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March 28, 2008

Fug Madness 2008: Charo, Sweet 16, Continued

(2) BAI LING vs. (3) TARA REID

Oooh, boy. I love you guys. Look what you did! You created a Sweet 16 Clash of the Titans -- a strange, sloppy nutjob whose raison d'etre nobody can quite discern, and a strange, sloppy nutjob whose raison d'etre nobody can quite discern. It's poetic.

Indeed I'm inspired. This can mean only one thing: It's haiku time. Which is a lot like Hammer time, but with better pants.

Left photo: Splash News]

Tragic formalwear.
What's worse: polka-dot bra top
Or refried prom dress?

Two boobs and their boobs.
I want to give them sweaters.
Knit, Intern George, knit!

If that's them dressed up,
I'd hate to see them relaxed.
Wait: I spoke too soon:

[Photos: Splash News]

But as a skirt? No, Bai, no!
You don't teach kids art!

So glad Tara's shirt
Explains what she's doing, or
I'd think she's at church.

Sad girl gets no work,
Desperate nutjob has no taste.
Pop quiz: Which is which?

Posted by H & J at 11:01 AM in Fug Madness | Permalink


Good lord, this is a hard one!

Posted by: guthriesmom | Mar 28, 2008 11:02:05 AM

I go with Bai. Tara could go to rehab and come out collected and unfugged, for all we know. Bai's just crazy.

Posted by: sarah | Mar 28, 2008 11:05:03 AM

Gotta go with Bai, just gotta!

Posted by: Jaimie-Lyn | Mar 28, 2008 11:05:07 AM

No contest.

Posted by: Susan | Mar 28, 2008 11:06:12 AM

Not only is it a polka dot bra top, but a SAGGING polka dot bra top! Somewhere in a forest, a 400 pound gay lumberjack is looking for his overalls.

Posted by: Christine | Mar 28, 2008 11:06:22 AM

Meh. Not really. Bai Ling's....awful. Tara Reid is just sad. She's too sad to fug almost. Bai Ling is just really, really terrible.

Love the Haiku. Love even more that you took the time and tried to do 5-7-5 syllable pattern but with a couple deviations, haha.

Posted by: Grant | Mar 28, 2008 11:06:23 AM

Tara is a sloppy nutjob, but Bai is the living incarnation of Fug. And I LOVE it.

Posted by: Alex | Mar 28, 2008 11:06:54 AM

I can't kick Tara when she's down - the slow downward spiral from American Pie to lopsided raison smuggler upsets me too much.

Fug is Bai's raison d'etre.

Posted by: Nicola | Mar 28, 2008 11:07:13 AM

Had to go with Tara. Bai Ling is insane and dresses insane on purpose. Tara thinks she looks awesome and yet fails miserably.

Posted by: Faith | Mar 28, 2008 11:07:34 AM

Bai is angling for attention via her clothes, (cf Gwen Stefani, Paris Hilton), whereas Tara is just lame... and sad... and fug, fug, fug.

I never thought I'd vote against la Ling, and yet, I just have. Go fig.

Posted by: carrie | Mar 28, 2008 11:08:09 AM

Bai is Classic Fug
Though Tara gives a good fight
Bai could win it all

Posted by: Jitterbugbaby | Mar 28, 2008 11:08:29 AM

Tara at least TRIES. I believe she has even had a well-played on here. But Bai. Bai is not from this planet. Bai is well and truly out to lunch, and is inexplicably drawn to the fug. And am I wrong, but in that photo above, is she wearing those overalls hanging down like low riders and no underwear? Hand on hips, DRAWING attention to that? Do I even want to imagine the back view? (no I don't. I just had lunch.)

Posted by: Tricia | Mar 28, 2008 11:09:57 AM

IT'S TOO MUCH FUG! TOOOOOOO MUCH! My brain feels like it's on fire!

Posted by: virginia | Mar 28, 2008 11:10:01 AM

OHGOD OHGOD OHGOD! What do I dooooo? Whom do I pick? This is the hardest choice ever.

Posted by: Pia | Mar 28, 2008 11:12:38 AM

Tara's wardrobe can be blamed on Jagermeister, while Bai Ling actually thinks she's cute. Bad taste sticks to Bai like white on rice. She wins.

Posted by: Whup-Ass Master | Mar 28, 2008 11:12:58 AM

Bai is crazy, wacky, loopy fug incarnate. Poor Tara just makes want to put my drink down.

I can't vote for anyone that makes me want to lay off the booze.

Posted by: Stitch | Mar 28, 2008 11:13:06 AM

By the way, love the haiku, girls!

Posted by: Pia | Mar 28, 2008 11:13:15 AM

This is getting so hard!!

Posted by: Melinda | Mar 28, 2008 11:13:51 AM

Yeah, I convinced myself that if you say "kindergarten" really fast, it counts as two syllables. But this morning I was like, "WHAT? No." Still, they're pretty close to 5-7-5.

Posted by: Heather | Mar 28, 2008 11:14:42 AM

Bai just does it for attention. I almost want to vote Tara to get rid of Bai, but ugh, she's just so awful I have to vote for Bai...

Posted by: Jolene | Mar 28, 2008 11:14:47 AM

I think Bai is the one to beat in this whole competition. Sure Tara is crazy and can generally fug it up with the best of them. But Bai is in a class (and a world) by herself.

Posted by: Indiana | Mar 28, 2008 11:15:01 AM

The formal picture of Tara really does look like a bad prom set up complete with cheesy, be-glittered background, overload of construction paper, and fake gold lame railing/hardwood flooring.

She is obviously going for the drunken prom-queen that just got done picking leaves out of her hair after "activities" behind the library and hurling the fifth of heaven hill that she downed in the limo on the way.

Bai is still winner simply because she is Tom Cruise level of insane.

Posted by: Melody | Mar 28, 2008 11:15:22 AM

I can't believe I just voted AGAINST Bai Ling, but the Fug of Tara Reid - the drunken, filthy, sloppy, tawdry, trashy, bad boob-jobbed fug of Tara Reid - was just too much to be ignored. I just want her to WASH, get some sleep, and stay out of the public eye until she loves herself enough to spend more than $25 on an item of clothing.

Posted by: Edith | Mar 28, 2008 11:16:39 AM

Oh dear Fug my eyes
Tara and Bai Ling are one
Tragic misguided

Posted by: Cecily | Mar 28, 2008 11:18:02 AM

This is basically a choice between the tramp and the chica loco. Tricky, cos I feel TR shouldn't be punished for being a tramp, and BL shouldn't be punished for being crazy. But, a crazy person can still dress nicely, so BL gets it.

Posted by: Lindsay | Mar 28, 2008 11:18:27 AM

The comments to this entry are closed.


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