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March 04, 2008

The Great Leggingsitis Epidemic of 2008: NEAR-CRISIS AVERTED

Lindsay Lohan was one thing. But this... this could have been catastrophic, if it were true.

[Photo: Splash News]

I already knew this couldn't really be Anna Wintour, for the very simple reason that the A-Dubs we know and cherish (and fear) NEVER seems to have colored polish on her toenails. But this is cruel indeed: A nefarious, ruthless A-Dubs IMPERSONATOR is running around Paris, befouling Baroness Boberella's reputation by implying that she would DARE step into a pair of leggings, or take a style tip from a messy starlet who's barely one-tenth the Mean Girl our Anna is. Rumor has it The Dubs herself has actually banned leggings from the pages of Vogue. She is our soulmate, clearly. Someone must pay for this deviousness.

Because I prefer to believe the soapiest explanation is the truest one, I've decided French Vogue editrix -- and A-Dubs archrival -- Carine Roitfeld is behind this scheme (not a stretch, considering they once did an Anna-themed spread) to slander the future Mrs. Roger Federer. But you are foiled, Carine! A pox on your scurvy chamber of lies! We may not know anything for sure in this topsy-turvy world, but there is one thing I hold certain when my heavy head hits the pillow at night: The Real Anna Wintour would NEVER appear at a Lanvin show looking like she got sprung late from her Yoga Booty Ballet class. Mais non, bitches.

Posted by Heather at 09:03 AM in Celebrity Terror Watch | Permalink


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