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March 28, 2008

Fug Madness 2008: Bjork, Sweet 16, Continued

(1) MISCHA BARTON vs. (12) SPENCER & HEIDI

I never predicted that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag would make it this far, but then I figured out what must be happening: Spencer is paying his friends to vote, because he has never met a printed version of his name that he didn't think looked pretty, and Heidi's family are voting because they hate him  (seriously, they couldn't even really hide it on The Hills -- any time they were gazing silently in his direction, they looked like they wanted to shove Spencer's stupid phone up his nostril and then light it on fire).

So, just to get on Spencer's nerves, I'm not even going to use his picture. TAKE THAT, PRATT.

Instead let's just remind ourselves that Heidi paid a lot of money to turn into a bad mannequin version of her old, spunkier self. Her lips in that premiere episode were hypnotically puffy. Every time she pursed them together I kept expecting them to pierce and deflate. Heidi is also a pretty boring dresser -- it's all sleeveless low-cut dresses that hug her silicone melons. Yawn. We get it. Call Pamela Anderson to see if she's cleaning out her closet any time soon.

Mischa Barton is the opposite. When she's not feigning an interest in Keds, she's all about wearing clothes that droop around her frame and make it look like she's wilting under them:

Yep, the child loooooves a sack dress. This is so depressing. Dorothy Zbornak would wear that with slacks... because Dorothy Zbornak is OLD. Mischa Barton is young! Alive! Has no gut to suck in all night! I'm not saying Mischa has to wear clothes that are practically painted on, or anything, but there IS a rather large middle ground here between becoming Paris Hilton and looking like she's attending an ice-cream social at The Friendship Retirement Castle. Girlfriend, when you're 30, you're going to look at this picture and weep for how you wasted having that waistline.

Also, I've seen this photo a hundred times and never noticed how awful the shoes are until right now. The sweater sequins blinded me. But, wow, my grandmother has Isotoner slippers that are more flattering to her feet. Maybe THIS is what inspired the Keds people into action. They were all, "THIS SAD CHILD NEEDS OUR HELP," but they could only make over her shoe collection because they haven't figured out how to make a full dress out of canvas.

Posted by H & J at 10:00 AM in Fug Madness | Permalink

Comments

Mischa was the instigator of high-waisted pants, and thus must incur my wrath.

Posted by: Kristina | Mar 28, 2008 10:05:18 AM

I detest all of these people. Well, I detest Spencer and Heidi largely through what I've read on this site, since I've never actually seen them in anything on TV.

That being said, Barton wins by a large margin. She should look so much better than she does.

Posted by: drdan | Mar 28, 2008 10:05:35 AM

I voted Mischa. Though she will get thoroughly stomped by Paris Hilton in the next round. Someone has to be the sacrificial lamb and it might as well be Mischa.

Posted by: Indiana | Mar 28, 2008 10:05:37 AM

Speidi is finished - no more attention for those s**t heads please

Posted by: Jenn | Mar 28, 2008 10:06:11 AM

sorry speidi. mischa for the win.

Posted by: cate | Mar 28, 2008 10:07:05 AM

Please no contest. :)

Posted by: liz | Mar 28, 2008 10:07:12 AM

Speidi are just so fug in so many ways - as fake as their fugly show. Yet, they think that we are interested in them. NO, NO, and NO. FUG YOU!

Posted by: ElizaB | Mar 28, 2008 10:07:16 AM

Speidi is handicapped by their fugly smell of desperation. Mischa is fug without even trying...which probably explains her style choices, she's just not trying.

Posted by: Anita | Mar 28, 2008 10:07:48 AM

I love a good Orange County pairing. Every so often, I like Mischa's bohemian waif look - so the truer fugs are Heidi and Spencer for having no sense of originality whatsoever.

Posted by: Mike | Mar 28, 2008 10:11:47 AM

Speidi may be fugly inside, but enough is enough, 'tis true. Mischa gets my vote on the sole exhibit of the beret with the green bow!

Posted by: sarah | Mar 28, 2008 10:12:12 AM

Micsha you are such a pretty girl, why do you do this to yourself?

Posted by: katie | Mar 28, 2008 10:12:45 AM

Had to vote for Speidi pig. She was really cute before. So was Amanda Bynes. WHAT THE HELL IS SPENCER DOING TO THEM? Does he possess the black magic? Mischa looks cute in the Keds promo in spite of her lipstick, which makes it look like she's been sucking blood.

Posted by: Sarah | Mar 28, 2008 10:13:10 AM

Mischa wins this one-- it's a travesty to waste the potential she has to look gorgeous.

Posted by: Rachel | Mar 28, 2008 10:13:16 AM

Whilst I would far rather be trapped in a lift with Miss Barton (I think she'd dish gossip, but not in a bitchy way), then either of...those other people..., I have to vote for Mischa.

The headband thing alone deserves it, but then you factor in high waisted jeans and it's a non-contest.

Posted by: Jen C-B | Mar 28, 2008 10:13:24 AM

Had to vote for Speidi pig. She was really cute before. So was Amanda Bynes. WHAT THE HELL IS SPENCER DOING TO THEM? Does he possess the black magic? Mischa looks cute in the Keds promo in spite of her lipstick, which makes it look like she's been sucking blood.

Posted by: Sarah | Mar 28, 2008 10:14:13 AM

down with Speidi, Barton of the high-waisted redclown skirt from Hell FTW.

Posted by: mrs o | Mar 28, 2008 10:15:17 AM

I'm a die hard Mischa fan. Crazy? Possibly.

Heidi just makes awkward facial expressions...what is that!?

Posted by: Rachel Ann | Mar 28, 2008 10:15:40 AM

This was a hard one for me, so I asked myself 'whose wardrobe would I rather be stuck with?' In this case, I preferred Mischa's wardrobe, because I can't allow myself to dress like a 2 cent bimbo. Those two are shameless!

Posted by: Chris | Mar 28, 2008 10:15:58 AM

I would very much like to stop thinking of Speidi, so I refused to vote for them. But seriously, what is up with Heidi's face? I mean, nose job, lips, whatever, she looks awful, but her actual face shape? What is that? She looks like the moon in A Trip to the Moon.

Posted by: Courtney | Mar 28, 2008 10:16:46 AM

I secretly love Mischa and was DEVASTATED when Coop was killed off. I know….

But Speidi, as it has been said before, is fugly on the inside. And that’s tough to beat, no matter how high the rise on your cheap shorts is.

Posted by: Lori | Mar 28, 2008 10:16:47 AM

I'm not a fan of either contestant -- but I voted for Mischa because Miss Silicone doesn't deserve any more attention than she already craves.

Posted by: Debbi | Mar 28, 2008 10:17:03 AM

Dudes! Seriously? Mischa over that wannabe fish lip famout today forgotton tomorrow Speidi?? IMO, fake fug, is worse than a sack dress. I'd reather one cover up, than subject the masses to your over blimped 14 year old boobies. EW.

Posted by: Brick Shields | Mar 28, 2008 10:18:06 AM

How can someone with so little meat on their bones appear to have the worst saddle bags in Hollywood? The Queen of Skinny-Fat and proudly showing it off with the fugliest fashion choices she can possibly make totally beats the showmance anyday.

Posted by: Rachelle | Mar 28, 2008 10:18:40 AM

I know not of this Speidi creature; I don't watch the hills. But Mischa has been an enemy of mine (although I suspect that she's unaware of this) due to her RUINING of "The O. C." and her attempt to infiltrate "Gossip Girl". Also, she can't dress herself to save her life. So she gets my fug vote, no question.

Posted by: Pia | Mar 28, 2008 10:19:00 AM

This race for the title of Fug is sort of like Speidi's entire career:

1. We're annoyed these idiots are even ON our radar, and shocked we spend any time thinking about them.
2. We retaliate by gleefully mocking them!
3. We tire of that - and them - almost immediately.

Speidi, you time hath endeth. Suck it.

Carry on, Barton. Carry on!

Posted by: lelo | Mar 28, 2008 10:19:18 AM

The comments to this entry are closed.

 

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