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December 20, 2007

You Know You Fug Me. XOXO, Gossip Fug

ED WESTWICK: Man, it is SO HARD to keep my clothes on these days.

PENN BADGLEY: It's okay, America. I won't take my clothes off until we're both completely ready to go to the next level together.

CHACE CRAWFORD: I'm BAAAAD. Check it! My hair is messy! And I DIDN'T SHAVE! Take THAT, world!

ED: I have so much pretend-sex for my day job that it's just impossible to wear these scratchy "shirts" any more in the real world. Does anyone want to have sex NOW, by any chance? I'm pretty much ready. One good deep breath and this thing is going to come right off.

PENN: Whereas I won't breathe deeply until we are both completely sure we're ready to breathe deeply together, because I respect you and your feelings. I am your perfect boy. Trust me.

ED: SNORE. As if! Which one of us is the dark brooding bad-boy hero, huh? Whose mouth do you want to wash out with soap? TONGUE soap?

CHACE: ME! Mine! I'm not a good boy! I'm SCRUFFY and everything! I didn't even floss last night!

PENN: Whatever. The point is, I'm so charming on my show that I could probably pull off wearing Ed's "shirt" and you'd call me a sensitive poet. See, I'm like the junior McDreamy. You'll find me in your Happy Meal along with a really cute toy we'll name something adorable, like Mr. Puddles.

CHACE: Screw poetry! It's for geeks! I haven't written a poem in weeks! ... Wait, that one didn't count, did it?

ED: Just relax, Chace. If I might paraphrase the Gospel According To The Pussycat Dolls, loosen up your buttons, baby.

PENN: Whereas I will only loosen your buttons when you and I feel emotionally ready to take that step together.

ED: You bitches are so boring. I'm going to go home and cut holes in my pants.

Posted by Heather at 10:28 AM | Permalink

 

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