February 14, 2008
Grammy Awards Fug Carpet: Bai Ling
Apparently, our favorite demi-nudist Bai Ling was arrested for shoplifting -- and not, in fact, skirtlifting, which is how I first read the news, and which prompted me to sigh, "Oh, come on, people, that's just WHAT SHE DOES. LET HER LIVE, DAMMIT!"
Let's enjoy her in happier times.
This is our girl as nature intended: smiling, finding creative ways to circumvent a top that appears designed not to show any boob, and overall looking like she leapt out of the pages of a Dr. Seuss book. We wouldn't be at all shocked if her first call from inside the pokey went to her ex-boyfriend The Lorax. And, yes, those ARE Band-Aids with writing on them that she is using as shin jewelry -- one is in Chinese and the other says "Happy" and... something that look like "New York," maybe, and... Well, see for yourself:
AHA. Happy Chinese New Year! Thank you to a reader with better eyes than mine.
Poor Bai. This girl cannot live a life behind bars. Or, perhaps more relevant to this situation, she can't live a life where she's expected to show up in court to defend herself in sensible clothing. That's not our girl. We should probably offer ourselves up as character witnesses if there's a trial, though. What the police aren't considering is that maybe Personality #3 picked up the magazines and batteries Bai allegedly filched, and then right as she was getting in line to pay, Personality #13 burst to the fore and thought, "God, I need a lemon poppyseed muffin and a latte, 'ERE I DIE," and marched the host body straight out of the newsagent and toward Starbucks. So have mercy, cop-types. Unless you want to see what she MacGyvers the prison jumpsuits into -- just like a thneed, they could be gloves! A hat! A bra! But frankly, we are hoping this all gets resolved and Bai flies away straight back to her wardrove to start preparing the next majestic piece of lunacy.