Fug Madness 2008: Cher, Round Two

Just a reminder as we head into Fug Madness Round Two: Feel free to judge the contestants on whatever criteria you deem best -- but remember, don't vote based solely on the photos we choose with each entry. They're merely there to serve as examples of a larger body of fug. Now, please, commence warming up your voting finger...

(9) PAULA ABDUL vs. (16) COURTNEY PELDON

I am starting to wonder if Paula Adbul is a long-lost Peldon. Think about it: They're both crazy-bad dressers, they are both people we imagine Simon Cowell would rather eat beetle-crusted knives than speak to on a daily basis, and neither appears to be terribly talented at anything other than standing up for a few minutes at a time and smiling while waiting for the flashbulbs to stop.

Yes, Paula has those hit songs of yore, but if we're being honest, they weren't really good because of HER specifically -- J.Lo could've released "Straight Up" and it would've sounded almost the same. Really, P.Ab is just lucky she found someone to pay her at this late and loony stage in her career. If someone would stick Courtney Peldon in a video with an animated cat for three minutes, she'd be equally qualified to be a talent judge -- say, on Randy Jackson's Sweet-Ass Dance Crew That Is Stepping Up And Serving You, or whatever it's called. I think we'd soon see her emerge as a real Paula Jr. Then they could maybe play mother and daughter in some amazing TV movie about how vodka and curling irons don't mix.

There's even common ground in their dress sense:

Both of these look like rejected Disney Princess outfits that were last spotted on a crumpled piece of paper in somebody's office trash can. If they'd been at the same event, we could easily imagine Paula and Peldon bumping into each other in the bathroom line, checking each other's teeth for spinach, and then merrily deciding to trade outfits on a lark. Probably, no one would even bat an eye. They're both bonkers. In addition to the case made for (against?) Paula in her first-round matchup, she has betrayed herself with pants, played peek-a-boob, and smooshed her cleavage into oblivion.

As for Courtney... well, it's well-documented that she's once, twice, three times a fugger. What to do? WHAT TO DO? And are we SURE they're not related somehow?

(4) RIHANNA vs. (5) FERGIE

After a long while of simply not getting her at all, Fergie has finally grown on us. There's a lot to be said for how she copped to urinating all over herself on-stage -- like, "Yes, I did it, I couldn't think of a better idea at the time, and let's all just laugh and move on," which is refreshingly candid; however, every other soul on this planet who is potty trained (and possibly some who aren't) could most likely have come up with an alternate course of action. Pants-wetting is never the answer.

However, I'm not going to lie to you: Sometimes, it hurts a little to know that Josh Duhamel is legally cleaving himself to a woman who wore these bangs.

The skintight jeans, rubber shirt, and terrible sock-sandals are no afternoon on Lake Como either. Fergie is an odd lady -- sometimes she looks refined, and others, she alternates between letting it all hang out (seriously, a whole lot of it), and cramming herself into horrible high-waisted, suspendered jeans and passe overalls.

Her opponent here, Rihanna, is no stranger to either hair experimentation or ill-advised pants.

Those things add ten pounds, easily, to her tiny frame. The top looks like either the bodice to a potentially cute cocktail dress, or the kind of modest swimsuit our relatives in The Olden Days might refer to as a "bathing costume." And the hat... well, it's tough. Some people are into hats for fashion; others, like me, do not care for them at all, which is why I can't help wanting to rip the skull-sweater off her head and remind her that unless the studio is zero degrees, she doesn't need to keep warm that badly.

But it's undeniable that Rihanna has an innate cool that almost pulls off things we would otherwise hate (and maybe still do anyway). Her awe-inspiring gallery of Grammy-week outfits is both proof of that and confirmation that not every risk she takes is flattering or attractive. Ditto this little number. And let's not forget this classic piece of fuggery that involved our primary enemy: leggings.

all polls by twiigs.com