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June 08, 2007

Fug The Cover: Katherine Heigl

Now that my new issue of Entertainment Weekly is (theoretically) about to arrive on my doorstep, I can finally chuck last week's -- which is a relief, because the cover photo of Katherine Heigl was giving me a severe case of what doctors call "the creeps."

Not that this is Heigl's fault. She's turned into a terrific actress, for one thing, and she's also completely adorable. To all those haters on message boards who say she's fat just because she isn't a twig like Ellen Pompeo, I say, A POX ON YOU. That is CRAZY TALK. We should all be so lucky as to be as "fat" as Katherine Heigl, what with her perfect curves and her pretty face and her completely NORMAL, healthy body (not to mention the fact that she's probably still a size 4 or something, because this town is totally dysfunctional).

Just look how nice she looks inside EW:

See? She's cute! She's playful! Her eyes are open! She looks sober, or at the very least, mildly buzzed enough that she's still fun but not in danger of drooling on the pavement and flashing her privates before accidentally deigning to go home with Calum Best like everyone else does!

You'd think those last two wouldn't be important distinctions, but they are when you consider the photo they used on the actual COVER of EW (a really unfortunate acronym for the mag, come to think of it, but also sort of apt in this case).

Is it just me, or does her head look way too big for her body? Methinks somebody went a little crazy with the airbrushing. Because in watching two hours and nine minutes of Knocked Up, three seasons of Grey's Anatomy, and more episodes of Roswell than I'd like to admit, I've NEVER once thought to myself, "Aw, how nice, they hired a bobblehead." I have ALSO never once thought, "Aw, that Heigl girl needs airbrushing."

Plus, they picked a photo in which she looks sleepy-drunk, her hair isn't as cute, and they've painted Renee Zellweger's cheeks onto her with makeup. Weren't there better options? In fact, what's wrong with the one they used on the inside? It's playfully sexy -- remember? The movie's a comedy! -- and she looks ten times better. It's got to be that we can see more of her boobs on this one; I assume that's sort of newsstand Golden Rule: "Flash unto others as you would have them flash unto you." Assuming those others are pretty actresses; presumably they wouldn't slap Rip Torn in a corset on the cover. Although, actually, I confess I'd totally stop and read that article. So maybe it does apply to every situation.

Posted by Heather at 11:09 AM in Fug The Cover | Permalink


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