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April 03, 2008

Fug Madness 2008: Final Four, Game Two

(3) PARIS HILTON vs. (2) BAI LING

As we've mentioned before, it seems unseemly to credit Paris Hilton with winning anything, so let's just say that she is the only one who snuck out of Bjork's intrabracketary spaceship before it took off again for the home planet.

In a way, though, it's fitting that Paris and Bai should meet up at such a pivotal stage: Both attempt to act every now and then, both are fond of dressing for what we will politely call "maximum impact," both are best known for something unrelated to having an actual skill, and  both have tried singing (Paris on her album; Bai on VH-1's But Can They Sing?; if you have our book, you know there is a photo of her from this performing in nothing but a rhinestone bikini).

They're also both deranged:

And you know what else? They're both DERANGED:

We've tried throughout this tournament to use never-before-fugged pictures whenever possible, even if they're old, to illustrate a person's body of work -- and these pics give that phrase a very special meaning. Sure, it's been at least four years since these two dressed like extras from the Ice Sexcapades, but frankly, like sands through the hourglass, so are the fugs of our lives. Fame is fleeting but a fug is forever. And, of course, fug is a battlefield.

Which brings us back to wondering which one of these bozos deserves to advance to the finals. In Paris's favor, she has at least parlayed Being Famous For Looking Tacky And Acting Vapid into a career where she is paid actual money in exchange for accomplishing things -- like putting her name on a perfume or treating people badly on TV, or panting into a microphone and letting them use Pro Tools to make it a song.

Whereas Bai Ling has actually acted in things that don't have words like "hottie" and "wax" and "National Lampoon" in the title, and might actually possess a few incredibly sweet personalities kicking around in there... if we could get past the fact that all of them want you to be as aware of her nipples as possible. In addition to an incredible array of fug, she also has a priceless blog (!!!!) on which she writes things like -- and a big ol' "[sic]" to all of this -- "My name is Samantha, sexy godess, Take me with you any where...on the train, on the plane, on the wall, on a pink cloud... on your big palms..." Sounds like the basis for a freakin' great outfit to us.

But this is a tough one -- truthfully, the best arguments here for them are:

1) Paris is... Paris.

2) Bai is... Bai.

How to choose?

Posted by H & J at 10:00 AM in Fug Madness | Permalink

Comments

i'm voting for paris because she forces us to look at her all the time. bai is offensive, but i don't see pictures of her everytime i go to the grocery store.

Posted by: ana | Apr 3, 2008 10:01:47 AM

Bai Ling all the way, no question about this one. Paris by now, is just so very very meh.

Posted by: Leah | Apr 3, 2008 10:03:15 AM

It's Bai Ling's multiple psychotic personalities that does it for me. That, and I have a feeling she's at least as resolutely unwholesome as Paris.

Posted by: Tray | Apr 3, 2008 10:04:30 AM

Once Bai beat the Sev, it was obvious that this whole thing was over. Even the unquenchable skank of Paris Hilton cannot defeat the crahahahahazy fug of Bai Ling.

Posted by: drdan | Apr 3, 2008 10:05:38 AM

Bai-Bai, Paris! The Misses Ling take this in a cakewalk!

Posted by: Team Multiple Personalities | Apr 3, 2008 10:05:39 AM

Bai Ling definitely, Paris has "Played Well" far more often than BL.

Posted by: queenie | Apr 3, 2008 10:06:18 AM

Paris just needs to go away. Vote for Bai!!

Posted by: Toni | Apr 3, 2008 10:06:35 AM

It's touching and yet so so wrong that Paris and Nicki used to collaborate on their fug. I mean who looks in the mirror and goes oooh black mesh, let's turn that into a focal point for our twinsie outfits. And yet, Bai is just nutso. Therefore my vote is with Bai.

Posted by: Megan | Apr 3, 2008 10:07:05 AM

I agree Ana. However, based just on the fug, I believe Bai has been known to wear worse outfits. Therefore, I am voting for Bai.

Posted by: BinckyD | Apr 3, 2008 10:07:06 AM

My goodness, I was completely taken aback by how endearingly sweet Bai looked in all of her pictures, whilst Paris just has that smug, "Yeah, I pulled this out of a very expensive trash can, but that's because I CAN!" look on her face. I vote for Bai because I can, take THAT, Paris!

P.S. Loved the sands through the hourglass bit, made me laaaaaaaffff.

Posted by: Cecily | Apr 3, 2008 10:07:19 AM

Bai Ling 4-eva!

Posted by: jessm | Apr 3, 2008 10:08:06 AM

I think it's safe to say Bai wins no question. Paris is crazy, but come on, it's BAI LING!

Posted by: Michael Hicks | Apr 3, 2008 10:08:08 AM

In no way will I enable Miss Paris to be a "winner".

Posted by: bonemot | Apr 3, 2008 10:09:19 AM

Bai Ling FTW! Her fug is king!

Posted by: Gina | Apr 3, 2008 10:09:35 AM

Bai all the way!! I just totally got sucked into her 'blog' which is one of the strangest things I've read all week.

Posted by: Regina | Apr 3, 2008 10:10:22 AM

I had to go with Bai...did anyone see her chicken dance on TMZ?

Posted by: Drie | Apr 3, 2008 10:11:03 AM

That was so difficult, they both have their merits.

However I do not want to help Paris win anything, even a prize for fuggery, so the lovely Bai Ling it is.

Posted by: Jen C-B | Apr 3, 2008 10:11:14 AM

Bai has worked her ass off to get this far (sorry for not voting for you in the last round, sweetie - but it was THE SEV!!!), and she could pwn Paris in fuggery six times before breakfast (not that anyone here actually bothers to get up and eat breakfast, but still) and still have time to dress up as a Netflix DVD-wench.

Go Bai!!

Posted by: Kristen | Apr 3, 2008 10:11:32 AM

Go Bai Go! Do it for Chloe!

Posted by: Grant | Apr 3, 2008 10:12:09 AM

Seriously, Paris has enough money that she should be able to pay someone to keep her from making these fugtrocities. And, well, Bai's multitude of personalities and nip-slips make her fug reign supreme.

Posted by: Maranda | Apr 3, 2008 10:12:26 AM

I cannot allow Paris to sneak out ahead of anyone. Besides, Bai rules the fug!

Posted by: Emma | Apr 3, 2008 10:13:33 AM

True, I think Chloe was robbed, but I don't think any of us would be offended if Bai took the top prize.

Paris sucks. Her fug isn't even fun.

Bai is fun (and DERANGED).

Posted by: jk | Apr 3, 2008 10:14:00 AM

This is so hard. I want to vote for Paris just because I despise everything about her. But if I'm voting strictly on fug, I must vote for Bai Ling.

Posted by: Holly | Apr 3, 2008 10:14:00 AM

The fact that fighter jets could land on the boats that are Gay Paris' feet notwithstanding (seriously -- that woman has the biggest feet I've seen in quite some time and you know what they say about big feet ... no, I don't want to go there. And neither do you) Paris Hilton's fug is still not on the level of Bai Ling's. Yes, I know, too many peacocks have have given their lives to provide her with Bjork-lite wear, but ... it's BAI LING, people! Bai Ling's expression is invariably fiendish, as though she not only knows she's liquefying your retinas, but is somehow experiencing the process through implants bioengineered into unmentionable, too-frequently-displayed areas. Bai Ling is the Fatima of Fug, the Areola Franklin of our times. All must bow low, knock their foreheads to the floor and, most importantly, avert their eyes from this Total Eclipse of the Smart.

Posted by: SidheDevil | Apr 3, 2008 10:14:02 AM

Bai Ling stomps Paris into the ground. Paris couldn't even dream of achieving her level of fug. I actually checked out her blog the other day and found it to be the most surreal thing I had ever experienced. Things that go on in the mind of Bai Ling are astonishing. It would be blasphemous for Bai Ling to not win this whole thing.

Posted by: Athena | Apr 3, 2008 10:14:15 AM

The comments to this entry are closed.

 

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