April 03, 2007
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Jamie-Lynn Spears
"Hi y'all! It's been ages since I've been out and about, allowing myself to be seen. It's been kind of an awkward year. For a while there I was mostly hiding behind bushes, or running upstairs and slamming the door and locking it and turning up my Fall Out Boy CD really loudly to drown out the sounds of my sister banging on it and yelling at me to braid her hair, or rip out her hair, or try getting a brush through her hair, or wash her hair, or tell her she had pretty hair -- or toward the end, lotion up her scalp. I tried to be there for her, because I love her, but sometimes, a girl's just gotta hide under the bed with her BlackBerry and her stuffed dog Mr. Muffins. Right?
"Still, I'm here, and I'm doing swell! I'm a little overtanned -- all that time under the bed made me a little pasty, and I got overexcited when I snuck out to buy bronzer -- but otherwise, really, I look pretty great. Or at least that's what everyone keeps telling me. Well, okay, Britney didn't say that; she asked me to spot her $20 and then told me my shoes could fetch a nice price on eBay if I never wore them again. But my brother saw me and burst into tears and said something like, "It's a miracle" and muttered words like "normal" and "dodge" and "bullet" into my shoulder while he was sobbing on it, and my mother didn't say anything, but while she was locking my chastity belt's bonus padlock, she looked really relieved and proud for a second. In fact, I'm getting a lot of that -- people keep squeezing me on the shoulder, or hugging me extra tight, and telling me how clean I look as they wipe the tears out of their eyes. I'm not sure why they're so emotional, although apparently Hilary Duff's new album is really raw so maybe they were just listening to that on their iPods. I can't wait to put out an album. Mom said I could become a singer on the 10th of Never, but then B came in and threw a vase at her and then tried to light her copy of Crossroads on fire, so I never got to sit down and ask her when that is, but I think it's, like, Roman for "November," which... AWESOME! I had better get writing! Get ready, y'all!"