Go Fug Yourself: The Fug Awards Old Fugs Got questions? Contact us About us Press Clippings Advertise with us Fug Merchandise

« January 2008 | Main | March 2008 »

February 25, 2008

Oscar Fug Carpet Fug or Fab: Ellen Page

Oh, ELLEN:

I know, I know. You love the Converse. You live in an old converted whorehouse. You're a smart kid and a bit of a tomboy. I like you. You seem smart. I think you're adorable. If I lived next door to you, we'd be hanging out, shooting the shit all the time. And if that were the case, today I would go shuffling over some time after noon with Tito's Tacos (for the hangover) and the papers, and we'd eat six or seven bags of chips and then I'd say, "Ellen, WTF?" And you'd roll your eyes, and then I'd say, "WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME?" and you'd say, "because you would have told me not to wear it." And I'd said, "And?" And you would say, "and you would have been right."

Posted by Jessica at 01:01 PM in Oscars | Permalink

Oscar Fug Carpet Fug or Fab: Marion Cotillard

On one hand, it looks like what might happen if fish scales and lace mated. On the other, it's French and so is she, and she's so pretty and she was so, so lovely and adorable when she won, and you know what? I think I might sort of....like it.

I mean, for one thing, it's certainly very flattering on her. She looks like a sexy fish-lady on her wedding day, which I know SOUNDS weird and rude, but I mean it in totally the most complimentary way. You feel me, right? Tell me you feel me:

Posted by Jessica at 12:05 PM in Fug or Fab, Oscars | Permalink

Oscar Fug Carpet: Well Played, Jennifer Hudson

"This performance goes out to my grand old frenemy, Andre Leon Talley. It's all for you, A.L.T..."

"And I am TEEEEELLLLING YOOOU,

IIIIIIII AM NOT CALLLLLING.

You're the WORST STYLIST that I'll ever know.

What the HELL was that gold bolero?!?!?

No, no, no, NOOOOO way,

NOOOOO way

IIIIIII'M letting you clothe MEEEEE.

I don't want to look CRAZY.

I'm free, I'm free!

And you, and you, and YOU,

You're gonna RUE MEEEEEEEEEEEE."

Posted by Heather at 11:50 AM in Oscars | Permalink

Oscar Fug Carpet: Colin Farrell

Listen, it's hard enough to get up and get into that suit. Clean hair is JUST TOO MUCH TO ASK.

Posted by Jessica at 11:15 AM in Oscars | Permalink

Oscar Fug Carpet: Renee Zellweger

Oh, look, it's Renee Zzzzzzz......

Sorry, I nodded off there for a second. Not that there's anything empirically wrong with this; it's a pretty cut, a dazzling fabric, and a lovely cool metallic hue. But doesn't it feel like we've seen this a thousand times before on her? Okay, maybe not with that exact haircut -- which Renee has GOT to grow out before someone comes up to her and asks what it was like to be one of the Von Trapp sons -- but the rest is so cookie-cutter Zellweger. It has such a strong aura of been-there-done-that even Carolina Herrera herself probably had to take a No Doz to finish the assignment. Try some sleeves for once, Renee. Or a wig. Poke your legs through a stuffed Simba. Hell, at this point Renee could wear Bjork herself, and I'd applaud her for being refreshing.

Posted by Heather at 10:23 AM in Oscars | Permalink

Oscars Post-Party Fug: Sharon Stone

"HELLO FRIENDS. I am SHARON STONE. And I am FABULOUS. BEHOLD my white suit, a tribute -- nay, a glorious homage -- to my peep John Travolta. Admit it. I look kind of rad in this. You know I do. For I can do anything: I had a brain thingie that exploded in my head...and LIVED. I had a husband who got bit by a dragon...AND THEN I LEFT HIM. I was the FIRST actress to show people my vagina -- THE FIRST! Well, sort of. Okay, that's a total lie. But for the purposes of my current argument: THE FIRST! I AM LEGEND. And yes, I look like a tapping-dancing maitre d' in this. I KNOW THAT. But I'm an AWESOME tap-dancing maitre d'. AND YOU LOVE IT. You'd look like a refugee from a college production of one of those Busby Berkeley musicals where people twirl around in concentric circles holding giant coins. But I look GLORIOUS. BEHOLD ME!

PS: I AM WEARING A RABBIT'S FOOT, IT'S TRUE. Watch out, I'll use as a swizzle stick in your cocktail if you displease me, HUMAN"

Posted by Jessica at 10:13 AM in Oscars, Sharon Stone | Permalink

Oscars Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz

Last year I wrote that Cameron Diaz's white Oscar gown "inspired me to plug in my iron." Which I remember not because I am so amused at myself, but rather because her gown this year felt like an equally dusty "before" shot from an ad extolling the glories of spray starch.

Last year it felt like a linen napkin; this year, it's a bedsheet, and -- it must be said -- possibly a very low thread-count bedsheet she bought from Target because her old linens smelled like Justin and so she had to burn them.

It doesn't get much better from the back:

That is so messy and unflattering. Not to mention that I think she did her hair while in the act of surfing. You know, Cammy is reportedly shacking up with John Mayer again occasionally, and this nightmare feels quite like the kind of up-yours subversion he'd want to engage in if he were invited. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn he draped this for her as a joke, using nothing but a staple gun and a mickey of rum, which would account for that strange patch that's practically begging everyone to stare right at the business end of her derriere. The easy explanation could be that the dress ripped and had to be patched, but it certainly looks more like a functional window, which she can retract at will to enable quick trips to the bathroom between awards. I guess we'll never know unless we hear her wailing from inside the stall, "DAMMIT, the LEVER is broken. Does anyone have a sweatshirt I can tie around my waist? Anyone? Come on, Ellen Page HAS to have a hoodie in the car."

Posted by Heather at 09:24 AM in Oscars | Permalink

Oscar Fug Carpet: Tilda Swinton

Okay, full disclosure: when Tilda here won, both Heather and I clapped with glee. Sure, she dresses like a nutjob some of the time, but she seems really coooool, and, like, authentic somehow. You know, she's got that crazy living situation where she and her ex and her current boy toy all live together and she never wears make-up, but it doesn't seem like an affectation and she and Intern George love each other, and if she's good enough for Intern George, she's okay by me. Plus, there's something to be said for someone who's a reliably crazy dresser: I might hate what she's wearing, but at least it's interesting.

See:

I mean...let's just say that Jessica Simpson wore this somewhere. If I'm being honest, I would so let her have it. There would be so many garbage bag jokes, Hefty would cut us a check. And she does look totally uneven, like she caught one of her arms in the limo door on the way over and had to leave it behind as a casualty of war. Or like one half of her body is going to the nunnery to take the veil (after her true love dies in the war, of course, and she will spend all her time in the convent looking radiantly beautiful as a heartbroken-yet-brave bride of Christ, and it will be SO heart-wrenching when it turns out her lover is ALIVE, and yes, I watched a lot of movies about nuns as a child, so what?), and the other half looks like she's going to the nunnery to take the veil, but it was really hot that day. So, yeah, she is not at all wearing what I would wear to the Oscars (two words: turbans!), but it's....Tilda Swinton. This is totally what she wears, like, grocery shopping. I can't totally ding it for her.

Posted by Jessica at 08:54 AM in Oscars | Permalink

February 22, 2008

Thank Fugging God, It's The Oscars

To celebrate the fact that the Night of a Thousand Stars is coming to us as originally scheduled, we'll be live-blogging the red-carpet shenanigans for New York's Web site, starting when the festivities do at 6 p.m. Eastern time and continuing right up until they shove the last desperate, gowned celebrity inside for the ceremony.

If you want to read along with us, this link will -- at the appointed time -- take you to us, and of course on Monday we'll have our usual coverage right here on GFY. We are so excited we might plow through TWO wheels of Brie.

And at least one of these.

Chris Gorham not included. Tragically.

Posted by Heather at 03:05 PM in NYFug.com | Permalink

Fug or Fab: Katie Holmes

Actually, I'm fairly sure I know how I feel about this.

Love the pattern, but unless Katie is planning to carry Suri in that thing until her high-school graduation, wearing a dress with a gargantuan built-in baby sling is a tad over the top. Perhaps that's where she keeps Tom when he gets cranky and needs a nap.

But, what the hell. It's Friday! The Oscars are upon us! I just had an awesome peanut-butter, banana, honey, and nutmeg sandwich! Everything's coming up roses. So I'll put Katie's hellacious houndstooth hammock to a Fug or Fab vote, because there's nothing like a little democracy to start your weekend right.

Posted by Heather at 02:20 PM in Fug or Fab | Permalink

 

eXTReMe Tracker