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October 31, 2007

Well Played, Our Blessed Lady of High Camp

It's only Wednesday, and yet somehow it's already been a long week. It's also Halloween, of course, which means nobody is really focusing on work because they're too busy thinking about getting drunk at a bar while wearing a feather boa or a Fembot costume, or whether you possibly have enough gold lame to costume yourself as a Eurovision Song Contest runner-up. Life is stressful. And Mercury is in retrograde, which probably means your dog will accidentally eat its Wonder Woman costume before you get a chance to take it up and down the street in the hopes of scoring some candy.

What better way to celebrate, or at last endure, this particular Hump Day than to acknowledge the brilliance of a woman whose Dynasty character pretty much treated every day like some form of Hump Day, if you know what I mean. Dex Dexter certainly does. As does Blake Carrington. And Mark Jennings, before he fell off her balcony. And a bunch of random Middle Eastern businessmen with oil leases, not to mention Ricardo Montalban's character Zach Powers. Oh, and we can't forget King Galen of Moldavia. And that's just the short list.

Behold, Joan Collins:

The earrings are like expensive versions of those brassy nightmares that were pretty much the visual centerpiece of Desperately Seeking Susan. The dress might be a nightie. And Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan would've worn almost this exact same thing in the 80s -- possibly with a turban made of that same white fur, but otherwise it's fairly close.

And yet, Joan Collins manages to look hot and regal and just as awesome as if she were still gracing our TV screens in an Aaron Spelling drama wherein her son was decorating her son-in-law's office with lead paint to make him crazy. Sharon Stone is well on her way, but she still can't quite hold a candle to the original. Joan doesn't just know how to amp up the drama; she exudes it and makes it look natural. She is a delicious, divine diva, and one of these years I really need to put my effort into going as either her or her alter-ego for Halloween. Really, I'm just afraid I won't do it justice, because seriously, nobody wraps herself in fur or fur-substitute quite like she does. Also, I would get marinara on that thing. Even if there is none in sight.

So, as we ease our way through what really already feels like it should be a Friday but cruelly isn't, here is a Fugment of Zen brought to you by the prodigious slappy talents of Ms. Joan Collins herself:

You will especially enjoy the editor's initial care at showing you how the dog feels about all this madness.

Posted by Heather at 01:13 PM | Permalink


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