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December 18, 2007

Rachel Fugvin

Rachel Melvin is very cute. She's on Days of our Lives, playing one of those sassy and screwed-up college kids who are supposed to attract young people back to the soaps, but don't, because none of the writers are particularly hip to today's kids and their crazy nowadays-jive -- or indeed, these days, even there at all, because of the strike. But she's quite good on the show despite some truly excruciating storylines (including now, it seems, that old chestnut Oops I Killed A Dude By Accident But The Best Way To Deal With It Is To Cover It Up And Then Act Really Guilty, which has been displayed to equally excruciating yet more exquisitely acted extent on Friday Night Lights), and so I wish her a jolly 2008.

One thing that does apparently dog this girl from time to time, however, is having to deal with people who think she is ANOTHER famous dark-haired Rachel --which is to say, Rachel Bilson. Perhaps that's why La Melvin decided to go out in public wearing this:


[Photo: Splash News]

Since I have to believe there is no WAY Rachel Bilson would ever be caught dead in that cheap-looking tangerine ode to the Charlotte Russe clearance rack, this ensemble should have saved Rachel Melvin quite effectively from spending the entire night denying any firsthand olfactory knowledge of Adam Brody's natural musk.

Posted by Heather at 10:22 AM | Permalink

Random Fug

In searching for information on actress Menna Shalabi, I accidentally stumbled through the looking glass: There is no Wikipedia page for her. How can that be? How is it that there is no self-proclaimed expert on all things Menna Shalabi -- not even Menna Shalabi herself -- who has devoted a free online page to the details of her career and salacious rumors about her personal life, or her pets, or the mysteries of her shoe size? All you get if you Google her is an unsatisfactory IMDb page, a comment on a blog entry that deems her "vulgar," and YouTube footage that indicates that she might once have been in some kind of car accident. Such is my life that when Wikipedia draws a blank, so do I; ergo, I have no choice but to infer from those fuzzy snippets that Menna is an actress who is passionately committed to swearing and has poor vehicular karma. And whose name anagrams either to A Blase Ham Inn -- which sounds unappealing, as there is nothing more disheartening than a bed-and-breakfast that is not fully enthusiastic about ham -- and Inane Lab Sham, which implies she might be prone to skulking around hospitals to pull DNA test switcheroos.

None of which has anything to do with what she was wearing. I just needed to share my frustration. Thank you, readers, for being a friend. But let's get to the point now, which is this:

Truthfully, I'm not sure how you're SUPPOSED to wear a dress with a sheer front. It's a bit like debating how high to pull up your legwarmers, or whether you should wear a turtleneck with the barrel you have poked your legs through -- is there REALLY a RIGHT way to do it? Indeed, having decided that a nude boobular contraption would blend right into nude gauze and fade away from sight, Menna appears to have strapped herself into a serious Bad Idea Bustier on this occasion. On the plus side: If Project Runway ever again asks someone to recontextualize the mighty shoulder pad, this makes for an amusing blueprint. Sure, it'll end up on a Mannequin of Shame, but it'd be worth it just to see Tim Gunn's brow furrow as he scrapes together the last vestiges of tact in his arsenal.

Posted by Heather at 09:07 AM in Random Fug | Permalink

December 17, 2007

Scrolldown Fug: Keri Hilson

Keri Hilson, in addition to having a debut album coming out at some point, is a longtime songwriter. You may know her from Britney Spears' "Gimme More," which you probably can't get out of your head despite the fact that you are trying really hard, because supporting it feels like endorsing Wrecked Britney; in a way, it's Hilson's fault if you, say, wound up with that song on your iTunes and inadvertently boogie -- yes, BOOGIE -- in your chair when it comes on while I... um, I mean YOU... casually read gossip blogs on the Intertubes.

Not that it's Hilson's fault that Britney makes me sad. I'm sure Keri is a very nice girl. She's certainly pretty:

Unfortunately, it deteriorates from there. Obviously, the legwarmers are a refried slice of crazy, but what really confounds me is the jacket. What is the point of all those zippers? Why is there a short one on her cuff? What happens if you keep zipping up all the way around her shoulders? Do the sleeves come off completely, leaving her with a very elaborate bib? Or do they adjoin somehow in the back and become a cape? What am I supposed to take from this -- that I cannot truly contemplate the zippers of others until I have examined my own? If "X.Y.Z.P.D.Q." is the title of her first single, I might begin to understand. Otherwise the jacket just feels as if it's a pointless display that's all frills and no function or substance -- kind of like whatever new razor added one more blade than the other guy's. Or the Pussycat Dolls.

Posted by Heather at 12:36 PM | Permalink

Revenge of the Fug

Why, look what Santa brought us for Christmas!

I feel like there's a "ho, ho, ho" joke in here, but that's really just too easy.

Posted by Jessica at 11:48 AM | Permalink

Fugchanted

I'm just going to come out and say that I don't think a giant bow ever works, unless it's splashed across the hood of a new car:

Because I feel like Amy Adams looks a bit dowdy and somewhat droopy in this, and Amy Adams is far too young and lithe to look dowdy. And yet, here she is, all in costume as Dowdy Droopy McDated, with the huge bow and the pink lipstick and the toes and nails matching the lips and it's like all of a sudden I'm back at my junior high school's multi-purpose room heading into the eighth grade graduation dance -- at which I, for the record, ALSO wore something with a bow AND tiered ruffles. Although it was 1989, and I was 13, and the flowers on my dress coordinated with the elastics on my braces, so I think I looked pretty rad. But while this particular dress would have been, of course, far far too sophisticated for a junior high dance, there is still something about it that's Not Quite Right for 2008, if you're 75 or younger.

Posted by Jessica at 10:48 AM | Permalink

The Golden Fugpass

How nice of Nicole Kidman to detour off the Yellow Brick Road for her movie premiere.

But be warned, Nic: Now that the Tin Man has a heart, he's going to have LOTS of horny women dressed in aluminum foil competing for the chance to break it. So you'd better get going again if you want to be the one manning his oil can.

Posted by Heather at 09:06 AM | Permalink

December 14, 2007

Random Fug

I can't decide if Carmen Lebbos here is AWESOME or out of her mind:

A cape! A corset top! Wide-legged pants! All in BLACK SATIN! It's like Dracula: Saturday Night Fever.

Posted by Jessica at 01:29 PM in Random Fug | Permalink

Fugden Wohl

Arden Wohl is a socialite who denies being a socialite, and who has a penchant for accessorizing her forehead.

Arden Wohl was ALSO recently flown out of her nursery in the middle of the night by a betighted prepubescent boy, taken to a strange land where a bunch of young kids somehow manage to live together despite having no discernible way of doing laundry, pissed off a jealous fairy, had a series of pirate-adjacent adventures that no doubt contributed to that dirt smudge on her white tights, and was then dropped off in the Real World in time to make an appearance at this party. It's nice of Neverland to respect Arden's social schedule, but I suspect their willingness to work around it has something to do with her fashioning a bag and shoes out of Captain Hook's famous nemesis.

Posted by Heather at 12:36 PM | Permalink

Erin Fetherfug

Erin Fetherston designs really cute, very girly, whimsical dresses the likes of which you see on, say, Zooey Deschanel. So I am not really sure why she's gone out in what appears to be the robes my high school choir wore when we performed Cool Yule '93! A Celebration of Holiday Cheer:

Although I imagine she is very comfortable, and able to race through her mee-may-mah-mo-moo warm-ups with great ease.

Still love the bangs, though.

Posted by Jessica at 12:09 PM | Permalink

Fugger Fugabo

Well, at least Piper Perabo has cheered up considerably.

However, it's possible she hasn't taken a shower in two days, which kind of undermines the grin.

It's funny -- if she had tried a little harder she might be getting a Well Played, or at least getting ignored. The dress itself could be cute in a different context; I'm not sure I get the black triangles up by the straps, because on first glance they look like the tops of a very aggressive bra, but the pattern and colors are interesting. So if she'd just bothered to do up her hair in a more sleek (or brushed, or not-fried-looking) manner and matched it with less lazy shoes -- I mean, I love a red peep toe too, but not here -- or even just gave off the impression that she did not roll out of bed half an hour beforehand, she might've pulled off the whole thing nicely. Instead it's all schlumpy, like she wore it around all day while she was on the couch eating Doritos and watching college basketball and then dug out some shoes that would mostly hide her chipped pedicure and yawned her way out the door to a party.

Posted by Heather at 11:32 AM | Permalink

 

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