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March 25, 2008
Fug Madness 2008: Bjork, Round Two, Continued
(1) MISCHA BARTON vs. (9) KEVIN FEDERLINE
Call us crazy, but it almost seems like the two of these could potentially start dating. Can't you just see it? 2008 K-Fed feels like exactly the kind of quasi-rocker that Misha would go for. Though whether or not he'd be into Princess Floaty Tunic here is hard to say:
Oh, Mischa. That would be so cute for your high school drama club's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, but in the outside world, it just seems likely to get caught in your car door and cut off the circulation to your neck, kind of like what this seems to have done to your ribs. On the other hand, at least you're not wearing THIS anymore. Or dating him, btw. In fact, one could argue this fine man is a total upgrade from Old Firecrotch-Hater Davis (who, we must remind you, sat next to one of us at the movies once and smelled so bad we had to breathe through our mouth. Also, he kept lifting up his hoodie to grab and inspect his belly fat. Also, he consumed: a bag of popcorn, a bag of chips, a bag of Skittles, a carton of Dibs, a Coke, a Slurpee and a lemonade. We just need to continue to tell people that story, that's all):
We once deeply hated K-Fed. But while he certainly has problems -- like pulling this sort of thing or insisting going out in very poorly fitting pants while poor Britney just wanted to look cute -- at least he brought us all the delight of Popozao, right? RIGHT?
(12) SPEIDI vs. (13) EVA GREEN
Judging from the comments on the last round, there are many, many people who Blame Spencer for any number of things, to the point where we might be making a shirt declaring such a thing. Can we blame him for Heidi's new lips and new faker hair, as seen here?
Also, have you ever seen two such fake laughs in your life? Maybe at this classy Taco Bell-related charity event, at which gaiety was totally appropriate. And yet I can't stop watching The Hills and as much as I want Spencer to have his COMEUPPANCE, I am pretty sure the show would be much more boring without him and his machinations.
However, maybe if he has to leave the show so that Heidi can become "a feminist hero" (the New York Times said so; it must be true) Eva Green can sweep in and start bossing Lauren around:
You know she and her Zombie Eye-Makeup of Doom could kick some satisfying ass (speaking of heroes). Also, maybe she could finally teach LC a thing or two about high fashion. CRAZY high fashion.
Posted by H & J at 10:00 AM in Fug Madness | Permalink
Comments
Eh, at least Eva's creative?
Posted by: Z | Mar 25, 2008 10:03:32 AM
I kinda sorta loathe "Speidi" so, so very much. They can't dress, and everything about them is fake, from their relationship to their "candid" shots. So yes. Bad fashion, Heidi.
K-Fed...He usuaully wears suits or "urban"-ish outfits. He just looks like he shops from the clearance racks of TJ Maxx or Burlington Coat Factory. Which isn't BAD (I shop there myself, but I buy the nice shirts and jeans that FIT me, not the XXXXL to my Medium, etc...), but he could do better. Mischa Barton won my vote though. She's...a mess. She's very pretty, but she can't dress herself. She just grabs whatever through a drunken hungover haze, and runs out the door, I do believe. Perhaps she shops the same way?
Posted by: Grant | Mar 25, 2008 10:06:06 AM
i'm not too hot on this round; mischa is the saving grace of fug here, so she definitely gets the vote.
now k-fed v. speidi would've been a great match up. maybe next year :)
Posted by: km | Mar 25, 2008 10:10:22 AM
go team eva green. speidi is so PREDICTABLE in its fugly. there's no surprise or art to it. eva green is interesting and fugly. she's avant garde fug. i want to reward her for her talent. speidi is fug in a way that every deluded ugg wearing teen in orange county is fug. it's not special enough.
Posted by: sophia | Mar 25, 2008 10:10:28 AM
You can't take the Fug just because of some fake boobs, fake lips, fake hair, fake teeth...you get the point but still. She is as normal as every other dumb blonde on Laguna Beach or Beverly Hills or wherever she is from.
Posted by: Mel | Mar 25, 2008 10:10:40 AM
Eva is a gothic goddess and certainly rocks the lace and eye makeup better than HBC! Tori 2.0 is not even in the same competition, let alone league.
This is the woman who brought sexy back, a genuine artist and the only woman in Hollywood who looks amazing without looking over styled/plastic!
Posted by: Meow! | Mar 25, 2008 10:11:11 AM
Barton over Federline: I had to FLIP A COIN for this one. How can you expect us to choose? How? I'm going to be a dithering mess all day. Perhaps, if K-Fed loses, you could bring him into the announcers' booth with Intern George to do play-by-play. A consolation prize, as it were.
Green over Speidi: I have no idea who "Speidi" are. I do know who Eva Green is, and all I can say is that rarely has so little been done with so much. She's stunning. She has no excuse.
Posted by: Kate | Mar 25, 2008 10:12:20 AM
God, those two. I get so irritated with their wholesale tackiness that I kinda hope Paris Hilton's plane will crash right into them.
Posted by: KHS | Mar 25, 2008 10:12:56 AM
I meant to say "brought sexy back to brunettes".
I knew I should have previewed before posting, lol.
Posted by: Meow! | Mar 25, 2008 10:13:14 AM
I keep hoping that Speidi is just a figment of my imagination, an acid trip induced by watching too many "Hill Recaps". But I do agree on the need for their evil/douchebagness in the show. NOW.. there is no need to change yourself into Silicone Barbie.. and I am sorry, I cannot hold Spencer responsible.. if one where truly that "femenist hero" well one could learn to accept their body "as is". At least Eva's fugness is not driven by insecurity or a need to fit in. She just plain crazy and loving it... Good for you Crazy Eye Makeup Eva.. there is your real femenist hero.
Posted by: Cherry | Mar 25, 2008 10:14:35 AM
At least Eva is French so she can try pulling the whole "it's chic and you just don't know it b/c you're not French" bit...remind me again why Speidi are famous? I mean aside from always looking like a hot mess....they really have the Desperate Hollywood look DOWN!
And as for Mischa....Mischa, Mischa, Mischa...you're up against a guy who really DOES think he's a rap artist and is living the 'thug life.' We EXPECT him to look like an ass clown. You on the other hand....well, you just look like:
a). you're trying to hard to be a hot young Hollywood starlet, or
b). you allow your stylist to drink heavily before dressing you.
Either way, you have no excuse.
Posted by: Laura | Mar 25, 2008 10:14:57 AM
Sometimes it looks a little out there, but at least Mischa has a sense of uniqueness and individuality. K-Fed is just a Vanilla Ice 2.0 mess. The fug is with him, hands down.
Posted by: Zeus | Mar 25, 2008 10:15:22 AM
I'm having a hard time with K-Fed and Mischa. I think she's probably got more the spirit of Fug, but socks and flip flops! It cannot be repeated enough. And, speaking of belly fat, have you seen K Fed lately? http://www.usmagazine.com/from_hunk_to_chunk_030508?slideshow_id=594&o=11. (Side note: "from hunk to chunk?" WHEN was he a hunk?)
Speidi get the vote for me, because Heidi's Joan Rivers meets Tammy Faye Baker look is the definition of fug. Last night on the hills, she was definitely wearing the same shade of Wet 'n Wild lip gloss I wore in 6th grade.
Posted by: Kristin | Mar 25, 2008 10:17:16 AM
I voted for Speidi, but mainly because I like Eva Green's brand of crazy. Sometimes it comes off stunningly and othertimes she misses, but she takes the leap and actually wears in public what some of these designers create for the runway. I can't fault her for that.
Posted by: nichole | Mar 25, 2008 10:17:50 AM
Oh, I detest everything about Spencer and Heidi, so I vote for them as the fugliest of the fug. They are a new category of fug, because as individuals they are merely fugly but together, they become something much bigger than fug. Their whole relationship and everything they do, say, is fug to the max. Down with speidi!
Posted by: Beth | Mar 25, 2008 10:18:40 AM
Speidi does not deserve anymore of our attention. We can make them go away by ignoring them - vote for Eva!
Posted by: jenn | Mar 25, 2008 10:18:54 AM
such a pity about heidi, my friend was obsessed with the hills and at least i could take comfort in the fact that the main troll's best friend was really pretty, thats an excuse for a show, right? but she had to muck it all up, and unneeded bad plastic surgery is certainly a major fug up
Posted by: laurella | Mar 25, 2008 10:22:05 AM
K-Fed, bless his functionally illiterate little heart, has proven to be the responsible, sane parent in the maelstrom of crazy that was his marriage to Britney. I can't fug him now, I just want him to hold it together long enough to raise those boys with some semblence of sanity such that I don't have to read that Sean Preston was caught in a hotel room with a trannie and an 8-ball at the age of 11.
Besides, Mischa Barton dresses like a bag lady. Easy choice.
Posted by: Catherine | Mar 25, 2008 10:22:58 AM
These were both very close calls, especially because I have to make them in the short amount of time that my boss can't see my computer. (She sits behind me, and although she's very cool, I think that se wants me to get SOME work done.) Anyway, I had to fug Mischa, because she's photographed being fugged out more often than K-fed. It's not that the Fuggerline hasn't offended, it's just that his fug isn't as well-chronicled as Mischa's. Same goes for Speidi v. Eva. Speidi wins due to more exposure. (See what I did there? With exposure? Because Heidi's always showing off her enhanced bustline? See?)
Posted by: pia | Mar 25, 2008 10:23:14 AM
Mischa is so lost in her outfits, usually she looks like she's trying to disappear (that stoop, that embarassed look in her face,...) No style, just stylist. She takes the win over KFed. Speidi are so blah I just stopped caring.
Posted by: catherine | Mar 25, 2008 10:23:26 AM
Wow, I never really understood what "The Hills" was until I read that NYT article you linked to. How sad are these people that they've made a spin off of a spin off of a spin off of every other generic reality show of their lives? You both, oh lovely Heather & Jessica, had me thinking they were actors or something mildly worthy of my attention. But they are just wannabes or fame whores, or media whores. Lauren gets a few points because in wanting to be a clothing designer, this show could actually mover her career forward. But why she chose The Hills over something like the divine Project Runway is beyond me. Or did the fantastic Klum and Gunn team reject her sorry ass designs (evidenced by her recent line - link on this site somewhere)?
Having been an event planner myself, I have even less than the no respect I had for Heidi before, albeit mathematically impossible. So, out of total disrespect, I voted for them over KFed. At least he's supposed to be on the entertainment pages, vs. Ms. Wannabe and her lame boyfriend.
Posted by: Cara | Mar 25, 2008 10:23:34 AM
oops, make that Speidi over Eva Green - she's a tad off, but at least she's an actress and has flair.
Posted by: Cara | Mar 25, 2008 10:24:33 AM
Mischa vs. KFed was the toughest so far. I'm exhausted.
Posted by: Susanelle | Mar 25, 2008 10:25:29 AM
Speidi is fugly on the INSIDE. The worst fug of all.
Posted by: Lorraine Bates | Mar 25, 2008 10:25:51 AM
F...EMINIST HERO?!
I typed that appx six minutes ago, after which I proceeded to sit here, agog. HEIDI? WTF, Ginia? Seriously? ...oh, you went to Barnard? No wonder that's your idea of a feminist. Dumbass!
I seriously hope that's irony. If not, I blame Spencer.
Also, Heidi wayyyyy outfugs Eva Green. Eva is ridiculously good-looking, even when she tries to scare us with crazy eyes. When she's fug, she does it with class and style. Which are also my ironic nicknames for Douche and Feminist Hero up there.
Posted by: Katie | Mar 25, 2008 10:28:59 AM
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