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November 13, 2007

Celebrity Rut Watch: Brad Pitt

Dear Brad,

Listen, I feel you. I have these two waffle-knit cotton shirts from The Gap that have been my go-to lately for bumming around the house pecking away at my blog and watching Brothers & Sisters and Days of our Lives. Speaking of which, don't you think they should have Marlena get possessed by the devil again? Soaps are in trouble. That would probably help. Everyone loves Satanic undereye bags, contact lenses, and levitation. Some folks might just call that "Thursday," but I think it makes for compelling afternoon procrastination material.

But that's not why I'm here. My point is: I know how it feels to be in a rut of wearing comfortable clothes. I do. And yet, I also don't live on the red carpet. Here you are at the Beowulf premiere:

It's not that you DON'T have a nice coat. Or a nice shirt. I'm sure your pants are lined with angels. Expensive angels that you can only borrow from Heaven because you and your half-wife, "Angel"ina, cooked up and squeezed out the undisputed (until Suri Cruise rises to power) savior of our land.

No, my concern here is that I saw this picture and thought, "The hat AGAIN? I feel like all he does is wear this hat." You do seem to have been leaning on the newsboy cap rather a lot lately. What gives, Brad? What's the breaking story?

Here he is a week earlier:

And yet earlier:

Are you just really into the musical Newsies? Doing some caddying in your spare time? Going on a hat binge in order to encourage Angelina to do the same with meatball subs? Perhaps you are planning to quit acting because you have a cockamamie business scheme that involves eschewing hygiene: "Extra, Extra! Read all about it! Pitt Refuses To Shower, Uses Hair To Cultivate Own Brand Of Organic Cooking Oil!"

Or is it something else? Brad... are you balding? No, seriously. Talk to us. We're here to help. Because we love the baldies: Taye Diggs, Tom Colicchio, Daddy Warbucks, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise (I believe his Earth name is Patrick Stewart), occasional-cue-ball and Derek Zoolander Celebrity Supermodel Walk-Off Support Crew Chief Billy Zane... the list is long and glorious. You should not feel shame. Embrace the chance to grease up your splendid cranium and debut it to the world.

Or is reliance on The Newsboy just a male equivalent of women developing a wig obsession, and I should relax my level of concern and just let him LIVE?

Posted by Heather at 12:29 PM in Celebrity Terror Watch | Permalink


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