June 09, 2005
What You Fuggin' For?
I love it when people wear their skirts in such a way that there is little or no real estate between the waist and the armpits:
Does she just have the worst static-cling imaginable, or did Gwen Stefani just come from making out with the school rebel underneath the bleachers? Those are some third-base wrinkles on that skirt...
... And, Gwen, way to sneak in those infamous leggings. Don't think we didn't notice, lady. You're not that fair-skinned.
March 28, 2005
I think La Stefani needs her own category, don't you?
She looks like a deranged showgirl, sneaking out the stage door after her performance in the widely panned Evita: The Hot Pants Years.
March 09, 2005
If I Were a Fug Girl
I'm having conflicting emotions:
[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb]
Am I overcome with relief about the fact that Gwen has finally, apparently, jettisoned her posse of silent Japanese schoolgirls? Or am I deeply disturbed that she's apparently decided that her new look is Toga Party Chic? Does this mean that she's going to trade the schoolgirls in for for a bunch of drunk frat boys, draped in old Star Wars bed sheets, doing beer bongs and keg stands on the red carpet? And what does it say about me that I'd sort of prefer that? And that by "sort of," I mean, "totally"?
February 14, 2005
Grammy Telecast: Fug Stefani
Lately, Gwen Stefani has been scaring the hell out of me with her Harajuku obsession, and her insistence on styling her hair as if a vulture attacked from above and briefly became ensnared in her coif.
But I still trusted her not to ruin some things. Specifically, pirates. Everyone loves a pirate. And yet somehow, it never occured to me that Ms. Love Angel Music Fugly might want to pay tribute to them by making an unholy marriage of The Crazy and pirate chic... but, here she is on stage at the Grammys performing alongside Eve:
Eve, I believe, symbolizes the pirate's booty, even if she appears to have dieted her booty into oblivion. But she looks fine, if a little bit overeager for somebody to use her birth canal as a periscope (I hear if you look up it, you actually end up seeing things through her eyes).
And Gwen, singing her wretchedly bastardized "If I Were A Rich Man" cover, is apparently the pillaging swashbuckler -- except she looks like she's George Washington, rolling in after a night on the moonshine and drunkenly wondering where he left his pantaloons.
If only this photo showcased the effect when Gwen turned around and shook her ass -- which was, she looked like she was wearing a cloth diaper. And not a clean one. She seems happy about joining Sheryl Crow in the new "I'm A Twiggy, Muscular Shadow Of My Former Already-Thin Self" trend, but... does she have to shimmy around on-stage like a crocodile just coughed her up whole?
November 29, 2004
I think Gwen Stefani has maybe lost her mind a little bit:
She doesn't look like she's cleverly interpreting Japanese baby-doll fashion, which I believe was her intent. Yes, she's performing on-stage, but... where are the three rings? Where's the Big Top? Where's the ringmaster? She looks like she belongs on a tightrope, or standing on the back of a white horse with a feather sticking out of the crown atop her head -- or pinned to a target while a man in tights and a handlebar mustache hurls knives at her giggling body.
What is it, Gwen? Why the weird? Is it the stress of your solo album? The heady drunk power of having your own fashion line? The strange, all-consuming curiosity about your real-life quasi-"Billie Jean" scenario, and whether your husband knew that the kid was his daughter, and just didn't tell you?
Whatever it is, we hope you pull through it. Go get a massage or something. Get a facial. Then return to your closet and put a little sanity back into the clothes. This Minnie Mouse-meets-"Alice In Wonderland"-meets-Hooker Circus thing isn't really working.