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March 11, 2008

Fugtify My Love

JUSTIN: This... is awkward. I don't want to scare anyone, but Madonna isn't wearing pants.

IGGY: WELCOME TO THE 80s, PAL. And the 90s, actually. Would anyone like a nibble? This is PRIME BEEF. I am a FLESH MACHINE.

MADONNA: The hair works, right? Katherine Heigl's been doing this hair, and she's young. So it must make ME look young.

JUSTIN: It was MEANT to be transparent, right? Am I supposed to look? And LIKE IT? I mean, I haven't seen her since she made out with Britney at the VMAs and then asked me about tricep dips. I don't want to go back to that conversation. Especially not with her looking like a zombie.

IGGY: Just let it all hang out, bro. Holy hell, this feels good. I'm lusting for life all over again. Don't you just want to sink your teeth into this fresh meat?  I'll trade someone! Madonna looks a bit gamey, but that kid down the end might taste just right.

MADONNA: And the arms, they work, right? Young people have great arms. Justin probably has awesome arms. He's kind of my inspiration, actually. God, I just want to use my fearsome guns to tear off his young flesh and eat it.

JUSTIN: I don't know why, but I'm suddenly afraid that Madonna is going to use her fearsome guns to tear off my young flesh and eat it.

IGGY: I wonder what it'd taste like if I used Madonna's fearsome guns to tear off that kid's young flesh and eat it.

MADONNA: Also, I mean, my FACE looks pretty young. I wonder if anyone will notice that my eyes look different, and that I'm taking makeup tips from Hilary Duff. She's young. It's good, right? It must be. I'm ageless. I'm wearing a see-through pinafore with hot pants and J.Lo boots and my arms would scare Popeye and my hair is totally Modern-Day Marilyn and I LOOK YOUNG. BECAUSE I ALWAYS WILL BE.

IGGY: Could someone pass me the salt?

JUSTIN: Are we done here? Please, Jesus, can we be done here?

Posted by Heather at 11:31 AM | Permalink


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