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February 25, 2008

Oscar Fug Carpet: Heigl vs Hathaway

In a year when a lot of people showed up in red, I half-expected Katherine Heigl to whip out a shiv and shank the hell out of Anne Hathaway for arriving earlier in a jazzier, more romantic version of her tomato gown. Not that it's Hathaway's fault; I just feel like if a girl is so annoying as to complain about her husband and married life every time you shove a microphone into her face, then she's the type of pill who will sneak up behind Anne at the post-party and husk, "You know what the devil wears? HOSPITAL SCRUBS, bitch. Sleep with one eye open."

So let's compare the dresses. First up: Katherine Heigl, because maybe by putting her first she won't leave a flaming bag of manure on our doorsteps.

It's nice. And it fits snugly. Her makeup is a splotchy hot mess and I'm a little tired of her trying to morph herself into Marilyn Monroe -- which, speaking of pilfering, I wonder how Christina Aguilera feels about her aesthetic being snatched out from under her nose while she was doing her laamaze breathing. But otherwise, there's nothing really overtly wrong with it.

However, although the dresses aren't identical and certainly there's room for both of them in this world, we're guessing Katherine Heigl took one look at Anne Hathaway and immediately ran for the bar:

An asymmetrical neckline with a peekaboo opening in the shoulder, a rich hue, red lipstick.... check, check, check, but better, and all the while proving it doesn't have to be tight to be flattering. Anne hasn't befriended the Marchesa girls for nothing. They're very good at what they do -- specifically, making girly, flowy dresses for deployment on the red carpet, the better to get more stars to come crawling to them for girly, flowy dresses to deploy on the red carpet -- and they can take a floral detail like that and give it just enough glamour that it's not as "I Just Got Lei'd In Maui" as it could've been.

But the crowning achievement of the above dress just might be that it's NOT this dress. Anne had nowhere to go but up, and fortunately, she went straight to the penthouse -- or at least to one of those floors right underneath it that still has decent views but lacks an in-house bowling alley. Which is too bad, because I'd love to see the equally pompous Heigl and Hathaway duke it out on the lanes, Big Lebowski-style, for the right to a spot on Us Weekly's best-dressed list. One of them would end up with a pin in the kisser for sure.

Posted by Heather at 01:38 PM in Oscars | Permalink


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