August 15, 2007
Okay, Ashlee. It's great that you're in love -- seriously, we're all very happy for you, given what a muscular streak of misery your sister usually turns into when she's not in the tabloids hiding behind her hair while a dude pulls her around by the hand. So, be happy.
But why does love have to equal Repetitive Headgear Syndrome?
[Photo: Splash News]
We respect that, since Pete Wentz stopped so graciously telling the press that you two would only be a great love story in another lifetime and started allowing himself to be photographed wrapped all around your waist, you might be content taking a backseat for a while during his band's tour. But I feel like 7 times out of 10 that I've seen you two together lately -- usually in the pages of one of the gossip rags that winks up at me from my doorstep every week -- you have your noggin stuffed inside a fedora. (The other three times, your head is free as a bird but your hair clearly hasn't been brushed in 72 hours -- although I'm pleased to see you have at least taken a comb to it in recent memory here -- and 10 times out of 10, you are hiding half of your face somewhere in the vicinity of Pete's right ear.)
What gives, Simpson the Younger? Does Pete yank out your hair in the heat of passion? Do you just bump your head a lot? Did Ken Paves screw up your weave? If it's that last one, there ARE other hairdressers. Just because he is your sister's only friend doesn't mean you have to pay him to make your hair look so limp that you hide under a hat all the time. Free yourself.