Can't Hardly Fug

Add the following to the list of questions I plan to ponder whilst lying in bed tonight: Ethan Embry -- what gives?

Subquestions include: are they making a film version of VH1's Rock of Love, and he's playing Bret Michaels, without Bret's trademark golden locks, but WITH Bret's kooky love of the bandanna/hat combo? If so, will the actress playing the contestant who got a tattoo of Bret's name (!) on her neck (!!) actually exhibit a similar Method-like devotion to the role and get her own Bret Michaels tattoo? And if THAT occurs, will Bret Michaels himself perhaps be so swayed by this that he will end up, in the end, with this actress, rather than anyone on his own show, and -- if you're all still with me -- if THAT happens, whose head with explode first? And if it's Ethan Embry's, will his gray matter remain neatly contained in the headgear pictured? And if it does, could this all mean that, actually, Ethan Embry is impressively prescient? And if he IS impressively prescient, do you think he should stop acting and open a psychic hotline called That Thing You're Going To Do!, cashing in on his role in That Thing You Do! at long last? And if That Thing You're Going to Do! takes off, and Cashmere Mafia does not, will Embry throw cute Tom Everett Scott a bone and give him a role in his psychic hotline infomercials, thus leading to an era in which insomniacs turn to their sleeping partners and say, "I can't BELIEVE Tom Everett Scott is in a PSYCHIC HOTLINE COMM -- oh, you're asleep. Sigh." And if so, will that be the kind of thing you remember to convey in the morning? SO MANY QUESTIONS.