May 22, 2008
NYFug.com: The New ‘90210’ Commits the Ultimate Sin: Bad Fashion
So, as you can imagine, we were STOKED about the new 90210. What's not to love? But judging from the recently released promo for the spin-off/sequel/update/remix/whatever we're calling it, it's going to be more of a case of, what's not to love to hate? First off, the clothes are terrible, albeit in a potentially hilarious way. For another, it already feels deeply boring:
"Not even Tristan Wilds, a.k.a. Michael from The Wire, can explain why his character is interesting except for "the way he adapts to Beverly Hills." (Couldn't he have tossed off something like, "Oh, just the way he sold a baby for a Dior phone"?) On 90210: Days of Yore, Emily Valentine slipped drugs into Brandon's drink, then poured gasoline on a parade float and threatened arson when he dumped her. You want this to be appointment television? Give us the sense there's something comparable up these people's designer sleeves."
PS: Just so we're clear -- we're obviously going to watch it. You know that, right? We haven't suffered identical head injuries or anything.
May 15, 2008
Well, ANTM X is officially in the books, and although there was nary an endearing/terrifying/jaw-dropping nutter like C6's Jade in the bunch -- tranny-lite Dominique came closest, but get back to us when she's writing beat poetry in the confessional -- the cycle yielded three fairly well-matched finalists who actually TALKED to each other instead of sitting around eating breakfast in sullen silence. Over at New York's site, we debated the merits of the big finale.
Jessica: I especially enjoyed the moment when Miss J was like, "OF COURSE WHITNEY HAS ISSUES! SHE SO FAT!" And Tyra had to step in and be like, "She is only MODEL FAT. Not REALLY fat."
Heather: Now that's a PSA in the making.
Jessica: I do think I've learned a valuable lesson. I'm not sure what it is, but I know it's valuable.
In a show of love for our overseas readers, we won't say who won, because we're feeling charitable today. But if you want to catch the rest of our impressions of the victor, her two bounced competitors, and the overall episode, click on over to read the full column.
May 14, 2008
NYFug.com: Handicapping the Top Model Finale
We KNOW you're prepping for tonight's Top Model finale the usual way: plucking your brows, practicing your fiercest walk and preparing your signature eggplant dip, Banksa ghanoush. Care to make it....interesting? Yeah, that's right. Are you, like Kenny Rogers, a Gambler? Because we're laying odds at NY Mag.com:
"You know Tyra has been itching to anoint a girl with curves, and frankly, we're similarly rooting for Whitney to pull the upset — if for no other reason than to imagine the outrage from beanpole advocates like ex-judge Janice Dickinson. After all, if the show can’t produce an actual top model, the least it can do is stir up a little tabloid drama."
On the other hand, do we really think she'll win? Not entirely. See how the handicapping shakes out at NY Mag.com. (But BE WARNED: The comments to this post already contain alleged spoilers, so don't scroll down to read them if you want to go in fresh and clean!)
May 09, 2008
NYFug.com: The Fug Awards: The Best and Worst of the Costume Institute Gala
Face it: An event isn't really an event unless someone is handing out awards. So you're welcome, Met Ball. You're welcome. Sure, the awards we're handing out this week on NY Mag.com are totally facetious, but aren't those the most fun? For example:
"Best Befuddlement: If life were The Hills, Maggie Gyllenhaal's dress would be the Justin Bobby to our Audrina: Even though it felt wrong, we kept going back for more."
May 02, 2008
NYFug.com: Everyone, Please Chill About Miley
So, despite our fears that we're prematurely crotchety, it turns out we're not changing our byline to "The Fug Crones" just yet. (Emphasis on YET.) While everyone else in the world seems to be freaking out about spying Miley Cyrus's bared back on the cover of Vanity Fair, we're left scratching our heads and yawning and wishing everyone would just relax, already. For one thing, this is totally a teen-dream rite of passage --I mean, Britney wrote a whole SONG about being not a girl, not yet a woman, AND wore her panties on Rolling Stone -- but for another, compared with what's come before Miley, is this picture really so scandalous?
A simple backless portrait taken in the presence of her parents or minders by a respected female photographer — without a single nip slip or sultry licked lip in sight — is practically a Puritanical achievement [by Young Hollywood standards]. Plus, Miley herself isn't pregnant, smoking crack, tattooing the name of an unwashed rock-star boyfriend on her boob, or licking bananas at a lad-mag-sponsored shindig. The public freak-out just doesn't fit the crime.
If you want to read our full defense of Miley, then browse on over to the full article: "Calm Down, Everyone: Miley's Just Following The Script."
April 24, 2008
And we're back! Hope you all had an awesome week, full of smiting your enemies, unexpected gifts, and brownies. We're slowly getting back up to speed -- honestly, for all we know, Britney might have run off with Vladimir Putin in our absence, though we imagine someone would have texted us -- but you can catch up with our latest NY Mag.com piece, in which we once more look to the "fashion" of The Hills:
" Say what you will about Lauren Conrad's collection — we called it tragique — but at least she studies fashion; when Heidi attended FIT (tellingly, for a day, before quitting), it was to learn about PR, making Heidiwood the equivalent of having once typed up a recipe and auditioning for Top Chef. Naturally, we had to investigate — the kind of up-close and terrifying recon that can only come from trying Heidi’s wares on our brave, implant-free selves."
Learn exactly how bad it was here. You guys, we're talking one-inch inseams. FOR REAL.
April 10, 2008
Admit it: you REALLY want to check out the newly-updated versions of the Sweet Valley High books. We hear you. Which is why we ran out as soon as they were released and gobbled them up like fries at the Dairi Burger (now called "Casa del Sol," like, whatever. It's always the Dairi Burger to US), and reported back for NY Mag. Turns out all the terrible, terrible 80s clothes have gone the way of 1BRUCE1, which is to say: into ancient history. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Seriously, we really miss 1BRUCE1). Also:
"Back in the day, falsely accused student-romancer Ms. Dalton "never looked prettier" than when chaperoning a dance in her long velvet skirt, an old-fashioned blouse with "lots of ruffles and tucks," and a fake rose pinned over one ear. To avoid modern-day confusion that she is either Amish or a refugee from Anne of Green Gables, she now wears an eggplant sheath. What, no leggings?"
March 28, 2008
Essentially, while we truly do love Lady Bobbington and her reign of terror at Vogue, we sort of hate the annual "Shape" issue. It's so phony:
"Despite presumably good intentions, the shape issue feels more like Vogue trying to bum a ride on a politically correct bandwagon, and our girl A-Dubs is a particularly lousy hitchhiker. Her editor’s letter boldly blames designers for using scrawny models to present “a non-vivacious, homogenous ideal,” then steps all over that, in its attempt to homogenize zaftig designers Kate and Laura Mulleavy of Rodarte by offering them a free four-month diet and exercise plan."
Oh, Anna. If you're coming for the designers now, are the bloggers NEXT? YOU WILL TEAR THE POTATO CHIPS FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS! More of the same here.
March 20, 2008
Reedy, seedy Kate Moss is still at it, designing clothes for British retailer Topshop, and through the mercy of the Interwebs we can pore over the new pieces in her line that will also be available stateside at Barneys. As far as we can tell, it's going to be great... if you like really ugly shirts:
Standout disasters in that vein include a blue “star print blouse” that we’re pretty sure Bea Arthur once wore on Maude, and a silk monochrome mess called a “clown frill long-sleeved top,” which is guaranteed to suck in all those ladies who’ve long dreamed of a gig making balloon animals at the Met Costume Institute Ball.
If you want to see a handful of pictures and read the rest of our take on Kate's continued foray into designing, check out the full article, "Dear Kate: Those Who Do Not Learn From A Topshop Line..."
March 12, 2008
Last night, Heather and I went to Lauren Conrad's fashion show at Los Angeles Fashion Week. We truly went into the tents expecting the clothes to be cute. You know, in the way where we'd buy one of the dresses, and then people would be all, "that is cute!" and we'd sort of whisper, "I know! It's Lauren Conrad," and then the other person would be all "REALLY? No kidding!" and we'd be all, "I know! Who knew?" and then they'd say, "I kind of like her," and we'd be like, "I know, me too." And then we'd have drinks.
Sadly, it was not to be, as we share with the readers of NYMag.com, and, of course, with you:
Let’s just say…there were berets involved, and, overall, the collection was sadly kind of tragique.
Oh, Lauren. First you have all that drama with Heidi and now this. Will you EVER WIN?