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April 01, 2008

Fug Madness 2008: Madonna, "Elite Eight" round

(1) POSH vs. (6) BEYONCE

Beyonce has had it rough here -- it's been an endless string of divas for her, from Kylie Minogue to Helena Bonham Carter (who isn't so much a diva as a Derelicte devotee, but whatever -- in terms of TALENT, she has as much right to be a diva as any of these people if not more) to Sienna Miller, who frankly, would probably like you to think she's a diva but who is more accurately a sheep in Kate Moss's clothing. And now she gets Victoria Beckham. It's got everyone buzzing. Unless that's just a side effect of having had water trapped in my ear for two days.

These two women really aren't so different. Beyonce, for example, isn't averse to wearing dresses that barely rein in her assets -- or, what we lovingly refer to as "Pulling a Posh" -- and Victoria is wildly unafraid of hot pants.

Beyonce's grocery shelf may not be as squished and crammed, but the effect is the same: One false move and the melons will go flying. As for Posh, well, she could well be the daughter Tina Knowles never had, if you don't count the two she does.

And at times -- inexplicable, ill-advised, presumably hung-over times -- these women both prairie it up in garish style...

... and then look a tiny bit ashamed of it. Beyonce is all, "Yeah, I drew the short straw, so I let the other Destiny's Child girls wear little sundresses and I'm dressed like I'm about to dress like I'm frigging Laura Ingalls going to the prom in something her blind sister Mary picked out for her."

And, I mean, Victoria, you accessorize like a champion -- David is the best thing you could wear with any of your batty outfits -- but wearing a see-through lace undergarment with the curtains you ripped down from your country home in England is not the way to look gentle and genteel. It's what you (specifically YOU) wear if you want to say, "Last night I finished off four bottles of champagne by myself while I was burning copies of Rebecca Loos' newspaper interviews and I've been up all morning heaving into the toilet, so we're just going to be here for a few minutes and then David's taking me out for greasy fish and chips and then I'm going to sleep for two days and wake up with amnesia. Okay? Great."

These two are magic. They're both people whom we feel drag queens must LOVE to impersonate on Halloween, or just for fun on a random Wednesday. It's heart-wrenching to think they won't both move on (not as tough as what's going down in the Charo bracket, but still emotionally challenging), so vote carefully.

Posted by H & J at 11:00 AM in Fug Madness | Permalink


damn....it's really coming down to the wire in fugville...

Posted by: susan | Apr 1, 2008 11:03:18 AM

Oh my god, this is soooooo hard! I don't know if I can handle the stress as we get closer to the final two!

Posted by: Kimberli | Apr 1, 2008 11:03:44 AM

Posh simply sets the standard here. Beyonce is a mere follower.

Posted by: Jeff | Apr 1, 2008 11:03:55 AM

I have to go with Posh. Beyonce can always blame the crazy choices on not wanting to hurt her mom's feelings. Posh doesn't appear to be related to her stylist and she still wears those crazy things.

Posted by: Kate | Apr 1, 2008 11:04:38 AM

Orange Basketball Boobs FTW!

Posted by: mrs o | Apr 1, 2008 11:05:55 AM

I voted for Beyonce because she brought upon us the travesty that is the House of Dereon. Posh I think gets it, but she just misses on occasion, and I think she does it intentionally. She knew what she was doing when she left the house in the hotpants and the gloves. Beyonce just thinks she looks hot in sequins and miniskirts. I had to go with Beyonce/Sasha.

Posted by: nichole | Apr 1, 2008 11:07:18 AM

POSH. All the way.

Posted by: Tallie | Apr 1, 2008 11:07:21 AM

Again, in some weird way, Posh pulls this off, and Beyonce doesn't - which leads me to vote for Beyonce (but which I suspect is the reason many people would vote for Posh). It's kind of fascinating the different approaches we all take to this....

Posted by: Edith | Apr 1, 2008 11:07:58 AM

This one was not as tough as Bai vs. Chloe. I voted for Posh because, just like Chloe and Kate Moss and Sienna Miller, she THINKS that she looks good dressing the way that she does and she is labeled as a fashion icon. Beyonce just dresses like she is in an eternal beauty pageant and I find her style to be very juvenile.

Posted by: Athena | Apr 1, 2008 11:08:05 AM

I agree B's mom is at least partially to blame here. But P comes up with those things all on her own.

Posted by: NaNa | Apr 1, 2008 11:08:10 AM

Tough to judge. Tough to judge. But I had to go with Le Posh. Because I hate her husband. He is the most useless thing on the planet, and in my opinion, not very attractive nor very stylish. And if I was famous I would TOTALLY dress like Beyonce. With a few days in between where I would dress like Posh.

Though mostly, that "green" photo of Posh is fascinating because:


Posted by: Tricia | Apr 1, 2008 11:09:35 AM

Gotta be Posh.

Beyonce has the excuses of youth and domination by parents to offer in her defense--the Posh has no such mitigating factors.

Posted by: JupiterPluvius | Apr 1, 2008 11:10:39 AM

Has to be Beyonce. Posh is her own brand of crazy, and she works it! Beyonce gets halfway there, and then forgets to brush her hair, or wear jewelery, or settles for something her mom picked out.

Posted by: Wendy | Apr 1, 2008 11:10:50 AM

i go with posh! i almost didn't bc i saw a glimpse of david beckham in one of the pictures and when he's around, i don't even notice vic, alien or not.

and i just read the comment above me and we gravely disagree on issues surrounding the fug, but still we can agree that posh's fug reigns supreme!

Posted by: nikkol | Apr 1, 2008 11:15:09 AM

Love Posh. Want to see more Posh all the time.

But Beyonce just doesn't get it, and that means I'm voting for her.

Posted by: your neighborhood librarian | Apr 1, 2008 11:15:29 AM

Posh. Because she has apparently convinced poor sweet Jada Pinkett Smith that Permanent Bitchface is the new black.

Posted by: drdan | Apr 1, 2008 11:15:37 AM

I agree, it has to be Beyonce. Posh's look is bold and purposeful and damn if sometimes she isn't spot on. Beyonce, on the other hand . . . hot mess, tranny, hot mess. I have yet to covet anything she wears. Take the scissors away from Mama once and for all!

Posted by: Patsky | Apr 1, 2008 11:16:39 AM

While Posh and her fake assests are gross, Beyonce is all over the place. Another day another comstume! At least Posh is consistant.

Posted by: Sara | Apr 1, 2008 11:16:54 AM

Posh. Always and ever Posh. She is gloriously delusional and eternal fugly. There is nothing like it. Except Bai Ling. And Chloe. Beyonce, despite having gotten this far, will have to work long and hard to achieve what the other three have. Although, those green micro hot pants are working. See, the thing is, Beyonce is usually fug in performance clothes. The others, well, they just wear that shit to the corner store.

Posted by: Miz Shoes | Apr 1, 2008 11:18:24 AM

My money's on Posh to take this whole shooting match.

Posted by: Ellie | Apr 1, 2008 11:18:29 AM

Posh, because hot pants are never formal wear. (although Beyonce could take care to remember that as well). And she has fugged up her face with too much work - at least Beyonce can still smile rather than present a death mask grimace to the world.

Posted by: Alice | Apr 1, 2008 11:18:45 AM

This was hard but I had to go with Posh. At least partly because people -- including her -- seem to think of her as a fashion icon. And partly because of the chest balls and the piggy nose, UGH.

Posted by: lesli | Apr 1, 2008 11:19:28 AM

In the featured pictures, they both look like some Marvel Comics artist's dream come true: Beyoncé's the nice girl (with a big rack)- you can tell because she's wearing a dress - and Posh is the naughty ninja - complete with fingerless gloves, hotpants and a bad attitude. Also a big rack. Perhaps the Naughty Ninja's superpower is her indefatigably soreheaded expression? She glares at the bad guys until they cave and call her a fashion icon? (Oh, wait - Missus Beckham does that *now*.)

Posted by: Sandman | Apr 1, 2008 11:19:39 AM

Beyonce because she squeezes herself into all manner of gilded and inappropriately shiny fabrics, like a woman stuffed in a basketball trophy. Skirts too short, bodices too low, hair too blonde, and what was that Oscar show where she got to sing all five songs w/costume changes all about? Posh, the phoenix of fug, has risen from the ashes of my votes as she intrigues me, I am interested, engaged. Beyonce bores me. Now...fetch me my drink.

Posted by: Cecily | Apr 1, 2008 11:19:52 AM

That sparkly blue eyeshadow! OUCH.

Posted by: Chaser | Apr 1, 2008 11:20:10 AM

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