Yoanna Fug

Back in the very early days, when a talk show was just a glint in Tyra's eye, America's Next Top Model picked Yoanna House as its second winner.

Yoanna's best moment on ANTM was screaming at uber-bitch Camille, in an oft-replayed talk-to-the-hand moment that won me over forever even though I can't really remember anything else she did that season. Well, except for when she cut her own hair at the final photo shoot, a ridiculous thing to do that only didn't hurt her because she was lucky enough to be posing with a helmet on (and what a photo it was, saving her from obscurity by giving Tyra something she can put on the wall of every ANTM house until the end of time, or available networks -- whichever comes first). She had kind of a weird personality, in the sense that she might not have had one at all, and she was the typical "I used to be 50 lbs. heavier"/"The judges say I need to tone up in order to have a model's body" heartwarming tale that we all so cherish -- the kind of thing that would have gotten her an entire episode of Tyra's talk show, if only it had existed.

Yoanna is also arguably the most successful winner, given that she has an actual, visible job as the host of The Look For Less on the Style Network. Despite the fact that she was a combination of bizareness and blandness heretofore considered impossible, she has managed to get herself a regular paycheck. This is largely due to her face.

Yoanna has some serious face. The short hair set off her cheekbones, and the dark color amped up the natural beauty of her skin tone and her green eyes. She's unique.

Or, she was. Sadly, those days are behind us.

Now, she looks like refried Lindsay Lohan.

When I saw this photo in a smaller, blurrier size, I seriously thought it was Lindsay, and that hanging out with Hilary Duff again had prompted her to rediscover her old Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen hair, which then resulted in a partial-amnesia spell that meant we'd have to deal with a retread of them fighting over Aaron Carter and Chad Michael  Murray (please, nobody encourage those boys like that). And then I realized that maybe her amnesia would mean a complete do-over, and we'd get to see Lindsay relive her youth without the nip-slips and the overdose rumors and the Bruce Willis blow-job fiasco, and I got misty-eyed, because it's Shannen Doherty's birthday today and getting our proper Lohan back -- the way she should have been -- would seem like the perfect way for the universe to honor such a spectacular day.

But no. It's Yoanna, having played down what made her unique and bronzed herself up and morphed into a generic clone with bad extensions that she almost certainly got for less. I'm not saying she doesn't still have a charm to her, but seriously, that hair screams, "Ken Paves gave me Generic Hollywood Starlet Weave #4: Shaving Enough Years Off  Your Age That The CW Execs Will Look Twice At You Again." Sigh.