July 12, 2004
Two Duffs Are Fuglier Than One
Dear Duffs: Please stop trying to foist upon us your other and less attractive spawn, Haylie (left). It's bad enough that we have to deal with Lizze McGuire mistakenly believing she's the cutest of the tween queens, and being deluded into thinking she has actual musical talent. Her singing voice sounds as if she is speaking the words through a kazoo; if the rumor about Haylie secretly doing some of the vocals on Hilary's album is true, then both their mouths should be duct-taped in perpetuity.
If you insist on trying to make the public remember that Haylie even exists -- without forcing her to go brunette, like Asslee Simpson and Nicky Hilton and all the other forgotten blonde siblings -- then please warn her to cease and desist trying to reinvent old bridesmaid's dresses by adding pants to the mix. That outfit is a nightmare.
In related news: Chad Michael Murray has reimagined himself as a fugly hybrid of Ryan Phillippe and David Beckham.
Oy. Close your mouth, Hilary.