Met Ball Fug Or Fab: Christina Ricci

Maybe I'm crazy, but I rather like this. She looks like an elementary school Valentine, the kind you would make with red construction paper and paper doilies and Elmer's glue. Except, you know, less smeared with fingerprints, graham cracker crumbs, and glue detritus. Presumably. On the other hand, why is her bodice so m-f-ing crooked? I want to run over to her and yank it up and to the right.

polls twiigs.com...

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Katie Holmes

We got a lot of e-mails suggesting that, by wearing blue shoes with an orange-red dress, Katie Holmes might have taken leave of either her vision or her senses.

To me, the color scheme actually makes weird sense with the theme of the event. Wonder Woman certainly didn't shy away from mixing primary colors, for instance, and Superman and Spider Man could never be accused of favoring subtle palettes either. What gives me greater pause is the way this is executed: The pointy, high-cut shoes are a bit clunky for my taste, appearing almost like an afterthought and akin to those heavy old pumps of the 80s that her mother probably gave away fifteen years ago, and she's got the same problem Nicole Kidman had at the Oscars, with the long necklace hooking like a noose around one boob. As for the dress, it photographs with a strange plastic sheen --  like Katie had it made at one of those factories that makes the fake grass you put in Easter baskets, and strands of which, if you have offspring who are anything like I was, you will still be finding down the side of the sofa and stuck to the curtains four months later because the aforementioned kids liked to run around the house wearing the green tufts like fright wigs. (True story. And for added drama, Easter baskets sometimes make great fake bonnets. In case you were wondering.)

I think my problem can be boiled down to: I don't love Mrs. Holmes-Cruise in strong reds, or at least, not when she's got such a chiseled, structured haircut that competes with the dress for total domination over her face. That gown is screaming so loudly for attention that the rest of her becomes mute. Which she's probably used to in her family life, given that she spawned one of the cutest celebrity kids in recent memory and is married to a couch-surfing zealot, but which she shouldn't have to put up with when it comes to her wardrobe. Her pretty face deserves better than to be an afterthought.

poll by twiigs.com

Met Ball Fug Carpet Fug Or Fab: Eva Longoria Parker

Note number one for Eva Longoria Parker:  You have GOT to blend your makeup a bit better. Your forehead is way paler than your shoulders and it is weird, like you've got the forehead of a vampire but the neck of a marginally talented actress. You've got to make your Makeup Bitch blend! Blend! Or is it possible that you've crossed your Makeup Bitch one too many times and she's now making you pay by doing you up like the Cranky Undead? In which case: e-mail us, Makeup Bitch. We'd like to buy you a box of wine.

Otherwise, I have a query for you:

poll by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Sharon Stone

You make the call regarding perennial Fug Fave, crazy, gorgeous (and sometimes crazy gorgeous) Sharon Stone, who may or may not have had yet another run-in with the vicious, clothes-hating animal so prone to shredding her clothes that we accidentally ended up dubbing the woman Rapid Beaver. For so many reasons. Some of which are very, very juvenile. But some of which stem from the fact that she often looks like she's fresh from a tangle with a toothy rodent so evil it prompts me to make terrible typos:

And yet, I kind of love it. Is that wrong? Tell me what to think:

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug Or Fab The Cover: Julianne Moore

I have had many a conversation over the past week or so about this cover, and they all go something like this: "She looks hot! But the whole thing is sort of unseemly. But it's FRENCH! But it's just TOO MUCH. But maybe it's SEXY. But it's also sort of creepy. But that color is great. But I don't need to see her in this S&M panties-coordinated-with-belt thing. But at least it's interesting! But it makes me feel sort of uncomfortable. But maybe that's the point! But I hate it. No, I love it. No, it's terrible. No, it's AWESOME. No. Yes. No. I don't know. GOD, WON'T SOMEONE PUT IT TO A VOTE?!"

Your wish is my command, dear reader:

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: This Week(Ish) In Gwyneth

Gird your loins -- with Iron Man hitting theaters this weekend, we're going to continue seeing a lot of Gwyneth Paltrow. 

And I do mean a lot. Gwynnie must've gone on a Gam Rediscovery Retreat recently, because she's been skipping all around town in the kind of short skirts we're  more used to seeing ride up around the pantyless pelvises of Young Hollywood as they slide out of cars.

Not that it's all a complaint. The girl's got great legs. It's just that I'm not always sure about the stuff she's using to show them off to us.

It's short, but more distracting is all the lattice work. Like, is there a nude slip under there, or is she just feeling naked and racy today? Am I bewitched by an optical illusion, or is it cutting her chest weirdly around her armpits and making her look unnaturally bulgey in places where, in reality, she almost certainly has no bulge? Doesn't that Bermuda Triangle of fabric on her groin make it look like she's wearing a black cloth diaper? And is there a weird face staring at me from her boobular region? And In concept I wanted to love this, but in life, it's like wearing a Rorschach ink blot. I feel like people were coming up to her all night and saying, "Ooh, it's death! The Angel of Death!" or "I see a Rolls Royce!" or "Is that a DOG that looks like Princess Leia?"

 

Maybe Gwynnie just really likes people staring at her in bewilderment, as I did yet again when I saw this dress from earlier:

[Photo: Splash News]

I don't want to know whose face that really is. It's way more fun to make random and hopelessly inaccurate guesses. For instance, I've decided it looks like an artist used a Lite Brite to draw a portrait of Sandra Bullock.

 

But arguably the most talked-about photo of La Paltrow has been a variation on this one, in which it appears you can see her Private Benjamins. That photo, I'm not entirely sure was devoid of Photoshop's mischievous caress, but it's undeniable that girlfriend is leaving things somewhat to chance:

[Photo: Splash News]

The thing is, I almost love this. She looks 90 feet tall, the tuxedo jacket is cute, and her hair and makeup work (now that she's lopped off those extra mangy inches of hair, doesn't she look SO much more like her mom Blythe Danner?). But the minidress itself is so... well, mini. Apart from my usual musings on how the hell she sits down in that thing without disinfecting the chair first, I feel like she could've gone a fraction lower with the hemline and still been sexy; this high, and I'm wondering if she's going to strap on ice skates later and perform an interpretive ode to the mighty speculum.

all polls by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab: Zoe Saldana

Behold Zoe Saldana, she who so powerfully rocked our world as the Eva, The Great Dancer With the Bad Attitude in Center Stage:

I put it to you: does she, or does she not remind you of the Mother of the Bride?

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Gwyneth Paltrow

As previously mentioned, I am suffering from a wee bit of the jet lag, which forced me to hallucinate that Kelly Osborne was wearing some wack-a-doo detached hoodie thing. But this -- though awfully Spawn Of Marion Cottilard And Fishnet Stockings -- looks kind of great, right?

RIGHT?

polls by twiigs.com...

Meh or Feh: Amy Poehler

Let's get one thing clear: No matter how much I love Tina Fey, and despite also mostly liking Amy Poehler's work, I will never see Baby Mama. No, really. I won't. I can think of a thousand things off the top of my head that, when I ponder doing them, bring me less anguish -- and yes, Do A Shot With Spencer is on that list, alongside burning off my own hair and going on Oprah wearing Crocs and leggings.

So it's fair to say that I'm grumpy with Amy Poehler these days for being part of that movie. And maybe that's why I'm judging her outfit here kind of harshly. But seriously, isn't it just a tad underwhelming?

Sort of a snore, right? Not splashy enough to be fug, not chic or tailored enough to be effortlessly fab. It's just so... I'm getting tired just staring at it for more than three seconds at a time. The semi-high-waisted, wide-legged pants don't seem to fit that well, and the waist detail almost gives off the impression that they're fancy chastity trousers -- like Will Arnett has to lock up the goods before she goes out on the town, in case she spontaneously runs up on stage and moons everyone or tries to kidnap Jon Stewart by stuffing him down her pants. That satin shirt she's got jammed in there is sort of frumpy and excessively shiny. The leather jacket with sweater-cuffs actually helps, believe it or not, but the whole effect evokes an ensemble Paula Poundstone might wear to a biker bar. And is that EVER the right direction for ANYONE?

poll by twiigs.com

Fug Or Fab The Cover: Gwyneth Paltrow

This is the day of the week where I admit something embarrassing, and today, it's that I am that person in America who loves Gwyneth. I know, I know: She's got a rep for being snotty and snobby and icy and whatnot, but I can not help it. I love her. Even when her head is apparently floating a full foot in front of her neck:

I know. She has a floating head, and I suspect she's able to "simplify everything," as she says on the cover, because....oh, I don't know....maybe because SHE'S LOADED? Money can't buy everything,  but it CAN pay for someone to water your lawn and buy your Mini Wheats and fold your underpants and I bet we'd all be able to more easily juggle our families and our jobs if we didn't have to run to the laundromat and the corner store all the damn time.  Ergo, I can understand why some people out there in the wide world might read this and kind of want to kick old GP in the shins. But I can't help it.  I just look at her and WANT TO BUY THE MAGAZINE. I don't even know WHY.  It's like that weird thing I have with Lohan, except for how Paltrow is like THE EXACT opposite of Lohan. On the other hand, I do wish there was an article in here explaining how I, too, can have that floating head.

polls by twiigs.com...

CMT Awards Fug Carpet: Fug Or Fab, Paula Abdul

Wow, Paula Abdul looks kind of great.

That's a nice, rich color, and I love her hair.

Of course... the sleeve is sliding off her shoulder on one side, isn't it? And the sparkly embellishments look a tiny bit like Spider Man threw a tantrum in her limo.

But it's PAULA, you know? I feel like it's a blessing if she even manages to wander into the correct party, on the right day, using real words in a believable order.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug Or Fab: Fug the Cover?

I just don't know anything anymore.

Is this good? Is this bad? Has Renee always used that accent over the second E in her name (Wikipedia says "yes," IMDb says "sometimes," I say, "huh, I never noticed")? Also, why is In Style using the same accent over the E in "decor"? I mean, if Elle Decor doesn't need an accent, why does In Style? Is it just to seem FANCY?! And why do I care? The real question is: does Renee look better than usual? That color is nice on her. But that haircut, it's excruciating still. Right? RIGHT?

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Mischa Barton

Whatever's going on with Mischa lately, at least she's in good spirits:

[Photo: Flynetonline.com]

And I almost think she pulled this off. My question is, what's with the stumpifying shoe choice? Has she recently developed a raging bunion problem? Because it takes a LOT to make Mischa Barton look short-legged and yet....here we are.

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Kate Bosworth

The pros: well, she looks really happy. The color's not terrible on her. It certainly ain't boring.

The cons:  those appear to be sock/gloves, I think that's aluminum foil, and I am concerned this whole thing may be constructed from cupcake liners.

Another pro: who doesn't like cupcakes?

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab The Cover: Hilary Duff

We've gotten several emails about this cover, but I have to admit that when I got it in the mail the other day, I didn't really think much of it, other than, "The orange and pink together is SO Lucky. Is that Hilary Duff? I wonder what she's been up to. Do we have any ice cream?" Now that I look at it more closely, of course, I must concur with the kind reader who pointed out that her lipstick appears to be a new shade from Revlon called Dead Like Me. As for the rest of it, well...what do you think?

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Charlize Theron

In life, I hate vertical blinds. But on Charlize Theron, I think I can live with them.

It's an odd concept for a dress: The top is sort of half-window treatment, half-binder, and from the hips down it looks like someone shredded a piece of that old computer paper that had the perforated strip of holes running down both sides. And yet, I like it. There's something cool about it. And while I suspect that something cool might be the six-foot-infinity blonde around whom it's wrapped, it might also be that there's a weird aura of Interpretive Body Armor about it. Like she's some kind of fashion warrior. If vertical blinds looked that funky on their own, I'd be living in an entire den of them.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug Or Fab: Mischa Barton

Oh, Mischa Barton. How the mighty have fallen, eh? Killed off The OC ....and no one really cared.  Offered -- allegedly -- a role on Gossip Girl and people freaked out. And not in the good way. Stick a little DUI in the middle of that and you've got a tasty, toasted downward-spiral sandwich. At least they're still inviting you to things, right?

[Photo: Splash News]

A word to the wise: you'd look about six hundred percent better in this if your posture wasn't screaming, "IS THIS TOO SHORT ON ME? I HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT MY THIGHS!" Your thighs are fine. The dress is great. Your accessories are....well, surely words wouldn't be failing me if I wasn't on day three of a raging fever. (Heather and I contracted the Death Flu simultaneously, which would be cute if we weren't both convinced we might lapse into a coma at any time. To the thousands of you who've already had this infamous Death Flu and survived it, I wholeheartedly salute you. Stupid germs. I hate them.)

What was I talking about? Oh, Mischa's accessories. My fever tells me they're totally adgoi3tgfsws@!1frf, which sounds pretty accurate.

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug Or Fab: Rachel Bilson's Bangs

As I'm sure you've heard, there's HUGE NEWS in the world of foreheads: GFY HQ Girl Crush Rachel Bilson has CUT BANGS?!?!11111!!! BANGS!

 

We've heard from readers waxing both pro and con re: THE BANGS, and as we've been sort of run ragged by the delicious Oscar shenanigans of this week (looking up how to spell Marion Cottilard multiple times can be tiring!), we thought, let's put it to a vote:

polls by twiigs.com...

Oscar Fug Carpet: Hilary Swank

Hilary Swank is someone who should probably avoid making statements -- I wasn't a fan of the navy backless dress the year she won for Million-Dollar Baby, and of course there was that pre-GFY Academy Awards to which she wore a pink minidress wrapped in full-length tulle. It's like she thinks we still don't Get It that she's attractive and womanly, but in fact, we do.

So I was relieved she stayed away from statement dressing -- for her sake, of course; OBVIOUSLY we were hoping she'd show up in a piñata. But in the end I still don't think I'm entirely on board with what she picked.

The translucent skirt is sort of fine, but I'm not wild about the way she's woven into it, nor how the design makes it look like the cross-hatching is slowly coming undone and will eventually leave her semi-nude in a big swinging, filmy black drape. And my early interest in the bodice wore off the longer I stared at it, at which point it began looking like arachnids on parade.

And then, of course, there is the close-up.

Girl, you have GOT to keep the side-boob in check. Your gown has to stand the test of, oh, at least FIFTEEN MINUTES of posing and throwing elbows to get through the throng before your chest makes a run for it. Strap those suckers in, tape 'em down, and put your assistant on Ooze Watch all night. It's why you pay him or her, and also, it's great fodder for his/her eventual memoir, which puts mortgage-caliber money in his/her pocket. So really, screeching for boob tape at 2:58 p.m. -- mere minutes before you're supposed to burst forth from the limo and try not to become hypnotized by Lisa Rinna's lips of putty -- and then shrieking, "You'd better not take your eyes off my boobs ALL NIGHT or you're FIRED," is actually a GENEROUS act.

Oscar Fug Carpet Fug or Fab: Marion Cotillard

On one hand, it looks like what might happen if fish scales and lace mated. On the other, it's French and so is she, and she's so pretty and she was so, so lovely and adorable when she won, and you know what? I think I might sort of....like it.

I mean, for one thing, it's certainly very flattering on her. She looks like a sexy fish-lady on her wedding day, which I know SOUNDS weird and rude, but I mean it in totally the most complimentary way. You feel me, right? Tell me you feel me:

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Katie Holmes

Actually, I'm fairly sure I know how I feel about this.

Love the pattern, but unless Katie is planning to carry Suri in that thing until her high-school graduation, wearing a dress with a gargantuan built-in baby sling is a tad over the top. Perhaps that's where she keeps Tom when he gets cranky and needs a nap.

But, what the hell. It's Friday! The Oscars are upon us! I just had an awesome peanut-butter, banana, honey, and nutmeg sandwich! Everything's coming up roses. So I'll put Katie's hellacious houndstooth hammock to a Fug or Fab vote, because there's nothing like a little democracy to start your weekend right.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab: Katherine Heigl

Full disclosure. I love this coat. I love a kitschy, costume-y coat, especially if it looks like something Auntie Mame would wear to brunch to talk about all the money she's not leaving you until you clean up your act.

In fact, I have to be honest and admit that I might -- nay, totally would -- wear this whole thing, with sluttier shoes and different accessories. But I was discussing this very look with some people recently, and there seemed to be the thought that there's something about the huge string of pearls and the hair and the Giant Proffered Cig that pushes her right into Wackadoo Old Broad territory. Wackadoo Old Broad Just Exiting Manhattan Divorce Court, if you will. And while I unironically can't WAIT until I can legitimately be a Wackadoo Old Broad, I am.

polls by twiigs.com...

Fab AND Fug: Diane Kruger

So, there's a part in the book where we talk about Diane Kruger, and how sometimes she looks AMAZING, and sometimes she looks like she woke up in an alternate universe where everyone wears trash compactors as hats. That happened again this weekend.

First, we've got the fantastic:

I love that. I think she looks so chic and unusual and....you know, very Dramatic Gorgeous European Actress who bathes in alpaca milk and owns a leopard. In a good way.

But then, the next day the pendulum clearly swung into the other direction. The fully batshit crazy direction:

Well, the shoes are good, at least, right? And the skirt is great for those evenings when Big Bird really wants to go formal. But I  can't get behind the concept of Formal High Fashion Uptight Schoolgirl Maitre d'. I just can't. I feel like she's about to seat me at a crappy table right next to the bathroom and then smack me with her geometry book, and not in the sexy way. On either count.

Fug Or Fab: Kerry Washington

In theory, I think Kerry Washington's dress here is cute:

But am I crazy, or does it all seem about half a size too small? I want to both yank it down and pull it up. It's the Catch-22 of cocktail dresses.

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug Or Fab: Lindsay Lohan

On the pro side: no leggings. Red-esque hair. Mesmerizing cleavage:

On the con side: well....those giant tulle doily hip-wings come to mind, don't they?

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug Or Fab: KT Tunstall

Okay, first off, let's all just take a moment and acknowledge that this is what a bee would wear to a cocktail party:

That being said, I can see where someone might see this hanging on the rack and think, "god, I wish that were in other colors. But it's kind of cute. I might as well try it on." And then by the time you get it on, you're sort of enamored of its kookiness and it fits and your legs look good it in, and the next thing you know, you've got a fancy-ass bee dress in your closet. These things just happen.

polls by twiigs.com...

Grammy Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Nelly Furtado

As ever, I with Nelly Furtado would stop making that face on the red carpet like she just downed an entire roll of SweeTarts that had been marinating in lemon juice. But I will try and set that aside, as it might take a lifetime to deprogram that instinct from her and I have far too many seasons of The Wire to get through; instead, let's focus on the rest of it.

I've never liked the blonde hair on her. Especially here -- it looks like she dipped a comb in some peroxide and ran it through once before leaving. As for the gown, I think it's a perfect example of how all the romantic draping can backfire on a girl -- instead of making her look floaty, it pulls around her hips, gets all bunchy, and essentially makes you stare at her midsection trying to figure out what's her and what is courtesy of all those folds. She's looked better, is what I'm saying.

And she can't even stand comfortably in it without creating some weird, unflattering angles. Learn your angles, Nelly! Did Tyra Banks create magical, magical television for NOTHING? DO NOT MAKE TYRA'S LABOR IN VAIN.

I do, however, love the color.

It's like she came so close to a victory, but in the end,  has to settle for Miss Congeniality. Although in this case, it's Miss Biting The Insides Of Her Cheeks Because She Kind Of Wants To Cut That Bitch Who Won The Crown But Instead She Needs To Keep Smiling And Just Think About World Peace. So I'm throwing it open to the masses to see if the hue saved her or if nothing could -- or, if the world thinks she's a beacon of deliciousness and I should just let my tiny ship crash on the rocks and reveal my secret cargo of hot pants.  One thing's for sure, though: Based on that last sentence, I should not fug before I've had breakfast. Strange things happen.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab III: Lucy Liu

Truthfully, Lucy Liu herself doesn't look all bad here, as she herself is gorgeous and tiny and shiny-of-hair.

But I suspect she could do with a Hoo-Ha Mafia to swarm her at all times and ensure that she's not wearing a dress so fussy it's practically having a tantrum right there on the black carpet. We have: a bodice, a gray bow, a black bow, a skirt, and a second skirt with a whiff of waist-cape about it, almost like a backwards apron. If I find out that a dying orphan in Africa designed this dress so that she could wear it to this charity event, then maybe I will apply mental mercy later, but otherwise I feel like your clothes generally shouldn't be busier than you are. Oh, sure, she's got a show on the air right now, but I've seen a whole lot of Cashmere Mafia and I suspect it might be about to strap on some cement shoes and plunge into the Hudson River.

And yet, at least it's largely flattering... except for how all that stuff makes her look like she has no boobs, and I'm pretty sure that's not true (see: my aforementioned inability to watch Cashmere Mafia despite how much I want to punch the screen every time Miranda Otto purrs her lines like a really snobby cat). I'm at a crossroads. I think ultimately I have to fall on the "fug" side, though, if only because all that stuff looks randomly thrown in for effect rather than well-planned and visionary. Then again, I both didn't see Phillip Seymour Hoffman at Cynthia Rowley and THOUGHT I saw Michael Bolton the other day at a fashion show -- way, way off base on that one -- so maybe I need my eyesight checked.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab II: Camilla Belle

Conceptually, I think Camilla Belle looks lovely and chic, and pretty damn fortunate to get included on a star-studded guest-list such as the one for this Madonna event. And that color is gorgeous on her. But I just don't know if I can get behind a dress that's constructed to look like the tragic "before" picture in a static-cling commercial, as if the next shot we're going to see is of a  guest's horrified face because Camilla walked by her table, the tablecloth fused with her skirt, and dinner got dumped in everyone's laps while she waltzed on past.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab: Demi Moore

Here's a question for all you kindly readers out there: has Fashion Week just smashed my mind grapes into sad, bitter wine, or does Demi Moore appear to have woken up and decided that the person she really wants to resemble most is Mary-Kate Olsen?

I mean, on one hand, she's super gorgeous (and ought to be, I think she works her ass off on upkeep in a way that makes me tired to think about. Then I have another bowl of Cool Whip). And then on the other hand, she kind of looks like she got jumped by a 2006 Rachel Zoe and styled in a dark alley.

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Lake Bell

We've already mentioned how crappy the Lake Bell/Eva Longoria (Parker)/Paul Rudd flick Over Her Dead Body looks, like Paul Rudd tripped and fell into an ABC Family movie.  And I'm incline to extend the same judgment (crappy) to Lake Bell's look at the premiere:

I like that color on her, and she's certainly very pretty and well-toned, but I really really really am not a fan of those shoes and I suspect that in the final analysis she resembles nothing so much as a robot cocktail waitress. But my judgment might be clouded by the fact that I'm totally gripped with fear that, one day in the future, I'll be stuck on a plane watching this terrible movie with only the emergency exit doors as an escape.

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Kylie Minogue

Okay, so a lot of you were divided on whether Kylie looked great or ghastly -- we do love our alliteration here at GFY HQ -- in the purple outfit from last week. Since our polling function was down that day, I'm making it up to you with this little number; I'm curious to know whether the following will be just as divisive, or whether we will all soon be hugging each other and sobbing about how that gulf between us was simply too painful to endure.

[Photos: Splash News]

On the pro list: It fits her. The shoes are good, as are her shoulders. Her waist is tiny. She appears to have shaved her legs. Oh, and her face is mobile enough for an ear-splitting grin.

Cons: Its fabric resembles nothing so much as the upholstery on the patio deckchairs at the Scotsdale Golden-Age Retirement Villas and Shuffleboard Training Facility.

Oh, and there's one more.

Although this WAS once an award-winning bum, so perhaps the taffeta tourniquet was just somebody's way of deeming Kylie's backside Best In Show.

poll by twiigs.com

SAG Awards Fug Or Fab: Kate Hudson

The first thing that strikes me about this photo is how much Kate Hudson looks like her mother:

The second thing is how pale and wan and unenthusiastic she looks. The third thing is that I feel like she wears this sort of dress ALL THE TIME. There is certainly something to be said for wearing a style of clothes that works for you -- which is why I wear so many turbans -- but there is MORE to be said for wearing something that doesn't prompt the reaction, "is this picture from like six years ago?"

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Michelle Trachtenberg

Hey, I like Ice Princess as much as the next person - Math makes you skate better! Of course! This is why I can neither perform long division nor an axel of any sort! -- but that doesn't mean I approve of any cockamamie thing that shiny-haired Michelle Trachtenberg does to her poor innocent midsection:

Conceptually, I kind of like the Paper Bag Waist Thingie. In execution, it sort of feels like there's something very very wrong with her skirt and it MUST BE CONTAINED by that belt, or the WORLD WILL END.

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Kelly Osbourne

Oh, Kelly Osbourne. Part of me loves you in this -- black and blue! So French! So like a bruise, but in that "You Should See The OTHER Guy" kind of way! So flattering to your pretty skin! And part of me, I must confess, said, "is that a MEMBERS ONLY JACKET?" except I sort of said it in with a shamed "because I might need it" tone in my voice rather than the perhaps expected distain.

On the other hand, I fear that aggressively pleated hem may lead to disaster, in the form of cocktail weenies or cocktail shrimp or cocktail quiches falling off plates at parties and getting buried deep in there, unnoticed, only to be discovered later after a harrowing afternoon in which Kelly tears through her entire closet saying things like, "Something smells TERRIBLE in here! Did I step in dog shit? WHAT IS GOING ON?!"

I may be concerned about this because I recently found a potato chip in my bra. I had not eaten chips (yet) that day. Ergo, maybe this is just a touchy subject. I DON'T KNOW.

 

poll by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Katie Holmes

Despite the presence of Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah, I do not have hopes for Katie Holmes' big return to the multiplex, Mad Money. Let us remember that as madcap comedies go, Diane Keaton recently brought us Because I Said So; Queen Latifah, we have not forgotten Taxi, which was a blight on our souls even though we didn't actually see anything more than the preview. So, neither of you can be trusted unequivocally in this arena, and when you add into the mix Mrs. Cruise and a poster where you're chucking money into the air like you're Mary Tyler Moore at a strip club, it bodes poorly.

Still, at least Katie Holmes is interesting to talk about these days. In all the years I watched Dawson's Creek, I never particularly thought Joey Potter would ever make me think. She would make me enraged, irritated, annoyed, and at times murderous -- between Dawson and Pacey, or anyone and Pacey, THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS PACEY, fool -- but never thoughtful. So I'll say this for the post-Cruise Katie: She has achieved what I thought was impossible. I am actually pondering her fashion choices with more than just passing interest.

First, let's start with what worked at the Mad Money premiere.

She looks amazing: I never noticed how interesting her eyes are before, and whoever has commandeered her makeup bag is doing a bang-up job. [Although, just to prove she is human, Katie has thoughtfully gone and gotten a stray hair stuck in her lipstick. I feel that pain, sister. It's the curse of almost every gloss-loving girl in the world who's ever wandered into even the lightest breeze.]

Also, let it be known that I blame Katie Holmes in advance for any bad hair decisions I might make. That bob is so cute that I am liable to forget my hair is completely different than hers is, and that's how I'll accidentally wind up with the poodle version of this sleek coif, and it will be ALL HER FAULT. I hope she can live with herself.

Now for the part I'm less sure of:

Silver is a great choice, and the textures are very unusual, at least in photographs. Still, between the bodice that gives her a touch of the Posh around her boobs -- you know, jammed in there, considering a northward escape -- and the elaborate stitching around the waist, I'm not sure I entirely love the effect.  Around her hips especially, it seems uneven and easily pulled out of place. Trying to figure out what's up with it, and whether she's digging into a pocket with her right hand or just trying surreptitiously to scrape some stray baby food off her knuckles, distracts me from the big picture -- and frankly, it's not good for the furrow that's engraving itself into my forehead with more ferocity each passing hour.

And then there's the back.

And then there's Maude.

Okay, no, not really. Parenthetically, though, wouldn't it be awesome if Bea Arthur appeared out of the blue? Like if she could combine Passions and Pop-Up Video, making her disembodied head appear randomly to add color commentary for every situation? Her eyebrows would, I feel, sternly disapprove of the back of this dress resembling nothing so much as a giant satin tube top and a split zipper. And if I've learned anything in life, it's to fear the deployment of her mighty furrow.

poll by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Lucy Liu

First of all, can we discuss how TERRIBLE Cashmere Mafia is? It's like a high school film class project written by a trust fund kid who's decided to replicate Sex and the City, but with more slapstick and less heart. So the production values are great, but it's chock-full of groaners like, "she's wishing him BONE voyage," re: a character who's having pre-business trip sex with her husband. Also, everyone has seemingly been instructed to purr her lines, except for poor Bonnie Somerville, who has already knocked heads (literally) with the object of her affection and for some reason occasionally speaks with a Tough New York accent. I guarantee you her character will, at some point, find herself locked out of her hotel room naked.  It's worse than The Starter Wife. By a lot. I'm just saying.

But, Lucy Liu's hair is really cute in it -- even if she does dress like someone who spent all her grad school years watching Sex and the City and trying to make her friends refer to her inappropriate boyfriend as Mr Big (Pat Field strikes again) -- and I like her, so it's nice to see her making the rounds again. Or is it?

[Photo: Splash News]

Is this fun (the gloves! the color!) or just plain old crazy (the twenty minutes you'd spend standing in your undies, staring at it and trying to figure out how exactly to put it on without accidentally getting your head woven through the bodice)?

poll by twiigs.com...

Critics' Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Fug or Fab: Brad and Angie

I don't know about you, but the first thing I thought when I saw this picture was, "HOLY [REDACTED FOR THE CHILDREN], BRAD HAS HAIR!" I totally forgot that newsboy hat of his isn't permanently attached to his head.  (That being said, as you probably already know, Brad is now selling versions of That Newsboy Hat of His through his charity Make It Right, which is helping rebuild the Lower 9th Ward in New Orleans, which got hit badly by Hurricane Katrina. In addition to being a very worthy cause, there is a video of Brad posted on that site in which he a) wears that newsboy hat of his and b) is simultaneously screamingly hot and all CARING about HUMANITY and stuff, which is really hard for me to resist. And! Since I'm already going all parenthetical on you here, do you think it's possible that Lindsay Lohan could possibly see the success Brad has had selling his hats and start selling a line of leggings to benefit something she really cares about? Like...the care and upkeep of Kitson or something? Here's hoping.)

What was I talking about? Ah, yes -- Brad and Angie and Brad's lush head of hair and luxurious display of gray-toned checks:

I don't know.  There's something about this suit that squeals, "sexy English professor who will peer at you intently as he takes off his glasses and mutters something like,  'Your understanding of Yeats is unparalleled.  I never thought to find such a brilliant mind in such a beautiful woman. God, this is so unprofessional of me -- SO WRONG -- yet I MUST KISS YOU,' and then you guys run off to Capri, where he writes things and you do a lot of standing on the balcony in glamourous tunics drinking Kir Royales whilst being flatteringly backlit." I can't resist that. I LOVE Kir Royales.

As for Angelina, while she often wears black, I also suspect that her look could be a preview of the It Wouldn't Be Right To Be All Wildly Gussied Up At An Event During The Writers Strike epidemic that may currently be sweeping closets all over Hollywood.  Jewel-toned cocktail frocks languish in closets throughout the 310! There is a mad run on somber dresses and black shoes! Starlets compete to look The Most Seriously Appropriate! And I guess that could be fun, too. You just know Bai Ling will show up somewhere in a nun's habit, and everyone wins when that happens.

polls by twiigs.com...

Fug or Fab: Drew Barrymore

We've gotten a few emails this morning, wondering what the verdict is on Drew Barrymore's dress for the Palm Springs Something Something Film Something Something Awards. I believe some of these emails used the word, "seat belt," and some used the phrase "Girl Scout Merit Badge Sash." But a few of them also used the words, "I dunno. I still kind of like it."

I don't know, readers. Maybe my brain is waterlogged from all the rain we got here in Los Angeles over the weekend (and, word to the wise: in inclement weather, be VERY MINDFUL of whether you are hitting the "interior car light" button, or the "open sunroof" button, or you may be in for a wet surprise), but despite having a strong whiff of Bondage Night Tog