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May 13, 2008

Fug and the City

KRISTIN: Oh... my!

CYNTHIA: Wow, it's so... wow!

KIM: I seriously cannot believe this bitch.

SJP: Why, hello, photographers! I'm here! Can you believe our little show blossomed into a movie?

KRISTIN: I'm not stuck sitting behind her, am I?

CYNTHIA: Nah, I'm sure they gave that seat to Kim.

KIM: Seriously, NO ONE is looking at me, and that is not normal. Hello? Everyone? I'm the naked sex maniac! I'm the one that supposedly hates all these clowns! LOOK AT ME!

SJP: It's amazing what the show has done! I mean, you plant a seed, and it just grows and grows...

KRISTIN: At least this way no one's noticing that Kim and I are in the same color, or that her hair is kinda pointy.

CYNTHIA: Or that your boobs look kind of strange in that.

KRISTIN: Hey, whose side are you on?

SJP: ... and you can either cut off the flower and put it in a vase to die, or you can let the bees get into it and spread the pollen, and create a garden of comedy...

CYNTHIA: I'm hypnotized. Kim is going to cut her.


SJP: ... and you water it, and suddenly it blossoms into a mature flower...

KRISTIN: Ten bucks says Kim snaps in five minutes.

CYNTHIA: Double or nothing says it's two.

KIM: Oh, I'll snap. I'll snap her like a twig. There is a GIANT living up there and it's called HER EGO and so I have to CHOP DOWN HER BEANSTALK.

SJP: ... and I will NOT put Carrie Bradshaw in a vase! She's too remarkable. I needed the world to keep holding the hosepipe that waters the garden of Carrie.

KIM: I am going to water her head-garden with a little hose I call THE TOILET BOWL.

KRISTIN: You know, I might be okay with that.

CYNTHIA: At this rate we'll have to film the sequel in separate rooms and splice it together.

KIM: That's assuming she doesn't wear an entire POTTING SHED on her head at the U.S. premiere...

SJP: Oh, hi, guys. When did you get here?

KIM... in which case, there will be no sequel because I will have shoved a pitchfork up her nose.

CYNTHIA: And that's $20 to me, please, Kristin.

Posted by Heather at 09:04 AM | Permalink


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