September 14, 2007
VMA Fug Carpet: Lil' Mama
Okay, so this is a bit belated, but after it slipped past us once we couldn't allow Lil' Mama to escape again.
Of course, now that I've caught her, I'm not sure what to do with her. She might respond to being confined to her playpen for the afternoon, or merely forced to sit in the corner and reflect on the dangers of walking around unsupervised with something in her mouth. What if she fell? Imagine the dental bills THEN, Lil' Mama. You'd better hope your record company has a good insurance plan for you. Also, don't run with scissors, play with matches, take candy from strangers, or read Judy Blume's Forever until you're totally sure you're going to understand what a penis is and what mysterious things it likes to do.
Although I guess, in some ways, I have to give it up to her -- obviously she feels very strongly that this is an important statement to make. But I just can't figure out what that statement IS exactly. What the hell is this even saying?
Does she need nursing? Is it naptime? Does she want us to know she's been naughty and requires a firm spanking? Is fellating a pacifier her way of telling us, secretly, that her upcoming album totally sucks? In six months are we all expected to wear bedazzled baby toys as earrings?
I give up; I don't get it. Obviously it's just all too subtle for me.