June 07, 2005

The Fug.C.

On the Olsen scale, with 1 being "adorably quirky" and 10 being "homeless, deranged, and overly swaddled," Rachel Bilson is quickly approaching a 7 -- which roughly translates to, "Unauthorized use of layers/ill-advised dash of Brat Pack Envy."

Her co-star Mischa Barton isn't faring much better. Although she's eschewed  the popular "wear everything resemblng anything" approach to getting dressed, she has veered sharply into Don Johnson's closet:

The linen pants, were they the right size, could pass. But with those two matching, reedy suspenders that are about as helpful to the trousers as her skin is in covering up that collarbone... well, they are something of a baffling, baggy problem. Hopefully, the bags Brandon is pretending he enjoys carrying all contain garments that don't make her look like she is a pair of designer waders and a bait hook away from her very own bass fishing calendar.

Posted by Heather at 08:56 AM in Mischa Barton/The O.C. | Permalink

March 30, 2005

Rachel Fugson


[Photo courtesy of Lime-light.org.]

Who told Rachel Bilson she looked cute in this? Was it Mischa? It must have been Mischa. Rachel: NEVER LISTEN TO MISCHA. Her boyfriend is a walking flake of dandruff.

I wish this were a better shot of the full outfit, but even at this angle, I can tell that it's bringing me pain. Each piece looks like she stole it from a costume department: that white thing would seem to be petticoat-esque, as if it's never actually supposed to see the light of day because Dr. Quinn's best surgical dress always goes over it, and that vest feels like Pa Ingalls would be fixin' for a tantrum if he found out she'd ganked it from his trunk. It's four sizes too big.

Don't dress like a dumpster-diver, Rachel. You're too cute for that. And it's not like shirts at Forever 21 cost more than twelve dollars -- splurge a little, okay? If you need help, give us a ring.

But don't call Mischa.

Posted by Heather at 02:18 PM in Mischa Barton/The O.C. | Permalink | Comments (73)

March 11, 2005

Is This Because I'm a Fugbian?

Mischa, Mischa, Mischa. This is getting somewhat pathetic.

If you want my attention so badly, just email me. I'd love to chat with you! I have ever so many questions. How greasy IS Brandon? Do you want to kill yourself everytime you're forced to double with Jason Davis and Courtney Peldon? Or do you just want to kill her and dump her body in the river? Is she just impossible to talk to? What does she do all day? Could you find out for me? How do you feel about the direction The OC is going this year? Don't you think last night's episode was like a potential 9th season episode of 90210 that Aaron Spelling dismissed as being too hacky? And yet, at the same time, do you not love Julie Cooper-Nichol? Isn't she the only thing keeping you from switching over to Survivor? Do you actually wear Keds? What's the square root of 436? Seriously, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? Did it come like that, or is it one of your own designs? Weren't you proud that your number wasn't in Paris's Sidekick? Is you hair naturally very fine, because it looks like it might be? If so, how do you get it to hold a curl, because I just can't do that? Did all the mirrors in your house break? Are you suprised that the more I fug you, the more i start to like you because you have such amusing facial expressions? Have you thought about using those expressions when you're acting? Can you believe that I like your shoes? Do you want to go to the Coffee Bean?

And so forth.

So, really, there's no call to try to get my attention like this. Because you really are just starting to look a bit deranged.

Posted by Jessica at 01:20 PM in Mischa Barton/The O.C. | Permalink | Comments (93)

March 08, 2005

Califugia

Okay, Mischa, are you taunting me? Because you kind of look like you want a piece of me. Like you're saying, "come and get me, bitch. I'm ready for you. Bring it on. Let's see what you've got."

Is that what you're doing? Is this a conscious ploy for my attention? A cry for help? Or is this some kind of sartorial version of You Got Served? Is this like the part where the kid spins around on his head, except the spinning has been replaced by purple velour sweatpants worn -- sweet God, no -- with a RICK-RACK SEQUINED CARDIGAN?

Do you REALLY want to do this to yourself, Mischa? Do you really want to hurt me? Do really want to make me cry? Do you want to make my eyes bleed? What other reason could you possibly have for dressing like your boyfriend's grandmother,  Barbara Davis, from the waist up? Not to mention the fact that, according to W magazine, Barbara Davis raises kajillions of dollars for charity each year and when she sees you in those pants, she may very well think the you need some of that money to BUY YOURSELF PANTS THAT ARE APPROPRIATE TO WEAR WITH A CARDIGAN and, oh, will it be embarrassing when she tries to write you a check at brunch next week.

My only theory -- other than the I Am Going to Wear The Craziest Outfit I Can Think of Out Shopping So As to Taunt The Fug Girls HAHAHAHHAHA COME AND GET ME FUG GIRLS I AM SO READY FOR YOU SO BRING IT! Theory -- is that, at some point en route to the Grove, Mischa spilled a Slurpie on her regular pants and had to fish her old Lounge Around The House Watching Lifetime and Eating Peanut Butter With a Spoon grubbies out of the trunk so as to avoid going pantsless in public.

Look, Mischa: I am trying to help you out. I sort of like Marissa now that she's a lesbian, so I'd like to throw you a bone. BUT YOU ARE NOT MAKING IT EASY FOR ME. LOOK AT HOW SHOUTY I AM.

Couldn't you at least have bought some pants? WORK WITH ME,  KID.

Posted by Jessica at 09:00 AM in Mischa Barton/The O.C. | Permalink | Comments (94)

March 02, 2005

Oscar Post-Party Fugshion: Mischa Barton


[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Mischa Barton seems not to realize that when you're going to an Oscar party, you don't have to dress like Oscar's sister. Although maybe she got the dress from the gift bag -- it certainly looks like the kind of gold cellophane wrap that would line a vat of expensive freebies.

Mischa's sister, incidentally, looks amusingly humiliated.

Posted by Heather at 10:57 AM in Mischa Barton/The O.C., Oscars | Permalink | Comments (79)

January 21, 2005

Mischa Fugton

Somehow, in a way I can't articulate, Mischa Barton looks like something you might find in a Bed, Bath and Beyond:

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[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Now, I like the color. I think I also like the shoes. But the dress has an unfortunate "tulle lampshade" look to it, which might not matter, if the dress didn't also add her to the list of people who put on strapless things that make their breasts look like they're sinking like stones. Not to mention that it exposes those kicky tan lines stamped on her torso.

Posted by Heather at 02:28 PM in Mischa Barton/The O.C. | Permalink | Comments (23)

January 04, 2005

At Least She's Not Wearing THE HAT

My dear Mischa,

I thought you said your New Year's Resolution was to wear fewer sequins.

Giving up so soon? Or was this photo snapped prior to the first of the year, and this is your Farewell to Sequins swansong? In which case, way to go out with a bang, sweetpea.

I admire your sense of adventure, fashion-wise, but don't you think this might be a little bit much, you know, for a beach cover-up? Maybe it's a little....clash-y? I mean, there's a lot going on there. You look a little bit like a slot machine, all bright blinking lights and distracting spangles and sparkly trim.

I must admit, however, that your ice cream cone looks divine. Chocolate-dipped cone? Well played, my dear. Well played, indeed.

Posted by Jessica at 10:05 AM in Mischa Barton/The O.C. | Permalink | Comments (10)

December 08, 2004

Welcome To The Fug Blog, Bitch, II: The Fuggening

Thanks to the efforts of one our helpful -- and, in this case, extremely brave --readers, we can now present the entire horror of Mischa "Marissa Cooper Dresses Funny" Barton's misguided, bow-encrusted previously-mocked fashion atrocity:

Behold, the ill-fitting trousers. I've seen sexier pants on the PGA Senior Tour:

And the piece de resistance, The Bow:

As Summer would say, "ew."

Posted by Jessica at 04:24 PM in Mischa Barton/The O.C. | Permalink | Comments (5)

December 06, 2004

Welcome to the Fug Blog, Bitch

Regular readers of Go Fug Yourself are aware that we generally only feature fugly ensembles that celebrities have put together for themselves, or with the help of stylists, for personal appearances or premieres or trips to the 7-11 for Cheetos, Britney. But sometimes there will appear on the televised landscape an ensemble so truly heinous, so utterly unspeakable, so completely ungodly that we can not, in good conscience, stay silent. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you Mischa Barton:




[Photos from http://www.theoc.blogger.com.br]

I only wish I could have unearthed a screencap which gave you a full length view of those pants. Which had tapered legs. And were basically jodhpurs. Jodhpurs! Paired with what appears to be Seinfeld's infamous puffy shirt, worn under a sweater vest (!!), adorned by an enormous broach. Be grateful, however, that I have spared you a full shot of the newsboy cap -- an accessory I considered a welcome casualty of the end of Sex and the City -- which featured an enormous green satin bow on the back. An enormous green satin bow so enormous and satin and green that I have no idea what Mischa Barton and the Yard Guy were talking about during the scene in which said bow was revealed, because I was so fixated on it's enormity, satinness and greenitude. [I suspect the dialogue was something along the lines of:

Mischa: I am incredibly wooden.
Yard Guy: I am the only actor in Hollywood more wooden than you are.
Mischa: I know, it's amazing they found someone with less affect than me.
Yard Guy: Am I supposed to look distraught here?
Mischa: I don't know. I just look as blank as possible all the time.

Yard Guy: Do we make out now?
Mischa: I don't care.]

There is but one explanation for this outfit, and it is that the costume person for The OC has a jihad against Mischa Barton, stemming from some terrible crime Ms Barton has committed against said costume person, like burning down the costume person's house, or killing her dog in a ritual sacrifice and drinking its blood in the middle of the FOX commissary. If this jihad is not addressed by the powers that be over there at The OC, I suspect we may eventually be forced to endure a scene in which Marissa shows up at an event wearing jams and a Fez.

Posted by Jessica at 11:31 AM in Mischa Barton/The O.C. | Permalink | Comments (9)

November 04, 2004

Mischa Fugton

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Did Mischa Barton's ankles misbehave? They must have aggrieved or otherwise embarrassed her in some way. How else to explain the fact that she's shackling them with her ankle straps and then making them suffer through tapered pants that bunch up at the foot and tuck into part of her shoe?

I'm also wondering why her grandmother's best beaded cardigan is making a cropped and ill-fitting appearance around her shoulders. The damn thing looks like a mortuary's powder-room curtains.

Posted by Heather at 05:51 PM in Mischa Barton/The O.C. | Permalink | Comments (15)