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March 26, 2008

Fug Madness 2008: Round Two Final Results, Sweet 16 Starts Tomorrow!

We started with a field of 64 celebrities -- or rather, 65 if you count Brown Peldon, and it's more accurately a field of "65 personages of great interest to themselves and, in a few cases, to others."

Either way, over the past few days your mouse-clicks whittled the group down to 16 contenders, most of whom are frighteningly formidable and a few of whom will be summarily booted without so much as a brow furrow. We've got what we pray are some tense-making matchups between stalwarts of fug, seeds both low and high, and a pair of people who have coasted through two rounds on the strength of people deeming them "fugly on the inside." Quite a cast; if we could put them all in a movie together, it would win an Oscar... for cinematography.

If you haven't downloaded the bracket and you'd like to fill it in and see what's in store, here it is (and, yes, I totally published this post the first time without remembering to upload the file... awesome): Download Fug_Madness_2008_bracket.pdf

And now, the reveal of where all that voting has gotten us.

(2) SHARON STONE vs. (11) JULIETTE LEWIS - Friday, March 28

As expected, Sharon put a 77-percent hurt on Scarlett Johansson, and next takes on a renowned nutbar in Juliette Lewis -- who inspired 82 percent of you to vote for her and not for the fug of Keira Knightley.

(5) FERGIE vs. (16) COURTNEY PELDON - Thursday, March 27

Fergie got here by offing Brad Pitt and Rihanna; Peldon may well be the first No. 16 seed to knock off a No. 1 seed in the history of bracketology (let's just pretend that's true, without bothering with stuff like "research"), beating Lindsay Lohan in Round One and then disposing of Paula Abdul in Round Two.

And there's more!

(1) POSH vs. (5) SIENNA MILLER - Friday, March 28

Our favorite High Priestess of Camp, Victoria Beckham, ended Joss Stone's time in the Fug Madness spotlight by garnering the support (fugport?) of 78 percent of you. Sienna ended up more reviled for copying Kate Moss than Kate Moss was for pioneering their shared sloppy style, and scored 74 percent of the vote on her way to this matchup.

(2) JENNIFER LOPEZ vs. (6) BEYONCE - Thursday, March 27

J.Lo has coasted through past Natalie Portman and Lucy Liu, and gets a woman who beat back Kylie Minogue and then upset beautiful bag-lady Helena Bonham Carter to get to the Round of 16. We LOVE it when divas collide.

(1) MISCHA BARTON vs. (12) SPENCER & HEIDI - Friday, March 28

The so-called "Speidi," deemed fug on the inside, booted Eva Green with a surprising 69 percent mandate (and yes, we giggled a little at the number, because SHOCKINGLY, we are not always mature). Next up for them is Mischa, who won 75 percent of the vote against Kevin Federline. Popozao, bitches! Or something.

(3) PARIS HILTON vs. (15) BRITTANY MURPHY - Thursday, March 27

Who knew Brittany Murphy had so much staying power? After toppling Gwen Stefani in Round 1, she beat down Renee Zellweger with 70 percent of the vote and moves into the Sweet 16 to take on Paris Hilton -- who has easily put away her competition, most recently downing Kimberly Stewart with a 72-percent mandate.

(2) BAI LING vs. (3) TARA REID - Friday, March 28

This is one of the only sections of a bracket NOT to include an upset -- the way all brackets are laid out, Nos. 2 and 3 are always intended to meet up in this round because in a perfect world, they're supposed to be capable of beating their lower-seeded competition handily. And so it went: Bai Ling won 91 percent of the vote in defeating Kelly Clarkson and her crocheted jumpsuit, and Daniel Day-Lewis's plaid suit was no match for Tara Reid's aura of fug, which won over 84 percent of you.

(1) CHLOE SEVIGNY vs. (13) PHOEBE PRICE - Thursday, March 27

Chloe blew past Cameron Diaz and Mary-Kate Olsen -- in some senses, a Sevigny, Jr. -- en route to the Sweet 16, where she meets up with a complete press-hungry loon. Phoebe Price kicked Jessica Simpson to the curb in Round One and then blew straight through Alicia Keys in Round Two for the right to take on La Sevigny and her infamous fugitude.

Posted by H & J at 11:30 AM in Fug Madness | Permalink

The Emancipation of Fugli

There are some celebrities you spy out on the street and -- despite the fact that you were once pretty sure you were incapable of being all that impressed by another person (who, after all, just puts her pants on one leg at a time) -- you find that, in actuality, you can barely contain your glee at having actually spotted this crazy, famous, or crazy famous individual in the wild. This reaction generally occurs with the likes of Brad and Angie, Karl Lagerfeld, Madonna, or (for some of us) Britney Spears.

And then there are celebrities you spot out and about and you could not care less. See: Kardashian, Kim.

And then there is Mariah Carey:

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

It was not until I laid eyes on this photo that I realized she is SO in the first group for me. SHE IS SPECTACULAR. She is wearing a cropped, gold lame bomber jacket! And a dress a size too small! And fantastic stripper shoes! And SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT! She is a TREMENDOUS DIVA and somehow I have fallen in love with her in the last week and a half. I do not know how that happened, but there you have it.

Posted by Jessica at 10:45 AM | Permalink

Amerifug Idol

Allow me to walk you though the experience of watching American Idol in my house last night:

ME: Hang on. What happened to Paula's left sleeve? Did Simon finally get the point where he just couldn't take her nonsensical ramblings anymore and rip it off in a rage?

ME: Hold the phone. Is she wearing pleather elbow-length GLOVES? With assorted bracelets?

ME: REWIND. ARE THOSE GLOVES FINGERLESS? Also, is she doing the Macarena right now?

ME: REWIND THE PHONE AND HOLD ON TO IT. Fingerless pleather elbow-length gloves covered in bracelets and capped off with a cocktail ring? Am I seeing this? I think I am seeing this. Maybe I hit my head at some point today and now I'm hallucinating. That's probably what's going on here. Why can't I hallucinate about Brad Pitt? Is that Kristy Lee Cook singing "God Bless the USA"? WHERE DID MOMMY PUT HER GIN?

Posted by Jessica at 09:45 AM | Permalink

March 25, 2008

Well Played: Thandie Newton

Sigh. I just love a v-neck ruffle. Really, that's not sarcasm -- remember Michelle Williams's yellow Oscar dress the year she was nominated for Brokeback Mountain? I know a lot of people hated it, but it was like MY FAVORITE EVER. Because of the neckline. And the color. But mostly the neckline. Hence, I love this dress on Thandie Newton:

Does it help that she herself is quite gorgeous? Yes. And god knows, this dress is girlie and frilly to the extreme. And yet I love it. And her. And all of you! And life! And SANDWICHES!

Um, sorry about that. It's almost lunchtime. Carry on.

Posted by Jessica at 03:09 PM in Well Played | Permalink

Til Fug

Is it me, or is Joely Fisher wearing some very glamourous pajamas -- complete with bed jacket! -- out in public?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Posted by Jessica at 02:14 PM | Permalink

Fuglia

What happened to poor Thalia?

This was her back in 2006.

Then Tommy Mottola knocked her up, she had a baby six months ago, and now she's morphed into this:

The hell? I'm not saying she needs to wander around town in ball gowns all the livelong day. But in just two years she's gone from fresh and adorable to the very image of somebody's daft aunt who is all, "Greetings, Earthlings! I've just returned from a rendezvous with King Blurgh of the Planet Futon, who had much wisdom to share about curing our wicked planet's social ills, as well as loads of helpful insights into the benefits of wearing fireproof clothes! Come, let me probe you, and then sup on my knowledge." Which probably makes for some awesome dinner-table conversation at Maison Mottola, but is a little tricky for the rest of us to digest unless we're on our fifth martini.

Posted by Heather at 01:15 PM | Permalink

Fatal Fugtraction

Glenn Close is great. It pains me to have a beef with her, yet here I am, throwing a 32-ounce porterhouse at her.

I am FINE with women in suits, and indeed unless they're on backwards (hi, Celine Dion!), often think they look chic. But something about this reminds me way too much of every dance I ever went to in college. Throw in a collared shirt and a red tie, and I'm right back in the dorm watching a girl lean back her head, get the ingredients for a red shot poured into her mouth, then sputter and sit up too soon, spilling crimson down the front of her white dress. Glenn deserves something a bit more stylish, or properly tailored, or graceful -- something befitting her talent, rather than the smart-casual wear yanked out of the closet and ironed twice a year by some dude in Dillon Hall who goes by Spoons.

Posted by Heather at 12:36 PM | Permalink

Fug Madness 2008: Madonna, Round Two, Continued

(1) VICTORIA "POSH SPICE" BECKHAM vs. (9) JOSS STONE

These two people are very, very different. One of them is famous for having singing talent, loves wearing loose, floaty clothing, often looks sort of dirty and sticky, and would rather go barefoot and contract any NUMBER of foot fungi than stick a toe in a pair of shoes.

The other is famous for having very little singing talent, loves being squeezed into things that crack her ribs and push the air out of her lungs as much as humanly possible, often looks orange, and -- as witnessed on her fabulous reality special, in which she got pulled over by the cops for speeding while wearing driving flats and quickly changed into stilettos before the police officer asked her to step out of the car -- would rather die than be seen in anything but four-inch heels:

Also, I suspect Posh is a huge basketball fan. Just a hunch.

(4) KATE MOSS vs. (5) SIENNA MILLER

This is another one of those clashes we yearn for in real life. The dudes out there probably wish it could be on a rainy day at Glastonbury, which is essentially like mud-wrestling. But we'd rather see these two crappelgangers catfight their way into a lily pond, pulling out each other's hair and shrieking creative insults into each other's ears before gnawing them off in a rage.

See, essentially, everyone's been accusing Sienna of biting Kate's style. You be the judge:

What are those haters thinking? Clearly Sienna is copying Peter Pan.

But assuming she's trying to be a mini-Moss, almost down to the thigh muscle, it becomes a question of whether it's worse to be Sienna -- who is aping this ragtag aesthetic -- or to be Kate, who not only insists she came up with the whole terrible idea first but clings to it as her trademark. In more existential terms, if a tree falls in the forest and only Kate Moss is there to hear it, will Sienna show up in a week claiming the sound of the tree's pain is forcing her to crawl down the neck of a whiskey bottle with Rhys Ifans? Would we even HAVE a Sienna if there was no Kate? And whom do we blame MORE for all of that?

Posted by H & J at 12:00 PM in Fug Madness | Permalink | Comments (137)

Fug Madness 2008: Charo, Round Two, Continued

(2) BAI LING vs. (7) KELLY CLARKSON

Ah, yes. Some would call this the battle of the unquestionably talented (K. Cla) versus the questionably talented (you know who). But doesn't the indomitable spirit that Bai Ling puts into her outfits count as a talent? We like to think so. It takes skill to accessorize a two-piece dress with William H. Macy. It takes moxie to go out in the snow practically naked. It takes balls to go out in a homemade crop-top with your own face on it.  All that, AND she can dance.

She can not, as far as we know, sing, unlike her rival here:

Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly. KELLY KELLY KELLY KELLY KELLY KELLY KELLY. We love you. No -- we LOVE YOU. We voted our fingers off for you on AI. We car-danced our butts off to you thanks to "Since You Been Gone." We perma-saved From Justin to Kelly on our TiVos. We think you are perfect just as you are. Except we wish you'd stop wearing stuff like this.

(3) TARA REID vs. (11) DANIEL DAY-LEWIS

So these two would be a good match, right?

No? Are you sure? The star of Taradise! and one of our generations most gifted, well-spoken, intellectual and thoughtful actors? Not going to work? Why don't you believe in love for a second? I'm sure he'd love her in this, and she'd adore him wearing this...AGAIN. They're meant to be!


Posted by H & J at 11:00 AM in Fug Madness | Permalink | Comments (129)

Fug Madness 2008: Bjork, Round Two, Continued

(1) MISCHA BARTON vs. (9) KEVIN FEDERLINE

Call us crazy, but it almost seems like the two of these could potentially start dating. Can't you just see it? 2008 K-Fed feels like exactly the kind of quasi-rocker that  Misha would go for. Though whether or not he'd be into Princess Floaty Tunic here is hard to say:

Oh, Mischa. That would be so cute for your high school drama club's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, but in the outside world, it just seems likely to get caught in your car door and cut off the circulation to your neck, kind of like what this seems to have done to your ribs. On the other hand, at least you're not wearing THIS anymore. Or dating him, btw. In fact, one could argue this fine man is a total upgrade from Old Firecrotch-Hater Davis (who, we must remind you, sat next to one of us at the movies once and smelled so bad we had to breathe through our mouth. Also, he kept lifting up his hoodie to grab and inspect his belly fat. Also, he consumed: a bag of popcorn, a bag of chips, a bag of Skittles, a carton of Dibs, a Coke, a Slurpee and a lemonade. We just need to continue to tell people that story, that's all):

We once deeply hated K-Fed. But while he certainly has problems -- like pulling this sort of thing  or  insisting going out in very poorly fitting pants while poor Britney just wanted to look cute -- at least he brought us all the delight of Popozao, right? RIGHT?

(12) SPEIDI vs. (13) EVA GREEN

Judging from the comments on the last round, there are many, many people who Blame Spencer for any number of things, to the point where we might be making a shirt declaring such a thing. Can we blame him for Heidi's new lips and new faker hair, as seen here?

Also, have you ever seen two such fake laughs in your life? Maybe at this classy Taco Bell-related charity event, at which gaiety was totally appropriate. And yet I can't stop watching The Hills and as much as I want Spencer to have his COMEUPPANCE, I am pretty sure the show would be much more boring without him and his machinations.

However, maybe if he has to leave the show so that Heidi can become "a feminist hero" (the New York Times said so; it must be true) Eva Green can sweep in and start bossing Lauren around:

You know she and her Zombie Eye-Makeup of Doom could kick some satisfying ass (speaking of heroes). Also, maybe she could finally teach LC a thing or two about high fashion. CRAZY high fashion.

Posted by H & J at 10:00 AM in Fug Madness | Permalink | Comments (103)

 

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