June 18, 2007
Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Miss Tyra
When I was watching the Daytime Emmy Awards the other night -- look, we all know I love soaps, and we all know I REALLY love awards shindigs, so it was a pretty marriage of my favorite things -- I did a double-take when Ellen DeGeneres won for best talk show host. Not because I didn't think she deserved it; rather, it was because when she got up to accept the award, she walked past what appeared to be a giant cake, and high-fived it.
My first thought was, "Wow, I love Ellen. I mean, if that woman is hanging out with person-sized baked goods, clearly I need to be in her entourage." Then I thought, "No, her Ellentourage. HA!" And then I realized I was a) making bad jokes out loud while totally alone, and b) sitting on the couch on a Friday watching an awards show without any of my bitches around, all of which made it even SADDER when I noticed that the aforementioned cake was not a delicious dessert treat but, in fact, one Miss Tyra Banks.
The good news is, Tyra has found a way to conceal the wig tape.
The BETTER news is that if Lindsay Lohan keeps wetting the bed all over her once-promising career, pretty soon they'll reunite so that Tyra can recycle this dress as the living doll in Life Size 2: Sleeping Booty.
Unless this was a challenge for the next season of America's Next Top Model, wherein the girls had to learn what it takes to be Tyra by hiding under her gown. That skirt could conceal at least ten model-sized people -- nine and a half if she has a fake plus-size person in the group. And that is why we love Miss Tyra. Why wear enough dress for one person when you could wear one the size of Luxembourg?