December 05, 2006
This photo, quite frankly, scared the bejeesus out of me when I first saw it.
I mean, it's not every day that the classy and generally stylish Cate Blanchett appears to have draped herself in nothing more than some strategically placed gift ribbon, and it's certainly not usual to see her doing so with such an unabashedly proud, come-hither look in her eye, as if to say, "You think this is crazy? YOU HAVE NO IDEA."
Fortunately, the long shot, which showed up a bit later, assuaged my fears that Blanchett was heading for a torrid affair with a straitjacket.
Some fabric does actually belong to all that alienesque gold trim, which means that thankfully, the promise of presents and figgy pudding does not appear to have addled La Blanchett's brain with holiday spirit and turned her into a human ribbon dispenser. So now I can refocus my worry toward on fact that she chose a corset with such weirdly visible boning -- and also, even in spite of the aforementioned constrictive device, on whether she's eating enough. Don't Kidman yourself, Cate. It's not worth it. She almost never looks happy.
November 08, 2006
Cate Blanchett and I don't always agree on fashion -- not that she ever asks, of course -- but I'll give her this: She often pulls off things that, on their own merits, leave me quite cold.
For example, this getup from a while ago:
I do not care for this. I bristle at the absurdly ethereal collar that makes it look like her head is the centerpiece in a macabre gift basket. And I don't see the point in having sleeves so big you could use them as purses. And yet... maybe I'm going soft in the head, but at the time, I had to hand it to her -- she looks confident, she's standing tall, and she is working it, and that certain Cate Blanchett Aura ended up overshadowing my initial distaste for the clothes. I shrugged it off, ignored this ensemble, and moved along with other fugging.
However, this Cate Blanchett Aura is not impenetrable. It is not a free pass. And it thereby will NOT save her from being roundly chastised for the following grossly misguided piece of whimsy.
She looks like the drum major for the Greenwich Regional Institute for the Musically Curious Yet Criminally Insane, where unbelievably preppy people who are both crazy and crazy for matching sweater shells and ties can rehabilitate. There, they let the power of music, marching, and airborne batons -- plus of course the annual trip to the Denny's Moon Over My Hammy Bowl to play the halftime show -- cure their broken minds.
And in fact, the way I see it, the only way Cate can repay us for putting us through this kind of ordeal might be to play that exact role in a movie -- entitled, say, Drum Crazy, if it's a slapstick departure from her normal gravitas, or The Beat Of A Different Drummer if it's a stirring adult drama in which she has to fight for her sanity and the love of the young child she left behind in the emotional wreckage of her mental break. While she makes kooky friends at the asylum (Kristin Chenoweth, Kathy Najimy, and Rhys Ifans), her mother (Blythe Danner) and her mother's dishy, gruff, wounded-bachelor neighbor (James Denton, in his first breakout big-screen performance) help rebuild the kid's sense of security. Then, at the climactic halftime performance at the bowl game, music teacher Christopher Plummer gives Cate a critical solo, then falls for Blythe while Cate and James shake hands for the first time and realize they share a love of the child... and maybe, just maybe, of each other.
See, all that comes to pass, then we can write off the outfit to "research," and never speak of it again.
January 14, 2005
Cate Blanchett shocked us with her polka-dot nightmare, but an eagle-eyed reader sent us a photo that proves she took leave of her sartorial senses long before:
This photo is from the November 2003 premiere of The Missing.
Indeed, this Pretty in Pink-esque outfit puts that of Elizabeth from The Apprentice to shame. Cate's is the mourning version of Molly Ringwald's atrocious frock, as if Andie had made a black one in case she decided to beat the life and the tar out of Blaine behind a dumpster rather than shove her tongue down his throat.
Now, it's my understanding that Ms. Blanchett popped out some spawn in April 2004, so she was sporting a maternity bulge here. But that's no excuse. The preponderance of knocked-up celebs has led to some very attractive maternity wear, much of which Sarah Jessica Parker modeled when she was preggers. So there's really no rational reason why Cate chose this: Not flattering, surely not all that was out there... She didn't have to wrap herself up like a sympathy gift at a wake.
Even the woman in the maroon tights and flats that match her dress is looking at her going, "Was she mugged before the party?"
January 13, 2005
I'm so distressed by Cate Blanchett's dress, an Yves Saint Laurent number she wore to the UK premiere of The Aviator. It looks like a depressed Twister mat. With feathers.