear -- hell, I dashed to Sav-On yesterday in my slippers to get cold and flu medication and some restorative Gatorade -- but I feel like you can be comfortable at an event without looking as if you had been laying around the house in your too-big lazy-day jeans before realizing you are out of Diet Coke and Jif, throwing on a shawl to go run a really fast, "I don't care what I'm wearing because I will only be outside for two seconds, so it doesn't matter that I don't have any shoes that go with these pants" errand , and then spontaneously deciding to drop in on Quentin Tarantino for some fun face time.

I don't blame her for eschewing skinny jeans, but there is a happy medium between those and what amounts to floor-length culottes. Also, is it just me, or do those pants make her legs look freakishly short? I mean, I'm staring at the fade in the wash and wondering if that's supposed to be where her knee is, but it can't be, because factoring in that she's presumably still with both her ankles, that would leave about three inches for her shin.

Sigh. Maybe that's just the TheraFlu talking.

Posted by Heather at 01:06 PM | Permalink

Adventures of a Teenage Fug Queen

Originally, our little LiLo had planned to wear her Shakespearean get-up to the premiere of The Tudors, but realized that perhaps she was being a bit too literal.  So she went for a deconstructed homage to the chainmail of Henry VIII's knights instead:

This pit-chain also has the benefit of acting like a de facto leash, in case she runs into anyone at the party that she'd like to have lead her around by the boobs. You never know: those Hollywood parties get KEE-RAZY.

[Insert obligatory statement about how at least she's wearing cute shoes here.]

Posted by Jessica at 10:09 AM in Lindsay Lohan | Permalink

Fug's Next Fug Fug

Pop quiz, darlings! This will count for ten percent of your grade in Fug 101: Fugology Basics.

America's Next Top Model runner-up Melrose Bickerstaff:

a) was so overcome by the trauma of her loss that she finally surrendered to the dark side and allowed herself to become a child of the night,  feasting on the blood of humans and occasionally turning -- when appropriate -- into a bat. The upside to this, of course, is that she's finally stopped the aging process.

b) really finds, you know, inspiration in the story of Little Red Riding Hood, and likes to imagine that she is the titular heroine, while Tyra Banks is the Big Bad Wolf whose stomach she will eventually get to hack through in order to rescue someone innocent who Tyra has eaten (probably Twiggy).

c) is just really into Superman

You have ten minutes to complete this quiz. Extra credit will be given for anyone who can trace, in three paragraphs or less, the connection between Melrose's cape and the absence of Janice Dickinson from the ANTM judging panel. If applicable, place a special emphasis on the spoken word poetry of former contestant Jade, especially her work "Leftover Lady."

Posted by Jessica at 08:11 AM | Permalink

March 26, 2007

The Fugs of Malibu

Linda Thompson isn't someone we'd generally feature here on GFY, because -- despite her storied past dating Elvis and, um, appearing on Hee Haw -- she's primarily working behind the scenes these days as a songwriter. However, her Wikipedia entry identifies her as an "actress," and the woman did agree to appear on a reality show (the very short-lived  Princes of Malibu, which also unleashed her son by Bruce Jenner, Brody Jenner, upon us. That said, I secretly think Brody Jenner is very cute. On the other hand, I really wish Lauren on The Hills would stay far away from him. I think he's using you, LC! His friends are so douchey! You don't need that in your life! Date some guy who doesn't want to be on television. Now, I live in Los Angeles, too, so I know how hard that can be, but you deserve better. And seriously, you can't have a mother-in-law who dresses like this. Okay, end of Hills-related sidebar). Ergo, I think she's fair game. Also, clearly she's not shrinking from attention:

Lady, you have a great body, but I don't need to see your bra OR your panties. Ever.  You appear to be wearing a formal swimsuit cover-up of some sort, which isn't appropriate unless you're actually going to a formal pool party, or you're J. Lo. Which you are not. Although J. Lo probably would have dated Elvis if the timing had worked out.

Posted by Jessica at 02:02 PM | Permalink

The Fug and the Fugliful

"Hi. I'm Ridge Forrester.

"You might remember me as the, ahem, young fashion magnate from the reality show The Bold & The Beautiful, a decadent half-hour of dead-on documentary honesty about the dog-eat-dog fashion industry and the sex-crazed people who run it from their lush offices in L.A. while their wives die and then come back to life a few times. I am rather sure I represent the 'beautiful' side of things on this docudrama, what with my chiseled cheeks and the daring bandanna that's cutting off my oxygen supply. I mean, I've married eight times, seven of them to the same two women (hey, I'm consistent! And loyal... ish!), so I must be pretty foxy, right? Especially since I'm still with one of them even though I inadvertently raped her last year, which... look, it happens, okay? Sometimes you trip and fall, and in it goes, and, well, awkward! But we're fine now, and I'm ensuring us a happy ending by previewing here my newest collection, which is going to make us millions of pennies. It's called Lounge Lizard. We're targeting karaoke competitions and a few off-strip Las Vegas casinos, as well as any place that has a hot dog stand inside, like most mini-golf venues, because you can spill all the toppings on some of these shirts -- like mine! -- and no one will ever notice. So don't worry about ol' Ridge Forrester, Fickle Love Whore, because I have got it ALL under control. I am young, SO VERY YOUNG, and I'm in love with the blonde one, or at least I think that's the one, and I'm about to slither around on top of a grand piano singing 'Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You.' Life is perfect."

Posted by Heather at 12:03 PM | Permalink

Fugarina Witt

Katarina Witt has got to step outside her Ice Capades comfort zone.

Does she think we won't recognize her if she's not wearing glitter, or something conducive to pitching in just in case a raucous skate-off breaks out at the party? Honey, you're Katarina Witt! You are the beautiful East German goddess who won six European skating championships in a row and two consecutive Olympic gold medals! You captured our hearts so much that we weren't even really rooting for poor ol' Debi Thomas of the U.S.A. (sorry, Debi; it's nothing personal) because we wanted to be tall and graceful like you! And you won an Emmy for, I kid our readers not, Carmen On Ice in 1990! I promise we will recognize you. Or, more accurately, that we in particular at GFY will recognize you. Which means you can run but you can't hide, so maybe look into broadening your shopping experience, okay?

Unless you are at a gala for the ice version of Anne of Green Gables and you are playing the inspirational, uplifting schoolteacher Miss Stacey, in which case, hooray, and go forth and eat dinner at Marilla and Matthew's house. But, a word of advice: Don't eat the dessert, because Anne accidentally lost a dead rat in it, although she'll scream that at you herself in a minute. I guess I kind of scooped her on that one. Whoops.

Posted by Heather at 10:20 AM | Permalink

 

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