Never Fug Down

Sure, it's cold and flu season, but it's the Sling Dress that is spreading like a virus.

Lucy Liu downplayed the drapery by adding dramatic, attention-grabbing gloves that made the whole thing dominatrix-cool, like if you misbehaved, she'd stuff you into that sling and leave you for dead. Then Katie Holmes came along and picked a more sedate pattern, giving off a a whiff of, 'This is where Tom goes during naptime," with the added possibility that the giant pouch-pocket is where she keeps her spare battery.

And now here's Amber Heard, formerly of Hidden Palms and currently of this Never Back Down movie about an underground fight club (which also stars Djimon Hounsou, no doubt turning in his best work since he rocked our socks as Nightclub Doorman in the 90210 pilot, when he let Brenda in so she could get hit on by Maxwell Caulfield, but rejected Kelly Taylor's fake ID). Amber's gone back to Lucy Liu's retina-searing version, paired it with plasticky shoes that look like bibs for her ankles, and evokes nothing so much as a jaded member of the Homecoming Court who picked the dress because it gives her a place to hide her flask. And probably also a bundle of clothes belonging to the school bully, whom she will later trick into the showers and then leave in there, shivering and naked, while she absconds with his suit and returns to the party. The third time is supposed to be the charm, but in this case, I think it's actually my least favorite. Please don't let there be a fourth.

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