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June 25, 2007

Fugger Perabo

Why so glum, Piper?

Your skirt isn't that bad. ... Okay, maybe the hemline is a little funky right now, and the ruffles seem kind of janky and crushed near the waist. And that shirt is hanging really limply off of your torso. And your hair could use some attention (perhaps a volumizer?). Also, those shoes are kind of awful -- and even if I'm alone on that island, at the very least you still shouldn't have worn them with this outfit. To a major movie premiere. And you look like you might be considering a killing spree.

But other than that, what's the reason for looking so snarly? You were in Coyote Ugly! Sure, it's kind of painful to watch sometimes, but you got to dance on a bar and watch Tyra Banks boogie in a diner with Bridget Moynahan back before the latter dieted herself into a man's jawline and then got knocked up during ex sex, and that Adam Garcia sure was kind of cute. So look on the bright side. It's not like you had suffer Adam's fate: following up Coyote Ugly with Bootmen, where he led a bunch of steel workers in a tap-dancing show to try and save the town or the mill or their artistic souls or somesuch.

So, smile a little, okay? Skip the surliness. Stand up straight. Enjoy life, and the fact that you're still invited to stuff. Because until you're soldering metal to the bottom of people's work boots and teaching them to dance on industrial barrels of some sort, your life hasn't gone that wrong.

Posted by Heather at 10:15 AM | Permalink


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