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March 27, 2008

Fug Madness 2008: Bjork, Sweet 16

(3) PARIS HILTON vs. (15) BRITTANY MURPHY

Well, I'm about out of material. We weren't expecting that Brittany Murphy -- one of the last people to crawl into the brackets, to be honest -- would make it this far. In fact, we weren't even picking her to win that Round One clash against Gwen Stefani, who is not tremendously far off from Chloe Sevigny in terms of having her personal style drilled into us as Very Advanced, and in fact Unimpeachable, even when it looks pretty damn impeachable and unpeachy to the naked eye. Gwen versus Paris would've been pretty sweet. As it is, B.Murph and her Lips Of Bad Judgment sit in this slot, and the well of fun fuggery is running dry. This is the best I can do:

Yeah, it's sort of weird -- bad hair extensions, and shoes that prompted Jessica to think, from a very large distance, that Brittany was roller-skating into a fashion show -- and whatever she did to her face is still a problem. But other than this and the other outfits we've showcased, we're out of ideas here. Which isn't to say she can't mount a charge; just that the poor kid apparently should've reconsidered going anywhere at ALL in the month of February, because so far those outings have been keeping her afloat here in the Pacifug Ocean and we're sure she'd rather go moor the S.S. Restylane somewhere else.

For her part, Paris's stank wardrobe has already dispatched with two of her friends and/or favorite props -- Elisha Cuthbert, then Kimberly Stewart -- and I am now wondering why she and Brittany here don't hang out more often. She and Benji could double-date with Brittany and her maybe-former-check-kiting-husband Simon Monjack (which totally sounds like something you would order on top of a hamburger, as if he was trying to come up with an alias in the dairy aisle of the supermarket and a packet of Monterey Jack caught his eye), and talk about all their favorite weaves and mascaras and pieces of bling.

Like this one:


[Photo: Splash News]

Yep, that is the infamous "BM" ring peeking up from her Michael Jackson gloves, and yeah, Benji Madden's parents totally should've thought of how awkward that sounds before they named their kid, and sure, Paris probably needed to consider that angle before she shoved that ring on her finger. But, actually, we're fairly confident Paris has never been too fussed about where she sticks that finger or what gets stuck on it. And we'll grant that it's preferable to a tattoo, which she would almost certainly regret next week and have to change from, say, "PARIS LOVES BENJI MADDEN," to the grammatically astonishing, "PARIS LOVES BE MAD," and nobody wants that. It's just so ridiculous, though -- costumey, attention-seeking, cheap-looking, and lame. Kind of like Paris herself.

And so: Surf Paris's archive, check out old Fug Madness posts on Brittany Murphy, and decide which one you think is the greater crime against humanity -- or at least, against our eyes.

Posted by H & J at 10:00 AM in Fug Madness | Permalink

Comments

based on these pictures alone, i had to go with murph. but if we're judging on pure fugliness of the SOUL, then hilton has it.

Posted by: jessm | Mar 27, 2008 10:02:26 AM

Is this even a contest? I can't believe Brittany Murphy has as many votes as she does...over Paris Freaking HILTON, are you kidding me, people?

Posted by: Amy | Mar 27, 2008 10:03:40 AM

if the queen herself - posh - can't pull off a leather driving glove, what on earth makes paris think she can pull off what i can only assume is a cotton, bedazzled version?

Posted by: rachel | Mar 27, 2008 10:04:44 AM

I know, it's easy to pick Paris. But I think she has actually looked quite classy in the past sometimes, as in Brittany... I don't like what she's wearing *all of the time*. So...

Posted by: Remy Overkempe | Mar 27, 2008 10:04:46 AM

I hate to give Pissus (typo, but I'm keeping it) any more attention but Brittany is a relatively weak contender so . . . [sigh] I had to go with the P.

Posted by: sharkkiss | Mar 27, 2008 10:05:05 AM

I think soul gets major points. And the archive. Paris has my vote.

Posted by: Liz | Mar 27, 2008 10:05:23 AM

You got it right the first time- Paris' complete being is the greater crime agst humanity- fug appearance, fug personality.

Posted by: Sally | Mar 27, 2008 10:06:12 AM

Had to go with Paris. Paris, who looked like a peacock in a dress.

Posted by: Drie | Mar 27, 2008 10:08:31 AM

I voted for Brittany. When I look at her my face does this.

Paris - is ugly of soul, indeed.

Posted by: lipstickface | Mar 27, 2008 10:08:45 AM

I think, based solely on the panties/no panties escapades, Paris deserves to win this round.

Posted by: ruby02138 | Mar 27, 2008 10:09:31 AM

I don't get it. Have Brittany-bashers flocked here or something? I'm not a fan of hers, but it's my firm belief that both her past opponents have far out-fugged her.

Posted by: Sophie | Mar 27, 2008 10:12:34 AM

Any person you feel like you could get something from just by standing within six feet of just HAS to be fugged. P-stank gets the vote.

Posted by: David | Mar 27, 2008 10:15:35 AM

Paris, hands down. How can you argue with someone who repeatedly parades around with her face on her shirt?

Posted by: Fugger4Life | Mar 27, 2008 10:18:52 AM

Paris wins this hands-down, not only for the fugliness of the soul (which she owns) but also because she has (or had) zillions of dollars to spend on fashion and STILL looks like she's always wearing super-sized Barbie clothes. Brittany Murphy may be richer than I am, but no way was she ever tapping into Hilton Hotels cash. So besides the PURE RAW EVIL that is Paris' soul, she takes a larger deduction for wasted resources.

Posted by: Amy | Mar 27, 2008 10:18:52 AM

Paris, hands down. How can you argue with someone who repeatedly parades around with her face on her shirt?

Posted by: Fugger4Life | Mar 27, 2008 10:19:38 AM

Paris it is!

Posted by: sarah | Mar 27, 2008 10:20:58 AM

Uh, doesn't Polterwang count for anything?

Posted by: lisa | Mar 27, 2008 10:21:38 AM

How do you know BM doesn't stand for Brittany Murphy (in tribute)? Anyway, in the clash between BM and the BM ring, the ring takes it every time. It's so funny I almost want one. Almost.

Posted by: Jen | Mar 27, 2008 10:21:41 AM

Wow, I can't believe Murphy has even 13% at this point. The fish lips are pretty freaky, but compared to Paris? Paris??

Posted by: Norm | Mar 27, 2008 10:22:05 AM

You're killing me.

Of course I have to vote for The High Priestess of BM. Of course I do. But... Cheese and rice, Brittany Murphy makes me ill. She must be stopped. No talent, fake lips, ridiculous attempts at "fashion" that demonstrate she is painfully unaware of the fact that she's VERY VERY SHORT.

What else? Oh yeah: her real first name is Sharon, and she beat out my poor little niece for the lead role in the high school play right before she landed Clueless, even though she couldn't sing, dance or act, so I reserve the right to hate her forever. (For reals! She couldn't carry Dorothy Gale then, and she couldn't carry it now. And man, was she ever the stumpy little pudgette, with Michael Imperioli eyebrows and a charming New Jersey accent. "Soooome-WHEEEAAHH, o-vah da rain-bow...")

To think my niece could have been the lucky one who was dumped by Ashton Kutcher for a 90-year-old "hottie" who is being held together with a melange of upholstery thread, injectable beef tallow and leeches! Life is so unfair.

Aw, hell, Paris has enough votes. I'm sticking it to Sharon.

Posted by: enthralled | Mar 27, 2008 10:22:49 AM

I'm so very Meh on this match up. Paris is just...Paris. If it were an attention whoring contest, I'd say she had it all sewn up. But fashionwise? Yawn.

I just want to see Sevigny, Stone, and The Peldon in a three-way smackdown at this point.

Posted by: Kimberly | Mar 27, 2008 10:24:14 AM

Oh my gosh, Enthralled, what a story. You have earned the right to vote for Sharon. :)

Posted by: Norm | Mar 27, 2008 10:24:41 AM

H and J - I am only realizing now the depth of your shock about the Gwen beat down from Brittany Murphy. Was actually thinking about it in the car on the way to work. (Am deeply invested in this Madness, clearly.) I can only offer up my rationale: most of Gwen's pics seemed to be when she was on stage and so I personally discounted the theatrics! Perhaps others did that same! BUT, I am in total agreement that we are supposed to be in awe of her unimpeachable style, which, day to day, I do hate. And now she is fugging all over poor Kingston, who although adorable, sounds like he was named after a dog.

Posted by: Madeline | Mar 27, 2008 10:24:51 AM

Murphy. Paris is so bad she doesn't deserve the title of Fug.

Posted by: Jolene | Mar 27, 2008 10:26:56 AM

Just the fact that she walks around with a ring that says "BM" is enough for me to award Paris with my vote.

Posted by: B | Mar 27, 2008 10:29:03 AM

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