(3) KEIRA KNIGHTLEY vs. (11) JULIETTE LEWIS
You guys, Juliette is REALLY EXCITED to have made it this far.
Give her an H (for the hideous headband)! Give her a B (for the blue bag she's wearing)! Give her a T (for thinking to wear tights with that). What does that spell? HBT! Which, when you try and pronounce it, sounds as fugly as her outfit. But I don't know why she always has to look so cranky. The clothes didn't force themselves on her. She might want to start considering that as an excuse, though -- it's about all that justifies some of her rocker costumes.
Actually, she'd probably love borrowing this little number from Keira for one of her performances:
That is a mess, right there. It's like she went to a wedding shower where they made toilet-paper wedding gowns, then bolted in a huff when they ran out of Angel Soft. Or maybe someone told her she'd be standing behind a very tall hedge at this party, so she only bothered with one-fifth of an outfit. Indeed, she seems rather fixated on using small portions of fabric, like she's some kind of cloth conservationist, although to be honest she doesn't always do very well with loads of layers either, nor with lots of fussy bits and pieces.
Basically, the crime here is that she's Keira f'ing Knightley, and she should be able to do SO MUCH BETTER, if she would just even ACT like she gives a rat's ass. But can her brand of big fame yet questionable taste stave off the challenge of Juliette's lesser-known face but potent fugosity?
(2) SHARON STONE vs. (7) SCARLETT JOHANSSON
Have you ever wondered what Sharon Stone would look like if she put herself in a Golden Girls spinoff as Blanche Deveraux's cousin in Savannah? Well, wonder no more, friends.
I'm not sure what's going on with her hair, but I am fairly certain it was dropped onto her head from a great height. Why she's in her geriatric finest, I can't say, but it's possible just needed a break from looking like she'd recently been disemboweled, and the many portions of her wardrobe filed under "petting zoo" were all either at the dry cleaner or the vet.
Sharon is up against someone who I greatly hope will grow up into an insane diva much like La Stone herself. Why? Well, I fear the Art of Divadom is a dying one -- it's not just about asking for gardenias in your toilet bowl, or to have your name spelled out in green M&Ms on the floor of every dressing room you inhabit; rather, you have to be a rare cocktail of screamingly grandiose, perfectly glamorous, admirably philanthropic, and hopelessly prone to spouting lots and lots and LOTS of crazy talk.
ScarJo is certainly on her way. She's got the terrible grandiosity thing nailed down, at least.
And, it was SHEER crazy talk when she first turned to her assistant and said, "Dude, this looks awesome!" As much as I cherish those shoes, I cannot endorse any kind of outfit that taints them by practically screaming, "Oh yeah? Well look who they've got their Hanes on NOW!" I mean, formal shorts and a tank top underneath a halter that Wet Seal would put on clearance for under $5? No, Scarlett. NO. Step away.
But is it enough to dethrone Ms. Stone?