FugBC Daytime

The scene: Some ABC event about something.

The players: Soap actresses Bobbie Eakes (left) and Kassie De Paiva

BOBBIE: Well hey there, Kassie!

KASSIE: Howdy, Bobbie! Ow, wait... sorry, I almost pricked myself on your cone boobs.

BOBBIE: I do not have cone boobs!

KASSIE: Oh, probably not I guess, but... I mean, it does kind of look like you might be wearing one of Madonna's old bras under there. I'm sure it's just an optical illusion.  Kind of like how your dress is probably not ACTUALLY made of Ariel.

BOBBIE: Quite. I'm just sorry to see that you gave up on your knitting and filled in the blanks on your turtleneck with ... what IS that, exactly? An old pair of nylons?

KASSIE: Listen, I'll have you know that I'm VERY BUSY. I replaced a half-Asian girl when I took my current part and had to pretend like that wasn't kind of weird, and I've spent the last 10 years basically falling in and out of love with the same dude who keeps getting stalked or shot at or molested by a crazy lady. YOU'LL FORGIVE ME IF I DIDN'T FINISH MY SHIRT.

BOBBIE: You are preaching to the choir, baby. I got killed off The Bold and the Beautiful TWICE, the last time by having a chandelier dropped on me, and then helped cover up a baby swap on All My Children while playing a woman who is a freaking GRANDMOTHER already and whose daughter is named -- wait for it -- Babe.

KASSIE (gasps): NO!

BOBBIE: I shit you not, sister. So YOU cut ME some slack.

KASSIE: Let's hug it out and then go out for a bourbon.

BOBBIE: You're on. Seriously, I have a lot of bitterness to get through about that grandmother thing.