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July 02, 2007

The Fug Files

I'm pretty sure Gillian Anderson just realized that her dress was actually made of upholstery cast-offs from the club chair my grandma angled across from her bedroom closet, the one I used to drag into said closet so I could have the height required to steal her wig off the top shelf:

Nice cleavage, Scully, but between you and me, in addition to losing the chenille, could we think about going back to the red hair? I'm sure it's one of those things where the color is a pain in the ass to keep up and it reminds you of a job you eventually found yourself sort of less than thrilled about, but....seriously, it really looked good on you. Could you just do it, for me?  When I was recapping The X-Files for Television Without Pity like a hundred years ago, there were episodes where your pretty, pretty red hair was about the only thing that kept me from going totally out of my mind from the sheer effort of trying to figure out what the heck was going on there at the end. Like how you got pregnant, despite the fact that your ova were all hanging out in Mulder's freezer, next to the ice cream. Or how Mulder was writing you love-emails, but...calling you DANA in them, LIKE I AM SO SURE. Or how you never moved out of that apartment despite the fact that your sister got killed there and people attempted to murder you there, seriously, like six or seven times, and then you just left your baby there all the time with total strangers despite the fact that you KNOW someone probably wanted to do something nefarious with him because of how he could move things with his mind! While all this was afoot, I just had to focus on your hair.  And it helped. But now terrible other-worldly things are happening to your dress, and I don't have the red hair to distract me. In fact, I just keep thinking how much better you look WITH the red hair. It's really kind of a problem.

Posted by Jessica at 11:05 AM | Permalink


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