Perfect Fugger

Every time I see an ad for the new Bruce Willis/Halle Berry movie Perfect Stranger, I misread the title as Perfect Strangers, and I can't help wondering which of them is playing Cousin Larry, and which is Balki Bartokomous. (For what it's worth, I think Halle would have to be Cousin Larry. She's definitely more of the straight man-type in that twosome.) Sadly, no one is doing the dance of joy over the outfit  Adriana Lima chose to wear to the movie's premiere:

So many problems. For one thing, when you're a Victoria's Secret model, why why why are you covering everything up like that? Tights AND long-sleeves? Honey, you're a babe, and it's springtime. Show a little skin.

Which brings us to problem number two. When I was a girl, my family would occasionally go to a restaurant called North Woods Inn, which was decorated like a faux log cabin, complete with faux snow on the roof. Inside, there were peanut shells on the floor, roaring fires and huge servings of meat and garlic toast. In retrospect, it was kitschy in the extreme, but fun, especially if you are a kid. Anyway, in addition to the fake snow and the peanuts, North Woods Inn also featured cocktail waitresses who wore -- in the opinion of 9 year old me -- the CUTEST outfits. Basically, they looked like can-can dancers, but with extremely short skirts. So alluring were these uniforms that every girl I knew in my elementary school cherished, at one point or another, a burning desire to be a cocktail waitress when she grew up. And it seems that Adriana must have felt similarly, judging from her Tray Of Boobs. I could rest many a Shirley Temple on that rack and while I think cleavage is awesome, this cleav seems strangely out of place bursting out of the rest of her Salute To Spinsters in Mourning ensemble.

Let's not even talk about the bow. I fear it's holding her head on, and that mental image will send me into a Shirley Temple binge for sure.