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February 25, 2008

Oscars Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz

Last year I wrote that Cameron Diaz's white Oscar gown "inspired me to plug in my iron." Which I remember not because I am so amused at myself, but rather because her gown this year felt like an equally dusty "before" shot from an ad extolling the glories of spray starch.

Last year it felt like a linen napkin; this year, it's a bedsheet, and -- it must be said -- possibly a very low thread-count bedsheet she bought from Target because her old linens smelled like Justin and so she had to burn them.

It doesn't get much better from the back:

That is so messy and unflattering. Not to mention that I think she did her hair while in the act of surfing. You know, Cammy is reportedly shacking up with John Mayer again occasionally, and this nightmare feels quite like the kind of up-yours subversion he'd want to engage in if he were invited. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn he draped this for her as a joke, using nothing but a staple gun and a mickey of rum, which would account for that strange patch that's practically begging everyone to stare right at the business end of her derriere. The easy explanation could be that the dress ripped and had to be patched, but it certainly looks more like a functional window, which she can retract at will to enable quick trips to the bathroom between awards. I guess we'll never know unless we hear her wailing from inside the stall, "DAMMIT, the LEVER is broken. Does anyone have a sweatshirt I can tie around my waist? Anyone? Come on, Ellen Page HAS to have a hoodie in the car."

Posted by Heather at 09:24 AM in Oscars | Permalink


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