April 03, 2007
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Paula Abdul
"YEE-HAW! I mean, hello. I'm Paula Abdul.
"I am late for my shift at Hogs and Heifers but you know what? I just have to tell you something. This awards show...has really....you've really....you touch me, Nickelodeon Awards Show thingie. I'm....touched. By your spirit. Your spirit is like the scent of uniforms -- I mean, unicorns -- unicorns. I like unicorns. They're shiny. Like my boots. And my belt buckle. And my labels. Lapels. Labpels. La la la la LAPEL! I'm sorry, that was totally pitchy, wasn't it? What would Simon say? SIMON SAYS! I like that game. It sounds like rainbows, and rainbows taste like cookies. I know you're wondering why I have a leash attached to my belt and the way you asked me about it really moved me. I am moved by it. I'm not allowed to tell you the answer because the goblins will eat my pants if I do. So SHHHH, don't ask. But just keep being a shining star in the sky of this orange carpet and know that your soul is the pants on the mannequin of the world, okay? Now I really have to go. If I'm more than 15 minutes late they make me work the back room and the guys in there are so handsy."