Well Played, Mariah Carey; Not So Much, Patti LaBelle

Maybe my heart is just soft because the drama of a sudden wedding is supremely soapy, or because Mimi has turned both her bodyguard and her new husband into frantic wranglers of gargantuan umbrellas. But I think she looks fantastic here.

[Photo: Splash News]

How cute is that? I don't CARE if the wedding may have been a giant publicity stunt to help her single, or to remind the world that her video co-star Nick Cannon still exists (I had, as a matter of fact, happily forgotten). She seems happy, and I like my Mariah smiling and divalicious, not tragic and sad and fatigued and speaking in tongues. So I choose to believe it's real, and that in ten years the Carey-Cannons will be cuddling adorable babies and skipping down Rodeo Drive shopping for shoes -- and possibly purchasing and coaching a youth soccer team they can call the Carey Cannons,  because it sort of works -- instead of subjecting the reality-TV audience to copious icky conversations about the functionality of her bowels (Whitney and Bobby, I will never, ever forgive you).

Also, I want that coat-dress. It's WAY better than the one her fellow big-voiced diva Patti LaBelle recently whipped out on-stage:

If someone dared me to turn I Know What You Did Last Summer into a cocktail dress, this is what I would sketch. She could fit at least three meathooks under there -- perfect for when you need to embed one or two of the others into people's chest cavities.

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Well Played, Camilla Belle

Even though she's been at major events in New York City, Camilla Belle is still essentially an up-and-coming starlet to the rest of the world -- we'd seen her at Fashion Week for two years without knowing what her deal was, because 10,000 B.C. hadn't come out yet. And while I think I'd be tempted in her position to show up in something with maximum wackitude just for the hell of it, I still think she made a very savvy choice with this dress.

It's elegant but not boring: The icy color is gorgeous on her, the cut is romantic, and the extra flourishes are unusual without being scary. Now someone just needs to put her in a major movie that doesn't force her to wear glorified loincloths and the aura of body odor.

Well Played, Cameron Diaz

[Photo: Splash News]

ASHTON: Hey, Cameron! Nice to see you here! You look fantastic.

CAMERON: Hi, Ashton! You... are also here!

ASHTON: Oh, you're so funny. But seriously, I know you've had a really tough time lately with your father passing away and everything, so I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful and we're all here for you.

CAMERON: That's so nice, thanks, Ashton. I... like your tie.

ASHTON: ... That's it?

CAMERON: You also have good teeth, I think.

ASHTON: Come on, man!

CAMERON: What? I'm just telling it like it is. 

ASHTON: Okay, I'll let it slide this time, because I meant what I said. We love you and we're all happy to see you back and feeling better and looking fantastic.

CAMERON: Aw, thanks. And I don't TOTALLY hate what you're wearing. I just wish you didn't look like you forgot to shower after hiking Runyon Canyon.

ASHTON: ...Yeah, fair enough. Let's go watch the movie and then send Justin some cameraphone pictures of your legs.

CAMERON: Ooooh, and can we do one of me dancing in my underwear and shaking my butt at the camera?

ASHTON: Duh! That's, like, your signature move!

CAMERON: AWESOME!

CMT Awards Fug Carpet: Nicole Kidman

We've been a little hard on Nicole Kidman occasionally, especially how she ALLEGEDLY seems to have jacked up her former face with so much paralyzing Botox. But I have to say, I am not one of those conspiracy theorists who believes she's faking the pregnancy, because a) that's insane; b) this is not Passions, as much as I wish it were and that Zombie Kidman would start showing up at events, although maybe she DID and that explains why Nic seemed a bit bodysnatched the last year or so; c) she looks pregnant in ways that are hard to fake, like her face; d) I can't think of a good reason why Nicole Kidman would need to go through all the rigamarole to fake something like that when she's adopted before, and also, again, NOT INSANE; e) she's got a glow lately, and it really suits her.

I don't really even care about the dress, although that ruby color is fantastic on her. What grabbed me was the loose, flirty, relaxed hair and what appears to be a genuine smile -- those are things she's been missing for a while, in favor of looking really pulled-tight and rigid and wan. Now if only she would get in line behind Nicole Richie at the Los Angeles Clinic For Looking Like Healthy And Lovely Like This All The Time And Not Just When You're Knocked Up, we'd be in business.

Well Played: Thandie Newton

Sigh. I just love a v-neck ruffle. Really, that's not sarcasm -- remember Michelle Williams's yellow Oscar dress the year she was nominated for Brokeback Mountain? I know a lot of people hated it, but it was like MY FAVORITE EVER. Because of the neckline. And the color. But mostly the neckline. Hence, I love this dress on Thandie Newton:

Does it help that she herself is quite gorgeous? Yes. And god knows, this dress is girlie and frilly to the extreme. And yet I love it. And her. And all of you! And life! And SANDWICHES!

Um, sorry about that. It's almost lunchtime. Carry on.

Grammy Awards Pre-Party Fug Carpet: Well Played, Whitney Houston

I have a lot of love saved up for Whitney Houston, whose entire first and second albums I used to love belting out in my room when I was, like, eight -- despite the fact that there's no way I should've been singing about spending all night shagging my married lover, and how it was emotionally hard when he was with his family but all worth it when he dropped by my place again for Naughty Time. I even had the piano music for that one; my parents must have been relieved I never whipped either of those performances out in public.

Naturally, then, her descent into becoming the scary-bony woman who told Diane Sawyer she made way too much money to bother doing crack and demanded to see receipts proving allegations she spent $500,000 on cocaine -- because drug dealers are renowned for making sure you have receipts for each purchase -- considerably saddened me. Thrillingly, though, Whitney looks like she's getting back on track.

Pretty! Classy! No bones poking out through her skin! And she's totally fixed up the hair!

My one beef: I am pretty sure those are panty-hose (which I totally wrote as "hos" by accident the first time and had to fix; perhaps this is my subconscious' way of telling me that, deep down, I believe nude panty-hose are the trashy cousins of a good pair of tights). And I hate that with open-toed shoes, especially ones with bling attached that draw your eye right down to the feet, making sure you notice the telltale webbing on her toes.

But other than that, well done, Whitney. One step at a time, right? We have time to deal with this whole panty-hose problem -- something that, not too long ago, I might not've been able to write without secretly worrying Bobby Brown would be the death of you before we got there. But now we've got you looking radiant again, so let's call this one a victory. Dare I suggest she's rekindled the greatest love of all? Oh, I dare, I DARE.

Well Played: Rachel Zoe

I know! You thought this day would never come! After all, there may be a portion in our book in which we compare Rachel Zoe to some kind of leather goods (and in HER book, she admits that she tans, for real, in the sun, every day, and frankly, I think those two items are connected).  However, never let it be said that we don't give credit where it is due.  I think Zoe looks totally fabby in this. Red is kind of great on her! And she's not wearing what is essentially a giant muu-muu, nor is she covered in wack-ass bangles like Claire's employee who's overly excited about her discount:

I just kind of love it. It's such a refreshing departure from her norm and that's exciting to see on anyone.  Also, I am powerless in face of a metallic shoe. I have to admit it. Round 614 goes to Zoe.

Well Played: Kristen Bell

Well, take a look at this!

Frequent fug offender Kristen Bell looks pert and pretty and plain old adorable in something that actually fits her! I am so relieved to see that she's hopped off the 11:05 to Stumpytown and finally boarded the....huh. That train metaphor completely ran out of steam on me there. One might even say it went TOTALLY OFF THE RAILS! See what I did there?  See?! Oh, dear readers, welcome...to Friday. Or as we call it at GFY HQ: Sleepy.

Anyway. What was I talking about? How much I secretly love Celebrity Apprentice because I privately find The Donald kind of hilarious? How I recently tried Alberto VO-5 hot oil treatment for the first time in years and it actually made my hair really kind of bouncy? How STOKED I am about the return of Lost? Oh, that's right: La Belle. She looks a treat, no? Check out the back:

Cute! Possibly unfastened, but still: cute. God, I feel so warm and fuzzy about this, I just want to run outside and start hugging people. I mean, I won't. But it occurred to me briefly.

SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Well Played, Amanda Bynes

Oh, Amanda Bynes. You're so nice and person-colored now.

And that gown is totally gorgeous -- love that peacock color, love the bodice, love the flirty layers at the bottom, love the way it fits her.  The hair might be a little twee, but you know what? I don't care today. That's right. Dare I say it, I'm in a GOOD MOOD, and looking at this dress only enhances it -- like frosting on an already really yummy piece of carrot cake. I am pretty sure that those boys in the background are trying really hard not to stare at her, but inside, are totally stoked that Hot Amanda Bynes is standing mere feet from them and are planning to tell all their friends tomorrow that they held her hand and that she promised they'd get married in 15 years. Or, you know, whatever it is that boys do. Having no brothers, I can't say for sure. Doodling your names jointly inside a big heart all over a spiral notebook and then frantically doing MASH, trying to cheat so that you end up married, living in a mansion, driving a Ferrari, working as a movie star, having three kids, and owning stacks of emeralds, seems like it's more of a girly response.

Well Played: Joy Bryant

Remember the last time we saw Joy Bryant? To say this is an improvement is an understatement:

I wonder if she's got some kind of multiple personality thing going on -- a la Bai Ling but with less nudity (also, doesn't "a la Bai Ling" sound like an option on the menu at some poncy restaurant, like, "the chicken can also be served a la Bai Ling for a surcharge of $8"?). One night, Joy's wardrobe selection is driven by the girl who REALLY loves dressing like an extra from a poorly-produced Lifetime movie about pioneers, the next evening it's propelled by the one with simple, glamourous taste. If I may offer some advice, Joy, see if you can do something about getting rid of Girl One and hang on like cold, grim death to Girl Two.

Well Played, Kylie Minogue

Here's the thing: I almost made this a "Fug or Fab," until I realized that I pretty solidly come down on the "fab" side when it comes to this outfit.

[Photo: Splash News]

It's a beautiful color on our  favorite tiny Aussie superstar, and she's glowing. It's kind of hard to believe Kylie is almost 40, and that it was a full  twenty years ago that I was sitting in my bedroom wailing along to "I Should Be So Lucky," wishing I had her hair and thinking that crazy hat from the album cover was probably the coolest thing anyone had ever put on their body in the ENTIRE history of bodies (hey, I was young, she was my favorite, it was the 80s... a lot of things I  felt strongly about were, in retrospect, completely ridiculous). Indeed, I should be so lucky as to look that great at 40 AND after surviving both a harrowing medical condition.

My only real moment of concern was whether the tulle wrap shooting out of her right boob was too much -- whether it ended up overwhelming her. But then I decided I didn't care, because she's so regal and pretty and there's something deliciously old-movie about that piece of fabric. Back in the day when people would dress for dinner, getting all fancy whether they were going to a club for dancing and a meal or just coming back downstairs to eat it at their table, I could totally see Kylie swanning in wearing that dress and puffing on a superlong cigarette holder (since of course back then nobody knew or cared that cigs were so terrible for you), dangling a brandy glass from her fingertips and drawling words like "darling" and "devilish" in conversation with the local rogue, whom she will of course end up marrying. Maybe she should MAKE that movie somehow.

Well Played: Ashlee Simpson?

Just the other day, I was wondering what Ashlee Simpson was up to. Not in a, "Do you think she's brushing her teeth? Ooh, maybe she's flossing!" kind of way. I am not a stalker. And if I were, I don't think I'd pick Ashlee Simpson as my stalkee.  I would be more likely to stalk, like... I don't know. Ian Ziering, maybe. You know, for one thing, he'd probably appreciate the attention. Plus everyone loves Steve Sanders. Win-Win!

Anyway, it appears that she was actually off dying her hair and buying one of those big-ass clutches that I've decided I want (it fits a lot of stuff, AND it's easy to smack people with):

I don't know, you guys! I think she's kind of working it. But I also suffered a head injury this morning when a box containing a pair of wooden heel boots fell off the top shelf of my closet and onto my head. Does she actually look sort of cute - in that prim way that I dig -- or is it just the giant hematoma talking?

poll by twiigs.com...

Well Played -- And Yet Not -- KatieBot

This is so exciting, y'all. Okay, so the shirt is all over the place --a billowy and occasionally unfinished-looking mess. In fact, it looks a bit like she's mourning the death-at-sea of her favorite pirate (but don't worry, honey, I have it on good authority that death cannot stop true love; all it does is delay it for a while).  But there's something more exciting at work here to compensate.

Check it out!

It FEELS! It really feels! Number Five Three is ALIVE!

Well Played: Rumer Willis and Emily VanCamp

RUMER: I can't believe I didn't get to be Miss Golden Globe.

EMILY: But you look the prettiest I've ever seen you!

RUMER: Whatever.

EMILY: No, really.  I also look pretty, but why shouldn't I, really?

RUMER: I'm just so annoyed. This dress is really cute on me. But I don't even get to be on TV. It's so unfair. But I'm going to slouch over and be all Miss Poor Posture and defeat the entire effect. I'm THAT ANNOYED. I've turned to SELF-DESTRUCTIVE POSTURE. THAT'S WHAT I'VE BECOME.

EMILY: Oh, honey. Have some wine with me, and my charming up-do.

RUMER: I DON'T WANT ANY. I WANT TO BE CRANKY.

EMILY: Just smile for this nice photographer who found us here in this corner. CHEESE!

RUMER: Fine. Freaking cheese.

Well Played, Alicia Keys

Damn! Do my eyes deceive me, or is Alicia Keys finally wearing something sort of regal and classy?

She looks a little bit like she just wandered off the set of Dreamgirls II: Wake Up, Y'all. But it totally works on her; I'm thrilled Alicia is at long last wearing something worthy of her face. I was especially tired of seeing her dressed in jumpsuits that made me want to check her back for humps, so really, everybody wins.

Well Played: Rachel Bilson

Can't we all just PRETEND that yesterday the Golden Globes went off as per usual, and we all got the red carpet shenanigans as per usual, and Rachel Bilson showed up wearing this?

And then we all said things like, "Did you see Rachel Bilson at the Golden Globes? She's so pretty!" and "I just loved Rachel Bilson's Golden Globes dress," and "I think Rachel Bilson showing up at the Golden Globes in that white goddess-y dress was really a turning point in her career, don't you?" Let's just pretend that happened, shall we? Excellent!

Well Played: Kristin Bell

Oh, fine. Go ahead and look proud of yourself, Kristen Bell:

You look cute. And non-stumpy. And your narration work on Gossip Girl is quite good. And Gossip Girl itself is quite, quite, quite addictively good -- how am I going to wait however long I have to wait until we all find out what Blair plans to do to destroy her enemies? How can I stand not knowing whether or not poor tragic Nate is going to take up with that surprisingly somewhat conniving  yet still in-over-her-head Jenny? Most importantly: how can I live week-to-week without knowing what color turtleneck Chuck is wearing? How, I ask you? How?  I know, I know: you'll never tell. But your dress is good, okay? Don't say I never said nothing nice about you, Bell.

XOXO

Fug Girl

Well Played: Helena Bonham Carter

Oh, kooky Helena Bonham Carter. I love you. I love you as Bellatrix Lestrange. I loved you as Lucy Honeychurch. I love that you probably did your own hair for Sweeney Todd, as it was a messy birds' nest that closely resembled how your hair looked at every event from 2004-2007. I love that you are married to Tim Burton, as I suspect you two have long conversations about things that are not of this world.  I love it when you show up places looking like you've just wandered out of the attic. In the Edwardian era. And I actually love this:

Yeah, she just had a baby, like this morning. So way to rock the red satin bedsheets, HBC. Seriously.

Mostly Well Played, J.Lo.Hew

Katherine Heigl's recent spate of interviews and the wretchedly unfunny previews for 27 Dresses have me a) concerned she might be a bit of a pill in real life, b) totally sick of her, and c) in disbelief that this movie appears to think that simply dyeing her hair faintly brown will help us believe Katherine Heigl is suddenly sort of frumpy and dowdy and weak-willed. Great message there, people.

In fact, I wish Jennifer Love Hewitt would go BACK to being a darker brunette because it makes her look more striking. Check it out:

This is just an achingly pretty dress, which paired with the shoes gives Jennifer a really lovely old-movie glamour. Even Cardbord Heigl seems to be eyeing her, all, "I can't believe you look better than I do. SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN, ho. Trust."

As a fair-skinned lass, I know it's tough to wear that pale pinky color without it washing you out (and as a side note, I accidentally pasted that sentence into Google and it came up with a line from what's trying to be the world's longest poem that read, "It would help if the firefighter inside you lit a fire," which... I don't think THAT'S necessarily the solution here; for one thing, it would char the heck out of her womb). Jennifer mostly succeeds, and I think the "mostly" comes from the fact that it's her hair -- with an assist from her makeup -- washing her out and not the dress. If she went back to that awesome, shiny darker brown hair, and possibly rediscovered bangs, she could probably get away with the minimalist makeup and the light hue of the dress, because the dark cherry on top would elevate it all.

Also, Dark-Haired-Hewitt is from the glory days of the Ghost Whisperer -- YES, the show has some, thank you very much -- when her coifs and fake eyelashes and old-school nighties and bedjackets were HUUUGE. So maybe I'm just being nostalgic. Still, that doesn't detract from how fantastic that dress is on her. She's someone who's struggled, I think, to find the right cuts of clothes to accentuate her natural assets (I am not at all sure the Ghost Whisperer costumer is putting this kind of effort into it). This one is perfect: She's all woman, brimming with curves that demand to be celebrated. Which I am sure her fiance will gleefully take care of later.

Critics' Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Well Played, Katie Holmes

Certainly, there has been no shortage of moments in Katie Holmes' life in recent years that have made us go, "Wait, SERIOUSLY?" And that's just from the couch-jumping and the engagement and pregnancy and wedding and fashion-embracing and Posh-befriending; it doesn't even include anything that's happened behind closed doors. Not that we're implying her husband is odd or anything. He's totally normal to us. Everyone we know leaps onto their living-room set at least twice daily. Furniture is a thrill.

At any rate, all things considered, nothing should surprise me with her any more. Yet somehow I still caught myself saying aloud this morning, "Wait... SERIOUSLY? Since when did Katie Holmes become someone who could pull off a TOGA?"

Bear with me here, as we got a lot of e-mails from people who could not have hated this more -- and who will, in fact, greet this with a, "Wait, SERIOUSLY?" of their own. So let me clarify: The dress itself does nothing for me. It definitely has the whiff of bedsheet about it, like maybe her exuberant husband grabbed one off the bed and ran around her twice and then screamed, "GLORIOUS,"  before hitting his head on the four-poster and passing out cold.

But Katie IN the dress... this I like. Granted, her first best move was to realize that America loves Suri, and that she should reinvent her cranium in her wee sprog's image. They are seriously ever-more the spitting image of one another. As for the dress, though, it kind of takes on a Quality on her body. It's still kind of boring to me on its own merits,  and I think on a lot of people I'd be wailing and pulling out my hair. Katie, though, looks really rather pretty. The makeup is tasteful, her bod looks amazing -- I would very much like to borrow her shoulders, if she's looking to broaden her range of charitable acts -- and although the shoes are fairly standard, they ALSO appear to fit her, make her legs look fabulous, and don't overshadow the overall look. As a result, I glance at the dress, but inevitably my attention turns to her hair, her face, her skin, her figure, and the fact that I am pretty sure she is eleven feet tall. And that's how it should be. The dress isn't wearing her; she, bluntly put, is wearing the shit out of it. So you go, Suri-Kate Holmes-Cruise. In my eyes, you won this one.

And feel free to have another kid, because you did a bang-up job the first time. I'm just saying. Think of our needs.

poll by twiigs.com

Well Played, Rachel Bilson

Rachel Bilson has been looking so cute lately. Why doesn't this girl have a regular job?

Seriously, someone needs to pay her once this strike is over to do more episodic work.  She was terrific as Summer, she was adorable a few weeks ago in a two-episode stint on Chuck -- where, ironically, she worked in a deli and extolled the virtues of sandwiches that I kind of wish she ate more of in real life -- and yet she only has one movie in the can since. You know, she would have been great in Samaire Armstrong's part on Dirty Sexy Money, but alas, that's not an option at this point. If only I had been consulted.

Fortunately this relative inactivity has not reduced her to a reclusive and messy life of Pringles-stained sweatpants and trucker hats. This dress is flattering, sophisticated, and a beautiful color, and I wish it were in my closet right now. Maybe Santa will drop it there while he's running around picking up everyone's Christmas lists and checking to make sure he can fit down everyone's chimneys despite having thirds at the dessert buffet last night. Come on, Santa. Snap out of the sugar coma.

Well Played, Fergie

Aw, that's right, Fergie Ferg, take a bow.

It seems so long ago now that she was running around town dressed like Pippi Longstocking on a bender. If you'd told me then that I'd be patting Fergie on the back for looking like a lovely lady at a posh event, I'd have laughed and suggested that you stop using Elmer's Glue as nasal spray. Sure, the matchy satin shoes are a bit bridesmaidy, but that's splitting hairs when you consider that we used to be lucky if she even brushed her tresses. The dress color is so pretty on her and the cut is flattering, and her coif is shiny... maybe Josh Duhamel is finally using his hotness to bring her up to his level. Or maybe one night in the middle of a lasagna cookoff in their shared kitchen, Fergie dropped a colander of flat noodles and gasped, "OH MY GOD, WAIT, OLIVER! WASN'T A FASHION SHOW, WAS IT?!?" At which point Josh swept her into his arms, carried her up to the bedroom, and gently laid her down... on the floor of her closet, where they proceeded to make sweet, sweet Goodwill piles.

At any rate, Happy Holidays to us, because I get to use the word "lovely" to refer to her without having to follow it with the hugely unsexy "lady lumps" epithet.

Well Played, Kristen Bell

Our roller-coaster of a relationship with Kristen Bell's fashion sense continues apace:

[Photo: infdaily.com]

Nice cleavage, babe! And you actually look kind of tall with that empire waist. Your makeup also perfectly complements the red in the dress, and in case I didn't mention it strongly enough before, I really meant it: Nice cleavage. Enjoy not having to wear a bra while you can, little girl. Gravity will chafe your navel soon enough.

Still, I do spy a few wrinkles -- I do still think there's a REASON "satin" is only one vowel away from being "Satan" -- but I'll let it slide because the overall effect is so good. Furthermore, the satin isn't nearly as crinkled and crunched as I've seen it before, and really, it's hard to hide from that fabric forever. Sometimes it's unavoidable, like a pimple, or Brad Garrett. You just have to accept it as part of life, learn to live happily anyway, and hope you own a really wicked travel steamer. For the satin, that is. I've never known a travel steamer to work on Brad Garrett. But then again, maybe it's just that nobody has tried.

Well Played, Kelly Osbourne/But Then There's Kimberly Stewart

Why, it was just last week that I was all, "oh, Kelly, what's wrong with your make-up? Oh, Kelly, what's wrong with your hair? Kelly, why are you dressing up like Liza Minnelli? Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly." (Sorry, that was just a reflex.) And it's like she was LISTENING:

How adorable she looks! How pixie-like! How prettily made up! I feel like a proud mama, although not like her proud mama, because if I were to suddenly start feeling like Sharon Osbourne...well, I guess now that I think about it, Sharon could actually probably very easily step in for me here if I were to have both of my arms broken by Jessica Simpson in a tussle over the last butterscotch pop down at See's Candies or something.

In other news, there's Kimberly Stewart:

How much does she think she's Posh, circa three months ago? You know, Outdated Posh.

polls by twiigs.com...

Well Played, Rachel Bilson

Dear Rachel Bilson,

Hi! How are you? I am fine. You were cute on Chuck this week. I think you are pretty. I also have a favor to ask.

Would you mind writing a little pamphlet called, say, Fashion For Shorties or Dressing the Heightually Challenged or Little Ladies Looking Like [Complimentary Word Starting With an "L" -- you'll think of something], or...whatever, you can title it whatever you want. Anyway, it'd be about how you manage, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, to show up places looking totally relaxed and chic, but not at all stumpy or overwhelmed by your clothing, despite the fact that you're only, like, three apples high. There are some people I need to send it to (KRISTEN BELL but don't tell her, I want it to be a surprise).

Thank you!

Love,

Jessica

Well Played, Kelly Clarkson

Just yesterday I was at the hair salon, chit-chatting with my colorist about Kelly Clarkson, and how - although we love her -- she is often kind of a mess.  (This included reminiscing about how, when she first started on American Idol, she had those really chunky, very evenly spaced highlights that kind of made her head look like it was stuck behind bars in a prison of its own hair). But apparently, K. Cla got wind of our loving-yet-frustrated smack-talkery and decided to prove once and for all that, on occasion, she CAN dress herself:

I mean, is this the most hot-yet-also-revolutionary-fashion-forward-thing you've ever seen in your entire life? No. And yet, does she look super cute and comfortable in her own skin, and age appropriate, and not as though she's been digging through J. Lo's reject pile for items that make her look vaguely like an alien extra from the sequel to From Justin to Kelly, called From Justin to KellyII: Intergalatic Boogaloo? Yes. We'll take it.

Fugly Marmalade, yet also, Well Played, Patti Labelle

My first thought when I saw this dress on Patti Labelle was, "Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time before Laura Ashley started hitting the bong."

Seriously, if there were a Broomcorn Farms Harvest Pageant Barbie, she would be wearing something like this for the talent portion. And Patti wants you to DRINK IT IN, GOOD PEOPLE, like it's the bourbon you keep in your hip flask (or in the fully stocked wet bar she's got stowed away somewhere in the neighborhood of her pelvis). I'm sitting here begging her to pick a silhouette and go with it -- cocktail-length frippery or sleekly silhouetted evening wear, but not its mutant bastard child-- and Patti's out there all, "TA-DA! That's RIGHT! I'll be here all week, folks! Tip my publicist."

But then I learned that she actually DID have a magic trick up her sleeve -- or skirt, as it were.

I am almost speechless. Was that thing DETACHABLE? Because that is so insane that it becomes brilliant. I mean... did Patti Labelle just pull something that even Joan Collins has never done? Did she just make Barbie turn green with envy? Did she just morph from being a kooky lady dressed in somebody's bedroom wallpaper to the AWESOMEST trickster in all of creation? And did she just go from being fugged straight to the Well Played category without passing go, collecting $200, or having to risk landing on Boardwalk when it has three hotels on it?

I think she did. I might need oxygen. Thank God I wasn't there when she ripped it off -- because, in my mind, she absolutely grabbed it and tore it off in front of everyone, then twirled it over her head and threw it onto the head of the hottest photographer in the press pit -- or else I might have passed out, oversaturated with camp and glee and campy glee. Look at her -- she's all, "Yeah, that's right, honey, we're not in Kansas any more. We are in LEG CITY and you've got a lot of sightseeing to do." The open-air double-decker bus leaves in five minutes.

Well Played AGAIN, Marcia Gay Harden

I think I'm developing a girl-crush on MGH right now. Although I can't call her that again, because it sounds like a beer -- like a hybrid blend called Miller Genuine High Life, billed as the Prosecco of beers rather than the champagne of them. And that's not fitting for Marcia Gay Harden, because she is nothing less than the champagne of hotties in this dress.

She looks fantastic -- age-appropriate but not stodgy; cute and fresh, but not like she's trying to emulate some fancy 18-year old pantyless coke fiend spreading her legs on the way out of a limo. And I think we all know how tempting it is to copy THAT behavior, so she's clearly mighty of will in addition to being formidably well-dressed. Bravo, non-skanky hot lady. Bravo.

Well Played: Kristen Bell

It's so nice to see them get something right:

At last, at last, Wee Bell has realized that less is more on her weensy little frame! Not to mention the fact that this is an amazing color on her. Hmm, if she's sussed out the mysteries of her wardrobe, maybe it's not too much to hope that she'll manage to whip the current seriously lackluster season of Heroes into shape after all.

Well Played: Emmas Roberts and Watson

EMMA ROBERTS: Hi, Emma!

EMMA WATSON: Hi, Emma!

ROBERTS: You look cute! Even if I do suspect you're wearing pirate boots. It IS almost Halloween, and everyone loves a pirate! Anyway, your top makes up for it! You look so young and chic!

WATSON: Thanks, Emma! You look cute, too. Your dress is mildly prim and adorably retro, and I just love a good side part!

ROBERTS: Me TOO! So, we're basically best friends now, right?

WATSON: Clearly. Matching and/or similar hair parts  is simply the way our souls have chosen to communicate. Now can we talk at length about how refreshing it is to be two of the few young women in Hollywood who aren't rumored to be dating some old random weirdos, or on drugs, or flashing people, or going to jail, or mailing out naked photos of ourselves to people? Ooh, and then can we talk about how our names are ALMOST palindromes? NO ONE will ever talk to me about that!

ROBERTS: I guess so. I wanted to talk about how Dumbledore is gay. Oh, and about Rupert Grint and how he is or is not like Ron Weasley. Is he like Ron? I bet he is. I just love Ron. Aren't you glad she didn't kill Ron? I am. Oh! And about Daniel Radcliffe! Tell me everything! Everything! Have you ever made out with him? Have you been to his house? Does he ever let you borrow his pants? Can you set us up?

WATSON: This is never going to end, is it?

ROBERTS: You can ask me about my aunt Julia if you want. She bit me once. I'll show you the scar. We are best friends, after all.

WATSON: ...okay, that seems like a fair trade.

Well Played, Marcia Gay Harden

We've definitely called out Marcia Gay Harden a couple times on this site -- once for looking a bit like a washed-up grande dame, and once for getting a little bit braggy about the fact that she remembered to wear a bra.

But other times, she can look completely hot; I  just saw her on The View, in fact, looking super fit and fantastic, and she is totally dishy here:

Okay, she's a TINY bit orange, but it looks like she came by it honestly and it doesn't frighten me or have me concerned she's going to turn herself into an homage to Katie Couric: The Makeover Years. I'm more focused on how she's rocking her bod, that lovely purple color, the cleavage-teasing necklace, and that awesome bob. See, it's people like her who get me thinking that I should cut my hair off again, forcing me to smack myself in an effort to remember that I don't HAVE any of these people's same hair, nor the patience to blow the curls straight every single day so that it will look halfway reasonable and not like I am the world's biggest Carrot Top fan.

Now I feel like I should apologize to Marcia for invoking the ginger goon in a post about how stellar she looks. Oh well. Hopefully she'll understand.

Well Played, Jennifer Lopez, Mistress of Fetal Shenanigans

"Pregnant? Me? Stripey, sweet me? Ay, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, oh, it's so good, I can't stop, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Does anyone care about Ben's Twiggy Wife and her womb this much? NO. I WIN I WIN I WIN. And I look  fabulous in all my boots and dresses and hats because I am the ONE TRUE DIVA and I like to keep you guessing and you are EATING out of the PALM of my HAND.

"See? EAT UP, amigos! Am I pregnant? Do I just eat sandwiches because I fear NOTHING? Do I still look so hot that you can't tell? Maybe I don't want 70 percent of my flesh on display at all times any more! You don't know. Maybe I will never tell you. Maybe I will have a tiny Marco or Marca in my arms and I STILL won't tell you where I got it! And you will LOVE IT! Because I am  fantastica. Now if you'll excuse me, Marc needs his snack. Does anybody have a pound of raw sirloin?"

Well Played, Kirsten Dunst

[Photo: Splash News]

LAGERFELD: PET! Let me clutch you.

KIRSTEN: Hi, Karl. Dig my Ray Bans? They're so Risky Business, so Tom Cruise.

LAGERFELD: Cruising is for drunk people. DO A SHOT OF LIFE.

KIRSTEN: I think I already did -- it feels good to be out and about looking showered and cute.

LAGERFELD: How DIVINE you look. A vision in cranberry.  To touch you is to cleanse the urethra. SPIN.

KIRSTEN: It's good, right? And the purple purse? I'm adorable!

LAGERFELD: If I'd never seen you before, I would say, "Dear GOD, who is that WOMAN? Send her a goldfish."

KIRSTEN: That ... means a lot, I'm fairly sure.

LAGERFELD: I can't squeeze hard enough, Miss Scarlett. Promise me you'll do it in the conservatory with the lead pipe.

KIRSTEN: You're a kick.

LAGERFELD: Kicking is for the mobile, darling. BE A STATUE.

Well Played: Jennifer Garner

We need to talk about Jennifer Garner, and not in a OH MY GOD JENNIFER PUT AWAY THOSE WHITE SATIN HOT PANTS kind of way, thank goodness. Basically, while our fondness for her is well-documented, even the haters have to admit that she has been WORKING IT lately. I love the dress she wore to the London premiere of The Whatever It's Called That Looks Sort of Like Alias But With Jamie Foxx And Without Wigs, Which Is Generally a Mistake:

And I ALSO love the dress she wore to the Paris premiere of same:

So pretty! And colorful! And classic! But not boring! But while whoever's styling her has been really on the ball lately (I know that she often works with Rachel Zoe, and if that's the case, I must salute you, Zoe. Even if I don't enjoy it), most of all, I have been coveting her hair. I don't know what she's putting in it to make it so shiny and bouncy -- volumizer? Violet's saliva? The blood of virgins? -- but I want some, and I will pay whatever you charge.

Well Played: Harper's Bazaar Cover/Mary-Kate Olsen

I was noodling around at the Borders last night night -- I love the section of the newsstand featuring all the super obscure publications, like, I don't know, Pants and Periscopes Monthly -- and this cover caught my eye:

I gotta admit, I think she looks kind of adorable and great here. Lately, I've sort of been taken by the Olsens. Do they often look as though they're wearing something they've been composting? Yes. But they seem to take their (multitude of) jobs seriously, and they're rarely vomiting out of the side of a limo and, I don't know, I just think they're sort of charming all of a sudden.  Which is why it's nice to see M-K modifying her traditional pouty fish-face into sort of a charming smirk and looking all clean and sort of glamourous, and yet relaxed and grown-up and confident. So, although I am not wild about HB's headlines layout (I know they're going for "uncluttered" but it looks sort of like the cover of Blush, the magazine on Just Shoot Me! -- which, seriously, doesn't Just Shoot Me! sound totally like a made-up show now, like a television show from a chick lit novel about a harried but charming 20-something television producer who eventually finds love with the guy who owns the bodega downstairs? I blame the punctuation), I have to give them a well-played for this one. Maybe on the next cover, we'll even see her teeth.

Well Played: Rashida Jones

Rashida Jones is very pretty, but sometimes shows up at places looking like she was surprised in the middle of cleaning out her grandma's closet. Which is why this is so refreshing:

[Photo: Daily Celeb.com]

[INSERT HACKY JOKE ABOUT WANTING TO WORK AT HER OFFICE/LOVING THE DRESS CODE AT HER OFFICE/WONDERING HOW STRICT THEY ARE ABOUT SEXUAL HARASSMENT AT HER OFFICE HERE.]

Well Played: Helen Mirren

It's Monday morning, which hardly anyone likes, even if they've had a terrible weekend and are coming into a job that involves foot massages and multiple flirty IMs from the cute boy three cubicles down that you sort of have a crush on. But take heart. It's entirely possible that, on a Monday a few decades from now, you could wake up and realize you've been lucky enough to age like this:

I realize this is hardly a GROUND-BREAKING OPINION PIECE, that Helen Mirren is hot/awesome, but work with me here, cranky desk monkeys. Helen Mirren in a flattering, age-appropriate yet not dowdy, comfortable-looking but still sexy gray dress -- holding her autobiography, which rightly features a giant photo of her face -- should make anyone feel at least mildly better about the state of the world, even if it's just in a "I wonder how's she's avoided being cast in Harry Potter yet -- OH! Speaking of, I totally forgot I hid some CHOCOLATE FROGS IN MY DESK! Thank GOD, all is not lost!" sort of way.

Also, we heard a rumor that she flashed her boobs at the Golden Globes after-party to illustrate that they're real/spectacular, which is way more awesome when it's coming from an Academy Award-winning sexagenarian  than it is from Britney Spears, although I still quite haven't figured out why. 

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Well Played, Kristen Bell

So, we've given the erstwhile Miss Veronica Mars a hard time around these parts, to the extent that I actually checked to see if she had her own category (and if this entry had gone the other direction, I suspect she would have gotten herself one). But lo and behold if she didn't show up at the Emmys wearing a dress that works on her wee proportions, in a beautiful, flattering color, which doesn't appear to have been purchased at Granny Gretel's Dress Emporium and Denturteria:

She is working it. Even Adrian Pasdar behind her appears to be thinking, "thank God that little Veronica Whoshername girl pulled out the stops tonight! I wonder if I can get her to talk some sense into Hayden. Speaking of attractive people, I'm certainly a handsome man, aren't I? I am. Debonair, even. Not many men my age can grow hair like this. I suspect I'm actually out-tressing Dempsey. He's here tonight, don't you think? I'm going to find him and pay people to debate which of us have a better head of hair. Watch out, Loverboy. Here I come."

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Well Played, Ellen Pompeo

At first, I couldn't decide if this look frightened or thrilled me.

Ultimately, I decided on the latter, in part because she no longer looks so frail that I'm afraid an errant elbow from somebody's PR rep will snap her in half. But mostly, I decided that I cherish the hair. That is a seriously ballsy big coif -- and not in that way where you suspect she had three people backbrushing it for an hour before using four cans of hairspray. No, it's almost a bit regal, like she's a secret Scarlett O'Hara fangirl.

That's got to be it, right? She even has a curtain-tie around her neck -- a gold-dipped tribute to Scarlett's most famous fashion moment. If she didn't have that, she'd look kind of boring, frankly. It's the perfect loopy touch. And besides, who can blame her for wanting to emulate literature's most marvelous Southern belle? I can practically hear her internal monologue now: "Great balls of fire -- there's that mealy-mouthed Kate Walsh, thinking she can swan around with her red hair and her wedding ring and her new spinoff. As God is my witness, that show's not going to lick ours. Even if I have to lie, cheat, steal or kill the power on their studio. Where shall she go then? Whatever shall she do? Oh, if I wasn't a lady, what I would say to that vixen! Sigh. This is getting me overexcited. I can't think about it any more today. I'll think about it tomorrow."

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Well Played, Heidi Klum

So, Heidi Klum would look good in a potato sack cinched with baling wire, obviously, although that sounds both stabby and scratchy, but I feel like she kind of outdid herself here:

Do I love the hair and makeup? I don't know. Do I wish Seal had properly fastened his tie and collar? Yes. Are they still one of my favorite couples? Yes, especially since he brought his own camera, which I always find charmingly normal. Do I want to run up to her, distract her with something shiny, and somehow manage to talk her into trading her dress for what I'm wearing (jeans, a tank top and a UCLA hoodie -- extremely chic for the red carpet, no? Very Deconstructed Post-Collegiate Athletic Fan, VERY au courant, tres, tres merveilleux, darlings, perfect for fall, you MUST have it.)? Yes. Yes, I do. I want to wear it everywhere.

Well Played: Kelly Clarkson

It gives me great pleasure to present Kelly "I Love You But Oh My God What Are You WEARING?!?!" Clarkson with a very well-earned and long-in-coming Well Played (or, as I often mis-type it, Well Plated, which I guess also works, as she is serving herself to the public for our consumption):

She looks so youthful and summery and in-proportion, and so unlike her usual unholy combination of, like, Stevie Nicks and someone who's bought up eBay's entire collection of Parisian night suits. And while I love Kelly enough that I still want to go for hot wings and beer and gossip with her, no matter what she's wearing, it's awfully refreshing to see her look as pretty as she is talented for once.

Well Played, Luciana Bozan Barroso Damon

As dreamy as it sometimes sounds to marry Intern George and be whisked off to his villa for the rest of our days, it's actually probably pretty stressful to go from being a normal person to the girlfriend of a major movie star, then the pregnant wife of the major movie star, and finally, the date of the major movie star at all his massive summer press tours. I mean, it's hard enough for us to watch George get so exhausted by all the preening and the pageantry. One time, right near the end of all that Ocean's Thirteen hoo-ha, the poor lamb poured us some lemonade and completely forgot to add the vodka. So unlike him. It all looks very taxing and is the primary reason neither of us has accepted his copious marriage proposals... yet.

So, full marks to Luciana Barroso. She seems to be handling all the pressure with aplomb.

Aplomb, and a really hot husband. But still. The dress is very simple, but simple is often the most comfortable option in summer, and it's got some subtle flourishes that make it more elegant. Also, it has Matt Damon. I'd be all glowy too. She looks gorgeous, and not at all smug that she's the chosen life partner of a guy who seems super nice, is really talented, and donated some killer DNA to her womb. Full marks for seeming rather pleasant in the face of the kind of gloating she could be doing.

Also, she doesn't seem obsessed with working out or collagenizing/warping herself/getting implants that make up 50 percent of her body weight or talking about carbs like they're a bimonthly sin, and lost the pregnancy weight in actual NORMAL human time rather than celebrity "I started working out a week after I delivered so that Us Weekly could do a feature on my Post-Baby Bikini Bod that praises me for losing 50 lbs in 4 weeks" nutjob time. I think we can all get behind that.

Well Played, Joel Madden

Dear Joel,

Congratulations on impending fatherhood. Although it's a little weird to think that the guy who dated Hilary Duff before she was legal is now starting a family (and would presumably beat up any horny twenty-something jackhole who tried any of that on HIS theoretical daughter), but we're fairly sure you'll take to it, since you seem nice to your girlfriends and you like to defend their honor and such. Also, you hate Spencer, and as the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend -- or at least, the drinking buddy I invite out once a month so that we can knock back a couple cold ones and talk about how the object of our shared loathing keeps finding ways to out-dicksmack himself. (I mean, probably charging your probably fake engagement ring for your probably staged not-quite-proposal on your friend's credit card and then tossing the box at your probably doomed fiance and saying, "I don't know which finger it goes on," or some shit, so that she has to do the honors herself? Pretty pricky, Spencer "Puts The 'Prat' In" Pratt.)

But, back to the matter at hand: Joel, what I'd really like to congratulate you on is the act of knocking up Nicole Richie.

[Photo: Splash News]

Getting her pregnant seemed like a scientific impossibility, so unless (or maybe even if) you took a page from that old Aaron Spelling soap Sunset Beach and employed a top-secret turkey baster, that is some magical sperminating you did. Pat yourself on the wang for that one.

Even though babies are cute, though, I would mostly like to express gratitude for the fact that your womb fertilizing has made her look so much better. The pregnancy weight is helping tremendously. Generic Hollywood Starlet Hairstyle No. 2 is a little tired, and I won't pretend I'm not confused by the sunglasses (what is that -- half a tribute to Carrie Donovan?), but frankly, I'm just relieved she no longer could come to a full stop behind that tree and be completely concealed by it. Your sperm might have saved her life. Seriously. If the weight loss could have been due to drugs, as she implied to Diane Sawyer, and if she felt the need to state that she hasn't done any substances since finding out she was pregnant... well, let's just say that without a little Joel Juice and a lot of divine intervention, she may well have stayed that wee and unhealthy for a long time.

[Photo: infdaily.com]

I mean, sure, even this far along in her pregnancy, she's still only back to "petite," but she's at least person-sized now as opposed to looking like you could use her to pick your teeth after a rib dinner. (Although... it turns out I can't let go of the shades as easily as I thought. Are they broken transition lenses? Did she and Kanye go to the same party where amusing trick glasses popped out of one of those novelty bombs that explodes whimsy all over your table? What? Help me.)

At any rate, way to go, Joel, for finding the only way to make Nicole Richie look partway human again. May she enjoy her reacquaintance with food so thoroughly that she continues the love affair after she pops. See what you can do about that. I'm worried enough that Lindsay Lohan is going to kick it before her time, or that Britney is going to blow herself up in a meth lab; I don't need to fret about how Lionel would cope with Nicole's untimely demise -- besides through song, obviously -- on top of all that.

Best of luck to you,
Heather

P.S. If it's a girl, don't call her Lionelle. The tribute is nice but it sounds more like a brand of paper towels than a person. Thanks.

Well Played, Kristin Bell

Do my eyes deceive me?

Is the infamous She-Beast of the Planet Stump actually pairing an awesome color with a flattering dress that shows the perfect amount of leg, all capped off with great shoes? Does she actually look... elongated? And youthful AGAIN? Is it about to rain bullfrogs?

Full Fug/Well Played: Mary-Kate Olsen

I have a couple of questions about Mary-Kate Olsen's look here. 1) Is that a man's Hanes tee shirt, or one of the super expensive tee shirts from her fashion line, The Row? 2) If it IS one of the super expensive tee shirts from The Row, why does it look so much like a man's Hanes tee shirt? 3) The crucifix is very classic Madonna, and I can't dock a girl for that, can I? 4) While I'd never expect to see M-K show up somewhere in a frilly party dress -- and don't want to. It's not her style -- and I'm pleased that she's showing some skin and not draped in pile of fluttering robes, will we ever see her legs, do you think?

The final question is mostly rhetorical:

5) Seriously, how cute is she when she smiles? I don't know if I've seen a picture where M-K looked this happy since...well, practically ever.  Now, everyone knows I'm not a huge fan of Heidi Milkmaid Braids, but her make-up is fabulous and she looks healthy and happy and it's all rather refreshing, no? Here's hoping she banishes the old pouty duck face expression and harsh lipstick for good.

Well Played: Paget Brewster

Former GFY regular Paget Brewster is BACK. And she looks pretty cute, I have to say:

So sleek and summery and leggy! I love the bracelets, especially the clear one. Though I have to admit, I rather miss her fish purse.   Kind of like the Fugger's version of Stockholm Syndrome.

Well Played: Zooey Deschanel

Everybody! Head down to the pub! Drinks are on me! Zooey Deschanel IS NOT WEARING BLACK TIGHTS. I repeat, Zooey Deschanel IS NOT WEARING BLACK TIGHTS:

She seems to be saying, "And so I thought to myself, 'why NOT give fishnets a try?'"

To which I say, EXACTLY, Zooey, and bravo. Everybody loves a fishnet! And as a pale girl myself (this weekend, my neighbor tried to explain to me the concept of "a base tan." I countered by mentioning my family history of skin cancer and deep affection for dramatic sun hats and huge sunglasses), I feel quite strongly that more we see people running around with their naturally-hued legs sticking out of a mini (whatever that hue may be), the less likely it is that every single magazine in the world will decide to re-cycle that old Guide to Self-Tanner article each and every one of them runs every single June. WE KNOW. EXFOILIATE FIRST.  GOD, enough already.  And then we can concentrate on REAL issues, like how to get more volume in my hair.

PS: Zoo -- the dress looks cute, too, but it's hard to tell. I was just thinking yesterday that there comes a time in a woman's life when she probably needs to 86 the pigtails, but I'm so pleased with you otherwise, I'm just gonna let it slide.

Well Played: Kelly Clarkson

US Weekly reported yesterday that Kelly Clarkson recently told Reader's Digest regarding her wardrobe that, back in her AI days, "[I'd] be in a magazine under the heading ‘What Was She Thinking?’ I was like, I’m thinking I ain’t got no money.” And I have to admit that when I read this, I might have thought to myself, "but babe, what's your excuse NOW?"

However, that was before I saw La Clarkson -- who you know I seriously do love.  I really honestly do.  I know she dresses like she just doesn't give a shit half the time (and she probably doesn't), but I think she's really talented and she's totally ballsy in interviews and I basically just want to go out for drinks with her and get accidentally smashed on too-strong margaritas and then stumble back to her house and clean out her closet -- at the ESPY awards:

How cute is she? I wish I had access to a photo that didn't cut her off right at the calves, but I promise you, the shoes are cute, too. She just looks adorable -- that color is good on her, and the whole thing has a sort of 50s-retro-glam aura that works very nicely with her figure. I also sort of feel like, should I run into this mid-drunken-closet-clean-out, I would be tempted to try it on and twirl around in it, which is high praise for a party dress indeed.

Well Played: Lily Allen

You read all kinds of stuff about how Lily Allen is an alcoholic,  is not an alcoholic, loves alcoholics, eats alcoholics for breakfast, yadda yadda yadda and while no one loves juicy, unsubstantiated gossip more than I do, at this point, I'm sort of like, "who cares? Let the girl have a tipple, and then maybe she'll tell me where she gets her frocks":

I'll float her bar tab all week in exchange for stealing this little number.

Well Played (Mostly), Potter Girls

EMMA: Well. Nice to see you've upped your game, Katie.

KATIE: Somebody had to give you a run for your money, and it wasn't going to be Rupert.

EMMA: Pity you copied my shoes, though.

KATIE: At least mine aren't dyed to match. Lucky for you, no one can tell in this light. Try to stay out of direct sun, though.

EMMA: I suppose I'm happy for you that you look so nice. After all, it's not like you have a very important part in any of this from now on.

KATIE: Which is fine with me. If being the lead actress means I'm wearing... what are those? Armpit bracelets? -- then I think I'm fine with being a supporting player.

EMMA: I'm being progressive. I play the best witch in the school. I've got to be daring.

KATIE: With armpit bracelets? Do they time-release some deodorant?

EMMA: Nah. I tried, but it turns out my wand is only a prop.

KATIE: Oh well. Listen, other than that, you actually do look rather pretty. You almost make them work.

EMMA: You're a peach, Katie. Thanks. We ARE kind of adorable.

KATIE: Should we go torture Daniel about his pecs?

EMMA: I'll give you 20 quid if you can convince him to unbutton his shirt to his navel.

KATIE: Easy money. You're on.

Well Played, Mandy Moore

We got several e-mails from people who hated this dress that Mandy Moore wore to the License to Wed premiere.

But I rather like it, and not just because it makes her waist look tiny and her legs seem 100 miles long. No, my enjoyment of this gown comes from the fact that I know how much worse it could be: We've seen a far, far fuglier version on Trinny Woodall. So even though the sequined straps look a wee bit like a recycled Christmas craft project, Mandy's vibrant, cool-green version of the dress is SO MUCH prettier. It actually looks elegant, and not at all like she unfolded an old tablecloth from a picnic basket in her grandmother's attic and decided to claim it was "vintage" fabric just because it was old. It all goes to prove that a truth I have held dear really is inalienable: fleeing from orange gingham (and embracing a sandwich) can do WONDERS for a girl.

Plus, Mandy's hair is all flowy and sexy, and her skin looks great, and even though I accidentally saw about 25 mins of American Dreamz this weekend, I still love her. And that's saying something, because in that cinematic wasteland she's sporting such fake-and-baked skin that she looked like she was wearing a marmalade mask. So to whomever or whatever has since made her feel like a Natural Mandy: thank you.

Well Played: Bai Ling?

"Hello, earthlings.

My boobs COULD pop out of this. But they won't.  No.  I'm sorry, carbon-based lifeforms. Tonight, Personality Number 16 -- the BORING ONE. Sorry, 16, but it's TRUE -- picked our dress out. She wanted to look "pretty." She's got seven heads on Planet Zolton, so when we beam down to earth, it's like this whole big deal.  And she made me use double-sided taped.  That's why I look so glum. 16 has nice taste, but she's no fun to party with."

Well Played: Kristen Bell

Oh, Kristen Bell. We've had some hard times, no? So I'm pleased to note that this time, we're handing out love nuggets, rather than hate kernels.

Okay, I don't really like the bag, but that's just because it reminds me of one of those huge bows attached to a barrettes that some of us used to sport in junior high (EVERYONE DID AT THE TIME, OKAY?)  But seeing as you're not wearing it in your hair, I'm going to let it pass, and instead give you some props for rocking a summery, flattering dress that is actually not overwhelming your wee little frame. Shall we enjoy this uneasy truce while it lasts? I fear you may show up for Gossip Girl press wearing a fez.

Well Played: Rachel Weisz

Dear Gods of Fashion,

Thank you for rescuing Rachel Weisz from the 70s-style horror of last week.

And while I'm sure you are all quite occupied sending bolts of inspiration to Marc Jacobs or divinely intervening to prevent Mischa Barton from going outside with a plastic bucket on her head or drinking heavenly cocktails with Versace while peering down at whatever Donatella is doing now, if you find yourself with a spare moment, could you make this entire ensemble materialize in my closet? I promise I won't make fun of Chloe Sevigny's outfits ever again.

Love,

Jessica

Well Played... gulp... Chloe Sevigny

I think playing buttoned-up Nicki on Big Love -- she of the high-necked blouses, frumpy skirts, and patronizing smile -- might have been just what the  doctor ordered for Chloe Sevigny, Duchess of Fugville.

See, the less naked she is on TV and the more repressed and wound-up her character gets, the more she wants to knock your socks into next month's laundry pile when she shows up on a red carpet. 

She just looks so good here. That color works really well with her skin, the shoes ought to be sitting in my closet, her hair is simple but sexy, and she even managed to make an otherwise clashing pink croc clutch (which, seriously, why is that not ALSO in my closet?) work with the bright orange by throwing in a funky bracelet that plays off both shades. Why can't she do this more often? Maybe the fake love of a good man and his two other wives were all Chloe needed to wash off the evils of The Brown Bunny and all the sour-faced insanity that came before and after it.

Not that I'm suggesting polygamy can cure your fashion problems; merely that it takes something VERY unusual to cure you of the taint of Vincent Gallo's t'aint.

poll by twiigs.com

Well Played, Elisha Cuthbert

Elisha Cuthbert has had a rough go of it when it comes to clothes. Maybe all those years being chased by tigers and killers and psychos on 24 -- while her father skirted death, then actually died one, then came back because he was still totally under contract with FOX and they'd already killed or planned to kill/maim everyone else at CTU -- has messed with her head for real.

I mean, seriously -- there was this, and this, and this, and let's not forget the time those pants ate her feet, or the time she got eaten by taffeta.  You get the gist.

So it was a thrill to see her working it like God intended.

Beautiful.She kept it simple with the dress, which works because her makeup and hair and earrings are all classy and lovely, and her face positively glows. Listen, I know she was friends with Paris for a while there, but seriously, maybe La Hilton finding out that "being behind bars" does not mean "being a bartender" -- however brief that stint tragically was -- brought out the best in Young Hollywood for one sweet, if short, moment in time. Almost as if the air was purer, the Diet Coke colder, and the mirrors clearer. Even all the way in New York.

Sniffle. Yes, times were better back then -- back when prisoners got sent to the infirmary, rather than to their own homes, when they got rashes; back when we still thought we might get to see a picture of her with overgrown eyebrows leaving the slammer with no hair extensions. Those were the good old days.

Well Played: Heidi Klum and Debra Messing

HEIDI: No, really. Do I ever look bad? Even when I show up on Project Runway wearing lederhosen and, like, a pumpkin as a hat, don't you just look at me and go, "yeah, she pulled that shit off."  I mean, look at me.

DEBRA: And I? Well, let's be honest. While I got fugged last week, I bounced back pretty well, didn't I? SUCK ON THAT, YOU BITCHES. I am WORKING THIS HOT DRESS.

HEIDI: I  am married to Seal, and we seem to be really happy together.

DEBRA: I'm married to...some guy! And we seem...no one has heard otherwise!

HEIDI: I have got some cute kids.

DEBRA: My child is also cute.

HEIDI: My television show is a huge success.

DEBRA: My new mini-series is....well, let's be honest, Heidi.  People may be watching it because nothing else is on TV right now, but once they do, they're finding it surprisingly entertaining.  No, really. I'm really kind of charming in it!  And did I mention that I look great tonight?

HEIDI: I have great hai --

DEBRA: Don't even go there.  You can wear a pumpkin on your head and no one bats an eye. My hair is all I've got sometimes, okay?

HEIDI: Well, it is pretty.

DEBRA: Thank you, Heidi.

HEIDI: Aw, so needy. You're welcome, liebling.  But shouldn't we be inside at the bar already?

DEBRA: At last, you've said something I don't feel that I need to rebut.

Well Played: Lily Allen

So, recently I've been reading a lot about how Lily Allen was all depressed and bummed because she feels like she's not cute enough, or something?  (Link goes to Perez, which may not be entirely Safe For Work, depending on your office.)  To which I say: this is patently absurd. Lily Allen is quite cute:

This is so simple, but I kind of covet it.  She looks crisp and youthful and casual, a bit retro, and basically adorable.   It's so summery that I have to shut down the computer immediately and go spend three days making love to Mr. Corona. 

Have a great Memorial Day weekend everyone (but especially you sailors up there with Lily)!  We'll be back on Tuesday, rested and ready to bitch it up.