March 06, 2008
It's always a sad day when you wake up and realize....there is no more Project Runway to be had. Not for God knows how long. How are you supposed to deal with that? American Idol does not feature a gorgeously-banged German supermodel, no matter what Paula claims. On the other hand, the finale last night might have been maybe a little....well, a wee bit dull. In the second of this week's one-two punch for NY Mag.com, we muse that:
It might have worked if Chris March had donned a mask and made a second collection in the basement of Parsons and then haunted Bryant Park. And kidnapped Posh.
I think you'll agree we have a point. We know you're hungover from last night's pitcher of Tim Gunn-tinis, but once you wipe the sleep from your eyes and feel human again, read the rest of our take on the Project Runway finale on The Cut.
March 05, 2008
Thank the sweet heavens above that we have finally reached the glamorous dawn of Project Runway Finale Day. In keeping with glorious tradition (er, sort of; we've done this once before), Heather and I set odds on the winner for NY Mag.com:
Jillian Lewis: 25-1. Jillian is certainly talented, but the problem with her collection is the same problem we had with her as a contestant: SNORE. She’s possibly the first robot ever to make it on to a competitive reality show.
See what else we had to say about that little cyborg, and her competitors Rami and Christian on NYMag.com's The Cut.
February 22, 2008
Thank Fugging God, It's The Oscars
To celebrate the fact that the Night of a Thousand Stars is coming to us as originally scheduled, we'll be live-blogging the red-carpet shenanigans for New York's Web site, starting when the festivities do at 6 p.m. Eastern time and continuing right up until they shove the last desperate, gowned celebrity inside for the ceremony.
If you want to read along with us, this link will -- at the appointed time -- take you to us, and of course on Monday we'll have our usual coverage right here on GFY. We are so excited we might plow through TWO wheels of Brie.
And at least one of these.
Chris Gorham not included. Tragically.
We're all for Miss Tyra torturing a fresh crop of girls every cycle on Top Model, but some glories need to be experienced twice. Like Jade, that batshit leftover lady who assured us that elephants are in the dinosaur family, or Questionably Blind Amanda. So we put together a list of twelve girls we'd love to see face off in an All-Star season. Essentially, if you ever wanted to hear Elyse give a confessional about Jade, this could make that dream come beautifully, condescendingly, eloquently true.
Jade, Cycle 6: Too old to compete, too crazy to ignore: Jade is the cream of this show’s deluded crop. Remember her in-house rampage with panties on her head? The beat poetry? That dragalicious Cover Girl ad? The hideous aging-poodle-style makeover with shockingly fierce pictures? Jade once told housemate Furonda, “One day I’m going to write a book, and you should read it, because you might learn something.” Please, God, if ANTM won’t have her back, just publish that book.
To check out the other eleven we picked, check out "Our ANTM All-Star Dream Team" on NYMag.com's The Cut.
February 01, 2008
We all know Tom Brady is hot. No, it's true. It's kind of unavoidable. But he's not the only quarterback playing in the Super Bowl this weekend -- football rules inconveniently dictate that the other team must put one under center as well -- and thus it's not fair that Tommy Boy snags all the attention. So, as both sports fans and voyeurs of attractive gentlemen, we turned our attention to Eli Manning vs. Tom Brady to see which one has the edge in all areas. Including where those spandex pants are concerned.
TABLOID APPEAL: Tom Brady has been all over the rags this year, thanks to his baby-mama drama with Bridget Moynahan and his ensuing photo-friendly relationship with Gisele. Whereas we only know from Wikipedia that Eli Manning is engaged; "Giants QB Really Digs College Sweetheart" probably won't move any magazines unless he knocks her up with some baby joy. At Tom Brady's house.
If you'd care to see how these boys stack up in other ways, check out "The Fug Girls: But Who Do You Take Home To Mama AFTER The Super Bowl?"
January 25, 2008
We're not sure how the folks behind the Razzies do it, but somehow, they manage to distill a whole year of Hollywood hackery into just a few nominees for its awards celebrating the very worst in film. And since the one thing we haven't missed about this somewhat aborted awards season is the industry's aura of self-congratulation, we couldn't help but weigh in as to who we think will walk away with what is arguably the statuette in this town most richly deserved by its winner than any other.
Worst Supporting Actor Nominees: Orlando Bloom, Kevin James, Eddie Murphy, Rob Schneider, Jon Voight.
Not to ruin his moment, but we dispute Orlando's inclusion: He looked smoking hot in Yet More Pirates of the Caribbean, and that's truly the most supportive an actor can be. Chuck & Larry's problems go way beyond poor Kevin James, and, let's face it, there's no way Rob Schneider was any worse in that than he is in anything else. That leaves Jon Voight in Bratz (oy) and Eddie Murphy as Mr. Wong in Norbit, another of those parts he hogs because he's a whore for latex makeup. But it's Voight's Razzie to lose, if only because seeing his name next to the word "bratz" makes us want to crawl back into the womb.
If you're in the mood to see what we make of the other acting nominees, click here to read the rest of the piece.
January 18, 2008
Crazy Tom Cruise is back in the news, thanks to what is allegedly a Scientology indoctrination video from 2004 that got yanked off You Tube and then reposted by Defamer (and is now the subject of a copyright-infringement lawsuit of some kind; we're not sure, as we're currently trying to bleach most of the video from our brains so we're too busy to look it up). Seriously, it's 9 minutes of creepy. Some of which might be the editing, in how it smashes together his statements without giving the preceding question, but most of it is from Cruise's wicked cocktail of intensity, oddball charisma, deranged cackling, and directionless rambling.
We wrote a bit about it for New York's web site this week.
Obviously, the world will never embrace Tom Cruise as the same dreamboat from the Top Gun poster tacked above our beds in junior high. That guy didn’t jump on Oprah’s couch, or engage Matt Lauer in a war of words about whose knowledge of psychiatry was more encyclopedic. He was not, at least publicly, the guffawing nutjob we see on this latest Scientology leak. His sweaty, intense proclamations of infatuation with meek little Katie Holmes officially turned our girlhood crush into someone we feared encountering in a dark furniture store (or a shrink’s office). Next time we play MASH, Tom Cruise is so totally off the “husband” list.
There is always a "but," though -- if you're so inclined, click through to "Tom Cruise: Crazy Like A Fugging Fox?" to see what we had to say about whether Andrew Morton's sure-to-be-bestselling, sadly-n0t-all-that-muckraking, still-totally-unauthorized biography might help or hurt the Cruise camp.
January 10, 2008
As everyone reading this blog surely knows, Sunday was originally Golden Globes day -- a carbs-fueled couch-a-thon in honor of that most glorious and drunken of awards shows, where the honorees are more likely than not to accept their statuette through a delicious red-wine haze and may or may not choose to adjust their push-up bras in front of everyone. With the show scuttled due to the strike, we couldn't help but use this week's New York Fugging City column to wonder OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CLOTHES?!?!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!!!!!
"Usually, this is the time when we’re stocking up on Ruffles and dip in preparation for an evening on the couch, wondering if Cate Blanchett will wear Armani (possibly) or something metallic (probably) and laying bets on whether Nicole Kidman’s inevitable Balenciaga will successfully make her look less waxen (doubtful). But this year, no ceremony means no fashion parade: no hits, no misses, no Marchesa. Fine, the sacrifice is all in the name of union labor and whatnot — but will no one think of the outfits?"
Check out the rest, if you're so inclined, here.
January 03, 2008
Everybody loves a makeover. Even the terrible ones on America's Next Top Model. There are few things as satisfying for celebrity voyeurs -- or Biggest Loser addicts -- as a good before-and-after shot to show how far someone's come. Hey, it worked for Katie Holmes last year, right? Nobody even TALKS about Teaching Mrs. Tingle any more (not that we've forgotten about it, KATIE and HELEN MIRREN -- we have memories like elephants). All anyone wants to discuss is what she's wearing and whether the haircut works.
So this week in our "New York Fugging City" column, we suggest stars who could use a little extra style mojo to propel them through 2008:
"It says something about Jessica Simpson that we can’t remember anything about her wardrobe except that it’s generally too small for her. If anyone needs the restorative power of some flattering new outfits, it’s a woman whose last two movies were both deemed too heinous for wide release."
Check out the rest here: "The Fug Girls' Official Celebrity-Style Mandates For 2008."