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May 28, 2008

Sex and the Fugly: A Well Played, and a Not So Much

I secretly -- except not, apparently, since I just said it on my blog -- love Sarah Jessica Parker's dress.

I know it looks a tiny bit like spacesuit material, or that it's been covered in cling film, but she just looks so pretty in it. Everyone is watching; why NOT go big, right? There are photos where she's walking around while playing with the skirt and stretching it out, and dammit, I would do the exact same thing if I were Princess For A Day in that gown. [Incidentally, I would also take Matthew aside and be all, "Listen, Ferris, would it KILL YOU to act like you are proud to be with me?" His left meathook is plopped onto her waist like it's radioactive, and his facial expression is saying to me, "Shoot, there's that girl whose best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend who heard from the guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw me pass out at 31 Flavors last night. She is totally going to bust me for being here instead of being at home dying of some mysterious wasting disease. How much longer do I have to do this?" SNAP TO, BRODERICK. Or else, to put it in WarGames parlance, you are going to be at DEFCON1 when you get home.]

But while she gets to swan around like the bride, it's a tad unfortunate that Kristin Davis is stuck in something that makes her look like Sarah Jessica's eternal handmaiden:

I can't even tell if it's that bad. I'm too fixated on how she's got the possessed smile and forced jollity of a bridesmaid who's just been told the bouquet is being tossed in ten minutes, and the bride just got on the mic and screamed that she expects ALL THE SINGLE GIRLS TO BE THERE, FRONT AND CENTER ,with a huge wink in her direction, while oily Uncle Warthog and his halitosis just caught the garter and is stretching and twiddling it between his fingers while panting openly at her, AND the open bar just closed so she's got no liquid courage in her glass to help her through the horrible events that will doubtless ensue.

So it COULD be a nice dress, I guess -- the crumpled-paper-in-a-trashcan hem reminds me of Zac Posen's show-closing gown from the Spring '07 show, although apparently this is Donna Karan -- but next to what the Queen Bee got to wear, it's a bit of a flop. Or, to quote Tyra Banks as she delivers a sensitive monologue to a contestant with bad photos, "Wah-WAAAAAAH."

Posted by Heather at 01:02 PM in Well Played | Permalink


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