April 17, 2007
CMT Awards Show Fug: Carrie Underwood
I have a pet theory about Carrie Underwood and Kellie Pickler. For whatever reason, I feel like whenever they run into each other on the red carpet, Kellie is like a puppy dog who's just thrilled to try to hump Carrie's leg, while Carrie will simply have none of it. In fact, I imagine that Carrie just slides past Kellie without a word, merely turning up her nose and looking away. This is based not at all in any fact -- though I have heard the Underwood is kind of a pain -- but mostly on Underwood's general demeanor, which seems prim and a bit self-impressed. That being said, she's certainly dressed for the part on the CMT red carpet:
She looks very pretty and sweetly conservative -- if much, much tinier than she used to be -- in a way that works with her sort of Reese Witherspoon-y, debutante-y looks. She also looks like a supporting character in a romcom in which the lead is sort of this klutzy (but charming!) girl who is marrying into a conservative, very monied Southern family, who of course are all taken aback by Klutzy But Charming's inability to blend in at Junior League functions (with the exception, I imagine, of the genial grandfather character, who realizes that a shot of moxie is exactly what his family needs!). Carrie, of course, would be playing the disapproving, uptight -- but beautiful -- sister of the male lead. And after a lot of raised eyebrows over the punch bowl, naturally, she would come to embrace Klutzy But Charming, so we can all have our happy ending. So I can see why she wouldn't want to have much to do with The Pickler, who seems like she might have sticky hands.
However, THIS version of Carrie Underwood has no right to judge:
To be completely honest with you, this Carrie Underwood looks like a lot more fun than the other one. Sure, she's wearing shiny shorts and a really too-large belt and freaking legwarmers, but she doesn't look nearly as brittle and also, she'll probably do some shots with you and then drunk dial that stupid boy you're not supposed to be drunk dialing to tell him, on your behalf, that he's a MORON. Then she'll drag you out to pick up other boys. And the whole time, you'll be thinking, "I can't believe you're wearing freaking LEGWARMERS, Carrie, JESUS" but you're also thinking, very quietly, "but your legs do look kind of awesome. But LEGWARMERS. No, I just can't. NO TO LEGWARMERS"
But this Carrie Underwood really shouldn't be mean to Kellie Pickler. She should buy Kellie Pickler a drink and then try and fix the poor girl's hair.
And fail, obviously. But still.